, ,

How Saying No Will Improve Your Life

NOTE: This is the second of a three-part series on the importance of self-care and easy steps to make it happen.  Click here to read part 1.  

Mr. Jobs had a few good thoughts running around in his head, don’t you think?

Let’s read it again…

“It’s only by saying no, that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.”  Steve Jobs

So true, yet many of us still get caught up in saying ‘yes’ to too many things.

How can such a little, tiny word -‘no’- be so difficult for us to utter?

For me it’s usually one of three reasons:

  1. I don’t want to let anyone down.
  2. I don’t want to miss out.
  3. I don’t want to offend anyone.

One has to be careful with this type of reasoning.  It’s not productive and can lead to unnecessary stress and worry.

I’ve found that the best way to combat this type of thinking is to live your best life, try and make thoughtful decisions, and be at peace with the outcomes.

In an effort to be a good steward of both your yes’s and your no’s, I want to encourage you to take a look at the activities and relationships in your life and see where that little two letter word might be needed.

I asked some readers where they needed to work on saying ‘no’ in their lives and combined those answers with some of mine and here’s what we came up with:

JUST SAY NO (thank you) TO…

Internet & TV.  This can be a MAJOR time suck and pull you away from things you should be saying yes to instead!
Constant checking, messaging and posting on your smart phone.  One reader shared that she and her husband had decided to consciously put down their smart phones when they get home in the evening, so they could better enjoy each other and their children.  Emails and Facebook can wait!
Participating in every social engagement announced.  It really is ok to miss out from time to time. : )
Rude people.  Engaging in conversation with someone who is looking to stir up conflict is a losing proposition.  Get rid of people like this in your life.
Volunteer opportunities.  Just because you’re awesome, doesn’t mean you have to tackle every project that comes along.  Think of your ‘no’ as leaving open an opportunity for someone else to give their well-cultivated ‘yes.’
Unwanted advice.  While well meaning, sometimes you just need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on.  It’s ok to tell someone you’d rather just have them listen instead of giving you advice.
Unfair or uncomfortable situations at work.  Just because you’re getting paid, doesn’t mean you don’t have a right to speak up at your place of work.
Excess of anything.  Moderation is a good thing.
Your children.  Children need to hear the word ‘no’.  It will make them better people.
Church obligations that you perform out of guilt.  Don’t worry, God’s not gonna strike you down! : )
An overly demanding friend or relative.  It’s important to create boundaries in all of our relationships.
Your own excuses.  Just because you’re tired after a long day at work, doesn’t mean you should allow yourself to eat poorly and blow off exercise.

Stephen Covey sums it up well here: “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically, to say “no” to other things.  And the way you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside.”

Anything you would like to add to the list?

Do you have a burning “yes” just waiting for room to come out and blossom?

NOTE: This is the second of a three-part series on the importance of self-care and easy steps to make it happen.  Click here to read part 1.  

/0 Comments/by
, ,

Taking Care of Yourself Before You Crash and Burn

NOTE: This is the first of a three-part series on the importance of self-care and easy steps to make it happen.  Read part 2 here.  Read part 3 here.   

Do you ever feel like you’re running in 101 different directions?  Are you busy taking care of everyone and everything else, leaving you exhausted and running on fumes?  Have you reached a state of burnout?

How are we supposed to properly care for others, if we are running ourselves ragged?

Let me ask you a question?  What happens if you do crash and burn?  I’m talking about getting physically sick or having a mini or even a major emotional breakdown.

One of two things will likely happen:

  1. Things in your life will fall apart and some of the pieces will be picked up in the interim, while others will be waiting for you to rise from your “sick” bed so you can pick up those pieces left lying around and get back on the crazy merry-go-round you’ve been on. Spoiler alert: This is an unhealthy pattern that needs to change!
  2. People in your life will step in and help out. Some of the responsibilities you’ve been shouldering will fall to others temporarily.  Others will fall away completely…right into the lap of the person who should have been handling that responsibility in the first place (spouse, kid, needy friend, fellow committee member, co-worker, etc.)

What I’d like to propose, since we can’t manufacture 10 more hours in a day, clone ourselves, or add an extra set of hands to our bodies, is that we focus on taking better care of ourselves, so we can better care for those around us.

Whether you have kids at home, you’re taking care of elderly parents while holding down a full-time job, or you’re somewhere in between–life can be crazy busy.  Setting aside time to care for yourself is critically important to your physical and emotional well-being.

A reader commented on last week’s video post about overcoming obstacles, on our tendency to show more compassion to others than we do to ourselves.  This is so true!  Don’t you think you and I need to show the kindness and compassion for ourselves that we show to our most precious family members and friends?

I’ve got a simple and fun exercise I’d like you to complete today.

Before we begin, let’s get you in the right frame of mind.

Please, please, please…

Give yourself permission to care for yourself.  Remember the reader comment I mentioned earlier about how we show more compassion towards others than we grant ourselves?  Imagine you had a friend that was burning the candle on both ends and about to collapse.  Would you tell them to buck up and get their lazy butt moving?  No, you would likely insist they immediately either take a couple days off, get a massage, put their duties aside and take some long walks, head to the nearest bed and breakfast to hide out for 24 hours, or a combination of all of these.  You get the point…we would wisely urge them to do what it takes to take care of themselves.  I encourage you to give yourself the same caring advice next time you are running ragged.

Ok! Let’s get started on this fun exercise to see how you can best care for yourself immediately and in the future:

I recommend you keep this list in a journal or notebook that you can refer back to in the future.  How about keeping a running list of dates and self-care activities too!  Click here to download a free printable worksheet to complete this exercise.

Step 1: Write down three to five extravagant (to you) things that you would love to treat yourself to (if only you had the time and money).  Think BIG here.  Pretend that money is no object.

Step 2: Now, write down three to five things that you would love to do if you had an entire 24-hours free, but you weren’t allowed to go more than 15 miles from your home.

Step 3: Last, but not least, write down three to five things that you would love to do if you had an entire 24-hours free, but you couldn’t leave your home.

Now, take a look at the last “home” list and circle your top pick from the list.  Do the same with the two other lists.

Get your calendar out and schedule, in pen, that one thing from your “home” and “15-mile” lists.

Here’s the hard part…make sure you don’t allow yourself to knock the activity or non-activity you’ve scheduled from your list.  You don’t cancel your yearly physical at the doctor’s office, do you?

You’re probably wondering about what you’re supposed to do with the first “extravagant” list.  That list is to keep you dreaming big and setting high goals for yourself.  Take your top pick from that list and figure out how to make it happen…even if it’s 3 years in the future.

Please don’t see this as a one-time exercise.  If you start regularly scheduling these types of things for yourself, you will see a huge improvement in your life.

Enjoy the special time you’ve got planned!

As always, thanks for spending time with me here today.  I would love to hear some of the things you will be scheduling in.  Please let me know in the comment area below.

Guess what?  I’m taking some of my own advice and am headed out this weekend for some rest and relaxation at a cabin in the woods with some girlfriends.

Thanks and have a great day!

Jill xx

Don’t forget to click here to download the free printable worksheet I created for you to complete the exercise we’ve talked about today.

NOTE: This is the first of a three-part series on the importance of self-care and easy steps to make it happen.

/0 Comments/by
, , ,

5 Steps to Overcoming Difficult Obstacles

Trying something new this week…a VIDEO blog post!  

Let me just begin by telling you, it’s not as easy as it looks!  I decided after 20 + takes that it’s better to put something out there than nothing at all.  You’ll understand what I mean when you watch the video.  Please excuse my mess ups, and just know that I’m speaking from my heart.     

So, what you’ll hear me talking about is something we can all relate to — the need to overcome obstacles that will inevitably show up in our lives.

Whether you’ve been through something in the past, you’re going through it now, or there’s something around the bend that’s about to smack you in the face, obstacles are a part of all of our lives, so it’s in our best interest to figure out how to deal with them.

Enjoy the video!

By the way, I filmed this video in a hotel at nearly midnight with my camera propped on an ice bucket…oh the professionalism!  : )

I’d love to hear from you.  What have you found to be helpful in overcoming the obstacles you’ve encountered in your life?  

I’d also like to hear what you think about the video format?  Do you like or do you prefer the fully written post?  Please let me know in the comments below.

Thanks and have a great day!

Jill xx

/10 Comments/by
, , , ,

Get Back On Track After Falling Off the Wagon

Do you feel like you’ve experienced a bit of whiplash with how quickly these last two months have flown by?

I sat down the other day and reviewed my written goals for the year (which I strongly urge you to do at least once per month) and realized that of the 15 goals I set back in January, I’m only following through with eight of them.  I know I should be happy with the progress of the eight, but it’s the other seven that are staring me down and making me feel bad.

Here’s the deal–and I’m talking to myself just as much as I’m talking to you: There’s no time to sit around and feel bad about what could have been.  It’s time to get back on the wagon.  We can’t change the past, but we can certainly learn from it.

I’ve got three simple steps to get us back on the right track.  There’s no time like the present, so let’s get started!

NOTE: If you wrote your original goals in a journal, I suggest you do the following exercise in that same place.  It’s helpful when you can look back and review where you’ve been and what you’ve accomplished.

First Step:  Figure out what the stumbling block has been for you to achieve or move forward with your goals.  Warning…you’re gonna have to be introspective and honest with yourself in this step.  It might even be helpful to put the superhero cape aside during this exercise.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Do the goals I came up short on, scare me somehow? What fears do I experience when thinking about those goals?
  2. Are my goals unrealistic? Have I set too many goals?  Have I set crazy timelines that I can’t possibly meet with the demands my busy schedule?
  3. Have I failed to set proper systems (time management, accountability, etc) in place to help me succeed?

Second Step:  Now that you’ve defined the problem, the next step is to figure out how to fix it.  Let’s address the three questions you answered above:

  1. Fears: Break down any fears you have associated with your goals. Oftentimes, when we break things down like this into bite-sized pieces, the “scariness” falls away. Now, these bite-sized portions of your big goal become manageable mini-goals.  Now you can begin working on each mini-goal, one by one, until completion.  This really works!
  2. Unrealistic goals: Maybe you were a little ambitious, like I was, at the beginning of the year and set too many goals. If that’s the case, list out and prioritize your goals.  Maybe keep the top 3-4 and drop the others.  You can always focus on those you dropped later in the year or even next year.  If the main problem is the unrealistic deadlines you set for some of your goals, then set new dates that are more realistic to match your lifestyle.
  3. No systems in place: Say your goal was to organize your house this year, but you didn’t set up a proper system to accomplish it. Now you’re sitting here a couple months later with the same mess and even more stress about it.  Make it your goal today to set up a system that will help you achieve success.  It may be as easy as creating a weekly project checklist.  Don’t overwhelm yourself by assigning yourself too many tasks each week.  Maybe set two 30 minute time slots per week to tackle a specific area in your home.  Once you finish that area, start on the next.Just as we talked about earlier, cutting your goal up into bite-size pieces will cut back on the overwhelm and make your project manageable.  This is key…Don’t forget to keep yourself accountable by scheduling this in your calendar and set a timer to work by.  Take your goals seriously and don’t let anything interrupt the time you’ve set aside to accomplish these goals.

As I mentioned earlier, I fell off the wagon on some of my goals this year, too.  Here is how I worked through the exercise we just outlined:

I’ve narrowed it down to two trouble areas for me:

  1. Problem: Wasting too much time online.  I would start to do some research for a blog post I was working on and next thing I knew I was reading about Madonna’s daughter’s new fashion line!  And just so you know, my research had nothing to do with fashion!  It’s super easy to get sucked into the online vortex, but admitting your problem is the first step, right?
    My fix:  About a month ago I began setting a pretty strict morning schedule for myself.  The routine has been great, but after the first month, I realized I needed a little more structure to ensure my success, so I incorporated tracking each of my daily tasks in a planner and using a timer.  This has worked very well.  Daily accountability in black and white and on a countdown!By the way, I plan to write an entire post on the beauty and benefits of setting a morning routine (even for you non-morning people) with some really great tips for you to consider, so be on the lookout for that in the future.
  2. Problem: I was overly ambitious and set too many goals.
    My fix: I had to reprioritize my goals and drop some of my overambitious goals off my list.  The ones I dropped are still important to me, but I dropped them in an effort to do better in certain areas and not spread myself too thin.  I will revisit those goals in the future.

I hope working through this exercise will help you to get back on track.  It has helped me!  Now, one last thing…

Third, stay positive!  Don’t dwell on what could have been.  As long as you made an effort to understand what the obstacles to your progress were, and have set some solutions, get back on the wagon and enjoy the ride!  Pat yourself on the back for the successes you’ve already had this year.  Even if you’ve only accomplished or have improved on one goal on your list–good job!

I’d like to hear from you.  How are you doing now that we’re two months into the year?  Are you doing well with achieving your goals, or can you relate to this post?  What have you struggled with?  Please do tell…you’re helping others by sharing.

As always, thanks for spending time with me today.

Jill xx

P.S.  If you haven’t already subscribed to my blog, please do so now by entering your email address in the form on my site.  You will receive a weekly post filled with inspiration, a fresh perspective, and a challenge to create the life you want and love.

/0 Comments/by