April 2015 - Jill Gottenstrater

Taking Time to Develop My Passion in San Diego

If you’ve read my blog before, you know I am a big believer in self-care and personal development. As you can see from my note above, I traveled to San Diego, California this week to do a little of both: attending a one-day conference and visiting with family. I won’t be writing a typical blog post this week, but wanted to share some photos with you for fun.

If you’ve never been to San Diego, you must! It’s a beautiful area. I’m going to share a few photos below of the first 36 hours of my visit.

I should have known something was going on when my luggage was held up in security. They spend a good two minutes eye-balling my bag under the x-ray machine.
I’m guessing this stash below was the reason why. My husband snuck in these tasty goodies to surprise me on my trip. Yep, he’s a keeper!

The weather in San Diego is typically clear skies and sunny with an average temperature of 70 degrees. Not too shabby! It has been a little overcast and in the mid-60’s on my visit thus far. Great walking weather!

I’m staying in the La Jolla area and there are lots of surfers, and as you can see from the photo below, scuba divers too, that frequent this beach.

Beach art!

I could watch sandpipers all day. They walk super fast and stick their long beaks in the sand to pull out insects and other small organisms to eat. Check out his reflection.

This seagull had a cool personality. He was strutting around like he owned the place.

Surf rescue gulls!

These beautiful trees, at a park along the beach, are works of art!

These flowers along the beach path that smell like heaven! Not sure of the name but I had my nose buried in these every chance I got.

Leaving the beach area now and strolling through some neighborhoods close by…

I have some horticulture, landscape design friends who laugh at me because instead of identifying plants/trees by their real names, I just name them for how they look. I have named this tree a “painted bottlebrush”. Please chime in down in the comment section if you know the true name.

Bird of Paradise!

Amazing succulent garden in someone’s front yard.

These beautiful gated entryways to homes are typical in this area.

I feel sorry for these people. Just look at what they have to look at every day!

Rusty pelican guarding this home’s front entrance.

After enjoying a long walk, I headed off to my conference.

This was my view at the conference. That’s Chris Ducker and Pat Flynn up front. The day was AWESOME! I met so many smart, kind and generous people with hearts for making a difference online. I’ll tell you more about it in the future.

I’m here for a few more days to spend time with some of my West Coast family. Look forward to meeting you back here next Saturday!

Jill xx

April 25, 2015/6 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Inspiration, Personal Development, Purpose

Combat Fear and Shame by Sharing Your Story

Last week I talked about the lessons I’ve learned after recently reading my mom’s autopsy report. I have received countless messages, mostly private, from people telling me that reading that post really struck a chord with them—many could relate directly to the problem with alcoholism in families, others could relate because they have been or are going through some other sort of trauma in their lives.

Many people told me that by reading my story, it helped them to see their own situation in a different light and encouraged them in a profound way.

This is exactly why I write this blog…to share stories, ideas, and perspectives that will impact and improve our lives—whether it be related to goal setting, overcoming obstacles, finding the extraordinary in the ordinary, or about opening up about a difficult time in your life, like I did with last week’s post.

My goal today is to encourage you to think about sharing your story.

If the idea of sharing scares you, remember that there’s not a “sharing formula” you must follow. You don’t have to write about it like I did in a blog, you just need to move forward…take the first step.

Maybe you’ll choose to share with a friend or a counselor, confide in a support group, write in a private journal, or maybe you’ll be the one to share your story in a memoir for the whole world to see.

If sharing were always easy, I wouldn’t be writing this post, would I? Let’s talk about a few of the obstacles we face in sharing our stories and then finish up with some reasons that support the importance of sharing:

REASONS YOU MIGHT CHOOSE NOT TO SHARE YOUR STORY:

Fear. You were not created to live in a state of fear. Fear is like a bully who holds you captive, preventing you from reaching your full potential. A key to overcoming fear is to name it, so you can deal with it. Answer this question: Why are you scared to tell your story? Embarrassment? Shame? Being ostracized? Once you name your fear, you can begin breaking down the reasons for it and addressing how you will overcome it.
Shame. Dr. Brene Brown has studied shame for many years and offers the following counsel: “Shame cannot survive being spoken and met with empathy.” She gives these three points to combat shame: 1. Talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love. 2. Reach out to someone you trust. 3. Tell your story.
Timing. Don’t rush things. What I shared last week took 11 years for me to be able to share to the degree that I did. There are other chapters in my story that I’m actively working through—parts that I may share in the future, or may not. It’s important for each of us to use discernment and to allow the right timing to unfold.

REASONS YOU SHOULD SHARE YOUR STORY:

Bring Light to the Darkness. Have you ever woken in fear from a nightmare and as soon as you switched on the light, you felt better? It works the same with real-life nightmares. When we tuck things away in the dark, we allow them to haunt us. Darkness is fertile ground for breeding fear and shame.
Healing. Sharing you story can bring tremendous healing, both physically and mentally, to yourself and to others.
Sharing is Caring. Sharing is both an act of self-care (healing) and altruism. When you share you have the ability to make a positive impact in someone else’s life. Don’t be stingy with the blessing you are meant to be. : )

Whether I’m fortunate enough to witness your story sharing or not, I thank you in advance for being courageous.

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me here today. Please share this post with someone you care about.

Have a great day!

Jill xx

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April 18, 2015/3 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Mindset, Personal Development, Purpose

Lessons Learned: Perspective from an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

I received a package in the mail this week that contained my mother’s autopsy report. She died 11 years ago, but some of her things were sent to me recently after my step-dad passed away. My mom’s death certificate, which I had a copy of, listed her immediate cause of death as “complications due to alcohol use”. Until now, I’d never laid eyes on the actual autopsy report.

I didn’t know it back then, but I wasn’t ready to read this report, full of detail, 11 years ago. I was too close to my loss and too wrapped up in the pain of my circumstances. Reading it at that time would have been like pouring alcohol into an open wound.

Reading the narrative from the medical examiner’s office this week was not pleasant–I felt nauseous and I sat and cried for a while. But, you know what I realized? It didn’t feel like a Band-Aid being ripped off an exposed wound. It just felt like I was reading a sad chapter in my mom’s life…in my life.

The lens in which I view that part of my life is different now, it’s more focused—in a good way.

These last 11 years have taught me plenty, but these two quotes beautifully sum up what I know to be true today.

“Every single thing that has happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.” –Unknown Author Read more

April 11, 2015/9 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Mindset, Personal Development, Productivity

The Art of Delegation – Let It Go

Today wraps up our three-part series on self-care. Week one, we talked about taking care of yourself before you crash and burn; week two, we talked about the power of saying “no”; and this week we’re tying this self-care package up with a pretty little bow called DELEGATION.

Now before you decide that the only people who have authority to delegate are people that have employees, think again. Let’s see how Merriam Webster defines the word delegate:

Good news! Every single one of us has the power and authority to delegate stuff in our lives! Stuff in our work lives, stuff at home, stuff in our community involvement, etc.

My list of current “would love to delegate” items include: monthly deep cleaning at my house, some of the back end tech stuff for this blog, picking up dog poop in my yard (ok, that’s just dreamy talk…I wouldn’t ask anyone else to do that awesome job!). We did recently hire someone to mow our lawn (our son who has moved off to college was our previous delegatee for that job).

Lazy or unrealistic you may say?? I beg to differ! Here are a few reasons why I think it’s important to delegate as part of your self-care regimen:

You will open yourself up to more meaningful opportunities. If your schedule is full, you will likely turn down or miss out on really good opportunities because you can’t fit them in your schedule.
You should always try and utilize the highest and best use of your time. For example: Say you have 15 potentially productive hours in any given day. Here’s a hypothetical breakdown: Work at your job = 9 hours, commute to and from work = 1 hour, grocery shop = 30 minutes, prepare & eat dinner = 1.5 hours, laundry/iron = 1 hour, exercise = 1 hour. That all equals 14 hours. You’ve got one hour left of “awake” time in your day. Would you rather have some down time to read, work on a fun project, visit with a friend, spend quality time with a family member OR mop the floors? I say throw the dang mop in! Hire someone to do the deep cleaning of your house. Can you tell I’m working on convincing myself here? ; )
You empower and/or provide opportunities for others when you delegate. That’s right! Consider your delegating as an altruistic act. : )
On a serious note, we often hold on to tasks/jobs/activities for the wrong reasons—we’ll discuss some of these below–but by letting go, you may be giving someone else an opportunity at a learning experience or a chance to shine in something they do very well.

So now that we have some good reasons to do some delegating in our lives, let’s flip the coin and address some reasons as to why we might have trouble actually delegating stuff in our lives.

Fear. Many people, especially in the workplace, fear if they delegate, their job might be in jeopardy or they will be needed less or seen as less important. This is generally not the case. Someone in a company who masters the art of delegation, will usually get more accomplished by utilizing the highest and best use of their own time. The same thing can happen with families–for all you homemakers out there–it is not a sign of failure if you decide to delegate some of your home management duties. You know the saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
Loss of control. Whether you are a perfectionist or uncertainty causes you anxiety, the idea of losing control is a tough hurtle to overcome. You must first come to terms with the fact that no mortal being has control over the future and to charge one’s self with the weight of this is an unrealistic burden. Secondly, fighting perfectionism is an uphill battle. If you can manage to let go of control, you will experience a freedom like no other.
Martyrdom. If you are taking things on to make people feel sorry for you, please find it within yourself to stop immediately. Martyrdom is the wrong reason to do anything. It is a form of manipulation that is not healthy for you or those around you.
Lack of money. I mentioned wanting to hire someone to do the deep cleaning at my house—yes, this costs money, but my husband and I both have full-time jobs and we make decisions and sacrifices that will add value to our chosen lifestyle. Obviously, each individual or family has to make their own decisions as to what is important to them and what they can afford. If I make the leap to hire a housekeeper, I would personally make a decision to cut back on eating out. If it’s not an option for you to delegate tasks where a fee or charge is involved, I would highly recommend a barter. Using my example, I could offer a housekeeper free marketing or business coaching in return for his or her services. Get creative…there is usually a way to make things work.

We all deal with different obstacles when it comes to empowering ourselves with delegating, but the key is to remember that the point of delegation is to create a life for yourself in which you are free to do what you were created to do, what you enjoy doing, what is necessary for your family, and what you do best.

I encourage you today to take a look at areas in your life that may be worth delegating, so that you can get to the really good stuff. I’ve created a Delegation Worksheet to help you get started.

Click here to download your free Delegation Worksheet.

I’d love to hear what you decide to delegate! Leave your one thing or a list of items in the comments section below.

Thanks for spending time here with me today!

April 4, 2015/4 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater