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Top 5 Online Etiquette Rules

I’m sure you’ve seen the animal cruelty commercials with Sarah McLachlan’s voice crooning a sad song in the background.  If you haven’t, I don’t recommend you do, the images are haunting and painful to watch.

Earlier this week, I read a friend’s Facebook post and was sickened by what she had involuntarily experienced online.

Here’s what Cheri wrote:

“I feel violated! Right here on facebook I just saw a woman get run over. I’m sickened by something I cannot “unsee”. All to raise awareness of the dangers of playing pranks.

Did that need to be shared? Do tortured dogs and insane criminals and fatal car accidents need to be on facebook? Does seeing horrific images really cause people to act differently? Do scare tactics work?

Research says time and time again an astounding NO!!

So for the love of all that is good, please stop sending horrific images to your unsuspecting friends. I’d rather see people’s’ self-centered, duck-faced selfies (barf) than these kinds of horrors.

Awareness is fine. Sensationalism is not.

Rant over. Carry on.”

Have you experienced something like this?  I once saw a video of a prison beating that I couldn’t get out of my head for weeks.

Did you know that in some cases, seeing images like this on TV or the Internet can lead to symptoms much like PTSD?

In light of all this, I think it’s a good opportunity for us to be reminded of some basic etiquette rules we should be following in our online interactions.

I’ve come up with my top five list here.  Feel free to add others in the comments section, but please follow these rules when you do so. : )

JILL’S TOP FIVE ONLINE ETIQUETTE RULES

Be Kind.  You know what it feels like when someone is unkind to you…it hurts.  Remember how that felt next time you start to say or do something unkind to someone online.  If there’s any question, I suggest you speak out loud what you have typed before you share, and when in doubt, just follow Jesus’ teaching, “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.”

Be Authentic.  Oscar Wilde offers this bit of advice: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”  If your online and in-real-life personality and behavior are markedly different, you might want to check your motives and make some adjustments.  If people don’t like you for who you were created to be, don’t worry about trying to please them.

Think Before You “Speak”.  Remember that nothing is ever permanently removed or deleted online.  If you are super emotionally charged about something, try using a one-hour rule: write or type out your thoughts and wait one hour before hitting send/reply/post.  Also, please refrain from hateful spewing when you don’t agree with someone else’s opinion or perspective.  Looking for a job?  Prospective employers are looking online to find out more about their applicants…they may see something that will put you out of the running.

Don’t post disturbing graphics or videos.  Don’t cause your friends emotional distress by sharing things that they will not be able to “unsee.”  If you’re determined to share this type of media, please post a content warning and include a link or a page your friends can visit–if they choose to.         

Promote Good.  There is so much good in our world, but oftentimes the “bad” news overruns the headlines.  We can change this by what we choose to view and share: 1. Watch the good stuff, ignore the rest.  2. Be generous in sharing the beautiful, funny, sweet, and amazing goodness you experience or come across.

Have a great week!

Jill xx

P.S.  If you enjoy reading my blog, please share with your friends and family.  Thanks!

One last thing…in an effort to share joy online, you must watch this mega dose of cuteness:

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The Definition of Success – A 10 Year Old’s Perspective

Today, I’ve got a real treat for you!

Recently, my 10-year old niece, Lauren, was visiting from Texas and she asked me if we could “do a blog.”  She had seen that I’ve done some video blogs, and because the kids today are all about watching YouTube videos, she thought it would be fun.

I asked her what she was interesting in doing and she said that she’d like to do a video talking about animals and nature.  I explained to her, while I love talking about those things, the people that read my blog might be more interested in hearing about her perspective on some of the big questions that grown-ups ponder.

You know, the BIG questions, like: What is the meaning of life? What is success? How do you find your life’s purpose?

I explained to her that sometimes grown-ups can over-complicate things, and it would be good to hear a kid’s unadulterated perspective on these subjects.

Well, Lauren thought this would be great, so she and I worked on a list of questions and she chose this one: What is the definition of success and what does it mean to you? Read more

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3 Steps to Cultivate and Grow Your Relationships

“Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden.   Time, effort and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.” – Jim Rohn

I love this quote!  The words Mr. Rohn uses have such vivid imagery: cultivated…imagination…summoned…flourishing…growing.  He points out that human relationships, just like a garden, require time, effort, and imagination to flourish and grow, but did you notice these two words (their significance slipped past me when I first read the quote):  summoned and constantly?  That means the actions we take in our relationships are not a one-time thing–we must be intentional and diligent when it comes to the tending of our relationships–the time, effort and imagination must be summoned constantly.

If you’ve ever had a garden, you know the amount of work it takes to plan, plant, maintain, and harvest it.

Friends, if we don’t pay close attention to our relational “gardens,” the weeds will take hold and choke out the potential for beauty and bounty.

Do you have weeds threatening to take over your “garden”?  Have the weeds infiltrated the relationships with your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends?

The good news is that, today, each of us has an opportunity and the ability to get in our “gardens,” get the weeds out, and let the flourishing begin!

Let’s take Mr. Rohn’s lead and break it down in three parts: Time, Imagination, and Effort.

Time:  Relationships require time to develop, grow, and thrive.  Regardless of who we are, or what we do, we all have exactly 168 hours in each week.  Every single one of us is able to carve out time to devote to our relationships.

If you’re reading this and tensing up right now because you can’t imagine where you’ll find any extra time to do anything else, then I suggest you make a list of all that you do and see what really needs your attention and what you can get rid of or move around in order to make room for something as important as a relationship with someone you love.

In years past, I was the “volunteer queen,” doing a little bit of everything for everyone that asked.  Guess what suffered?  My relationship with my husband.  Because he’s not much of a squeaky wheel, I had to mostly figure this out on my own, but am I ever thankful I did!  My stumbling block was that because I was “doing good” and helping people, I thought that those things needed to take top priority in my schedule.  This isn’t true.  I learned the importance of protecting and cultivating our most important relationships, and by doing so, everything else will fall into place, including “doing good.”  I still find time to volunteer, but I’m careful to be realistic with the time I have available, and I use the word “no” more often so I don’t overcommit.

Imagination:  This is the fun part!  Use your imagination and think outside the box for ways to cultivate and enrich your relationships.

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, writes of the importance of discovering the “love language” of those you are in relationship with (spouse, kids, friends, parents) in order to express your love most effectively.  Believe me, figuring this out will be a huge benefit for your relationships.  Click here to read an article I wrote on this topic – in it I share how I discovered my husband’s love language – it goes along with our gardening theme today!

Once you understand the love language of those you are in relationship with it will help direct your thinking so that you can let your imagination go wild and come up with some fun ideas to express your love!  This is important, because one person might feel loved when you spend time working on a home project with them, another may prefer to be showered in gifts, and another may just want to hold your hand while you stroll through a park.

Effort:  Yes, even the best relationships take effort to develop and maintain.  Depending on the type of relationship and what’s going on in that relationship at the time, this might mean you’ve got some hard work ahead of you.  If that’s the case, just take it one day at a time, keep your head up and before you know it, you’ll be able to look back and see all the progress you’ve made.

On the other hand, there are times when the fruits of your imagination require effort that is fun and exciting.  Enjoy the process!

That’s it!  Time, imagination and effort = flourishing relationships.

Now, let’s put what we’ve talked about to use.  Before you move on to the next part of your day:  1. Pick one person you’d like to cultivate the relationship of, 2. Figure out their love language, 3. Schedule something that will benefit your relationship, 3. Repeat over time, 4. Enjoy the fruits of your “labor!”

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me here today!  If you found value in this post, please make sure to share it with others.

Here’s to your relationships growing and flourishing!

Jill xx

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Journaling…The Benefits, Methods and Ideas

Dear Diary,

I’m feeling a little blue today.  I don’t know why, but maybe the lack of sunshine has something to do with it, or maybe it’s my sister!  We got in a fight today.  She can be sooo emotional and rude!!  I wish she’d move to Timbuktu.  Later today I’m going to the mall with Beth and Maryanne.  I hope I have a good time!  I’ve saved up $14 and I’m going to the pet store to see if I can get a turtle.  Mom’s calling…gotta go…   

If you’re female, this journal entry probably looks, or at least sounds, familiar.  I made this particular entry up, but I remember as a child the power of being able to write all your “young-self” thoughts and dreams down in a pretty little journal—mine, equipped with its own lock and key!

It’s been a few decades since I wrote in my first journal and over the years journaling has come in and out of my life.  Today, I have three different journals that I write in–a writing journal that I mind-map my ideas for future blog posts, a daily gratitude and goal journal, and a prayer journal.

No matter your age or gender, the process of journal writing can be very beneficial.  So much so, that I’m going to share with you the top five benefits of journaling, a wide variety of topics to journal on, and I’ll discuss physical and online tools for journaling and the importance of your journaling environment.

Let’s get started!

FIVE WAYS JOURNALING WILL BENEFIT YOU

Protect Your Sanity and Your Relationships.  Journaling can be like having your own built-in therapist.  There are times when it’s more productive and ultimately healthier for you to dump your unfiltered thoughts out on a page in your journal rather than dumping those thoughts out on your spouse, your friend, or your colleague.  Don’t you hate it when something comes out of your mouth that later you wish you could take back, but by then, the damage is done?  Some things are definitely better left unsaid, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and work through those emotions with pen and paper.

Processing.  As I mentioned earlier, I use a journal to mind-map my writing ideas.  This has proven to be a fantastic way for me to creatively process and brainstorm ideas in a way that “just thinking” about them doesn’t.

On the other hand, processing may come in the form of working through emotional stuff that’s going on in your life, like I mentioned in the first benefit above.  Processing will generally bring clarity and a fresh perspective.

Hindsight is 20/20.  We can learn much from past experiences—good and bad.  This is of particular benefit when you use a “project” journal (more on this later).  When you journal through a project you will later be able to see what worked and where things may have gone wrong.  The details will usually appear more clearly when you’ve taken a few steps away from the actual experience.

This 20/20 hindsight vision can also be an awareness tool for unhealthy patterns that come up in our relationships.  For example, if you are in an unhappy or abusive relationship and you take a look back over your last year of journaling and see that you didn’t have one good day, then that written reminder may give you the strength and courage to get help or leave the relationship.

Time Capsule.  Your journals are a snapshot of times gone by.  Even if you have an excellent memory, you will never be able to remember all that you capture in your journals.  Whether you’re looking back to see how far you’ve come on a personal or professional level, or to remember the details of a trip you took years ago, a journal is an excellent way to preserve your thoughts, life’s milestones, and memories.  Journals can also be precious pieces of history to pass down to your children or other family members.  We’ll discuss privacy concerns later.

Deepening of Faith.  I have a friend that writes to God in her journal every day.  Getting things out of your head and heart and out on paper is a cathartic exercise and this type of daily communication to God has enriched her faith life profoundly.  She inspired me to start my own prayer journal, and although I am not as consistent as she is, I too, find this process enjoyable and rewarding.

NOT SURE WHAT TO JOURNAL ABOUT?
10 Ideas to Get You Started Today…

Personal Journal.  This is probably the type of journaling that most people think about when they hear the word journaling.  This style of journaling is a great way to pour your heart out and process through things going on in your life.  If necessary, keep your journal under lock and key.  I have a friend who keeps his personal journals in a small locked safe in his house.  His family has been instructed to get rid of the journals if he dies before them.  Not that there’s anything bad in them, it just gives him a sense of peace when he’s writing that he can be totally authentic and not worry about someone reading what he writes.  (Make sure to read about Journal Privacy rules below.)

Travel Journal.  You won’t regret journaling during your travels.  Not only will this type of journal serve as a memories scrapbook, but you can always go back and retrieve information for future visits or to share with others traveling to the same area.  Make sure to include favorite restaurants, hikes, monuments, hotels or B&Bs, bookstores, etc. in your journal.

Food or Dinner Party Journal.  Years ago, my mom used to keep a journal of dinner party details–who was there, what she served, and notes that might be helpful for next time those same guests came again.  This type of journal would be great for passing down to your kids too.  I don’t know where my mom’s journal went, but I’d sure love to have it.

Gratitude Journal.  Life is good when you consistently express your gratitude.  As I mentioned earlier, I have one journal that I jot down a few things I’m grateful for every day.  A gratitude journal is fun to look back at over the years, because you’ll see times when you were obviously struggling to find things to be grateful for and other times when you write ten items down instead of your typical three.

Writing Journal.  I love my writing journal!  I mind-map most of my blog post ideas in this journal.  This process allows me to brain dump everything out on a page without worrying about editing.  Click here to see an article I wrote titled, “Mind Mapping: Who Should Use it And Why.”

I generally carry my writing journal around with me too.  I don’t know how many times I’ve thought of a great idea to write about and if I don’t have my journal handy, I just hope that I’ll remember it when I get back home.  Nine times out of ten, I forget!  Sometimes I’ll just write one word or phrase down in the middle of a page and come back to mind-map it later.

Project Journal.  Whether it’s a home, work, volunteer project, or something in between, a project journal is a great place to store your ideas, plans, shopping lists, purchase information, etc.  Just like with a travel journal, you can go back to your project journal years later to remind yourself of that specific paint color you used or where you purchased that special lamp the dog just knocked over and broke into 22 pieces.

Goal Tracking Journal.  This is a great tool for personal and professional goal tracking.  I incorporate both gratitude and goal tracking in one of my journals.

Memories of Your Children or Grandchildren’s Lives.  My mother-in-law kept a journal for 12 years with notes from her famous “Grandma’s Summer Camp” that our son attended at her house one week every summer.  She has also keeps a separate journal for each of her grandchildren, full of special memories and thoughts specific to each grandchild.

If I could go back in time, I would have started a journal like this for our son when he was born.  Even if it only included the silly little things only parents care about or “kids say the darndest things” type quotes.  Think about doing this if you have young ones.

Prayer Journal.  Talk to God.  Thank him for your blessings and tell him what’s on your heart.  I have a feeling that more people start these types of journals in times of desperation, and that is good, but if you use this type of journal in the good times too, your relationship with God will have a chance to develop on the mountaintops as well as in the valleys.

Drawing journal.  Maybe you’d rather doodle than write words.  Doodle away, my friends!  Studies have shown that doodling helps improve memory, focus, and brain function.  Doodling is a good way to express feelings too…get those creative juices flowing and see where your doodling takes you.

METHODS OF JOURNALING
There are lots of options when it comes to journaling, from using a regular notebook to a fancy leather bound journal, to capturing your thoughts via an online tool.  Following are some options to consider.

Good ol’ pen and paper.  Check out your local stationery, book, or gift store for a good journal selection.  You can also search online (Google it) to find some unique journals.

Don’t do this: I used to get so caught up in finding the right journal, that I would delay the whole journaling process until I found just the right one.  This is fine if it takes a day or two, but I would go months without finding the right journal!  Trust me on this, just grab a notebook and get started.  If you really want to keep it in a fancy journal you can glue or tape the notebook pages in later when you find the perfect one.

Online Options:
Penzu:  This is the best online journal tool I have found in regards to functionality and design.  It is super user friendly, private and secure, you can add in photos, and they will even email you a daily reminder to write.  I like that it looks like you are actually writing on lined notepaper too!  They have both a free and paid version.  Click here to check it out.

The 5-Minute Journal:  I’ve heard great things about this journal in its traditional book format and now they have an app for less than $5 that backs up your journal entries to your iCloud account.  This journal has five daily writing prompts, and for those that are time pressed, it only takes five minutes per day.  Click here to check it out.

Evernote:  I love Evernote!  Although I’ve never used it specifically for journaling, I would use it if I ever switched from my preferred pen and paper method of journaling.  Evernote appears to have all the same bells and whistles that Penzu does, but you aren’t typing into what looks like lined notebook paper.  Evernote also has both a free and paid version.  Click here to check it out.

Microsoft Word:  A word processing option for not only your home computer but for your mobile devices as well.  Microsoft now has a Cloud storage option so you can access your data anywhere.  Click here to check it out.  If you are a Mac user, click here for info on Pages.

Google Docs:  Another word processing tool similar to Microsoft Word, but it’s online and it’s free.  Accessible on your PC and mobile devices.  Click here to check it out.

FINDING THAT SPECIAL PLACE TO JOURNAL

My environment is super important to me, especially when writing.  Obviously, you can journal most anywhere or anytime, but if you’re able to set aside a special place and specific time each day to journal, you are more likely to get it done and it makes the process more enjoyable.

You might like a cozy, quiet spot to have a hot cup of tea while you journal, while others may prefer a busy coffee shop setting.  However or wherever you do it, the most important thing is to block out time to do it.

JOURNAL PRIVACY…A final word

Don’t EVER read or share someone else’s journal unless you’re invited to.  Please respect the privacy of others.  We really shouldn’t have to use our lock and keys.
There are only two exceptions that I can think of to this important rule:
1.  The journal needs to be used as court evidence for a crime committed.
2.  Someone goes missing or dies and you expect foul play.

I’d love to hear from you.  Do you journal?  What’s your preferred method–are you an old-school pen and paper type or do you prefer online?  Is your environment an important part of your journaling experience?  How often do you journal?  Please share in the comments section below.

As always, I appreciate you spending time here with me today.

Happy journaling!

Jill xx

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