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Time is Short…How Are You Spending Yours?

In the blink of an eye, something happens that changes everything:

You lose someone important in your life…
The baby you held in your arms heads off to college…
Your marriage dissolves…
The 5 pound gain turns to 40…
A parent’s health begins to decline…
20 years has passed by and you’ve yet to…

Time is short…it either passes us by, with what seems like warp speed, or creeps up on us and catches us by surprise.

Today, I’d like you to spend the next few minutes–or if you have it, the next hour or two–answering the six questions below.  You may want to work through all in one sitting or spread them out over the next week.  I have included exercises with each area, so feel free to use those as a guide through this process.

The point is for us to take inventory of our lives and see how we can make the most out of our precious time.

Here we go…

MAKING AN IMPACT:  How do you want to be remembered?  What will your legacy be?  How will your obituary read?

Exercise:  Write your own obituary.  You could take it from two approaches:  Write it as it would truthfully read today and see where you see “impact holes.”  Secondly, you could write out the obituary that you’d love to see.  Either way, find the impact areas you haven’t accomplished yet, and begin to work toward implementing those in your life.

CULTIVATING RELATIONSHIPS:  Are you taking steps to nurture and grow your most important relationships?

Exercise:  Write a list of names of your most important relationships.  Now think about how those relationships could be enriched.  Some relationships will be fine as is, others may need a little TLC.  Try not to overcomplicate things either.  Nurturing a relationship can be as simple as texting one of the people on your list every couple of weeks, another may be to make a walking date every month, another to get together every three months for a fun weekend.  The point of this exercise is not to overwhelm your schedule, it is to bless you and those you are in relationship with.

LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS:  Have you pushed your dreams to the back burner?  Are you stuck trying to figure out how to make your dream a reality?

Exercise: Write out your big dream and then write out the first 10 steps that could begin to make your dream a reality.  Oftentimes the biggest stumbling block to not living out a dream is not starting because the process seems overwhelming or unrealistic.  When you write out these 10 steps you’ve now got a “to-do” list broken out into digestible steps that you can begin working on.  Maybe you have a dream to travel to Europe.  Step 1 might be to research areas you’d like to see.  Step 2 to look into cost of flights and accommodations. Step 3 to set a budget.  Step 4 to set your dates.  Etc. etc.

LOSING CONTROL:  Are you trying to control things that are not within your control?  You’re fighting a losing battle, my friend.

Exercise:  Write out the things you struggle to control most.  Look at your list and see which of these you have the ability and power to control…circle those.  Now draw a line or a big X through the others.  Work on the ones you have circled and let go of those you have crossed out.

NOT WORRYING AROUT TOMORROW:  “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has its own worries.”  This quote is so true.  Worrying about anticipated threats is a complete waste of your time and energy.

Exercise:  Write a list of the things you worry about most.  With each item, write out possible solutions.  If there are no solutions, then work on staying in the present moment.  Worrying ties in with letting go of the things you cannot control: both these areas are some of the hardest to overcome, but very critical to living a fulfilled life.

PAYING ATTENTION TO YOUR HEALTH:  How’s your physical health?  How about your emotional health?  Are you eating right, exercising, and sleeping well?  Are you filling your mind with positive thoughts?

Exercise:  Include non-negotiables in your schedule to keep yourself healthy.  Schedule exercise, time to prepare healthy meals, and proper sleep.  If you struggle with emotional issues, schedule non-negotiable time for counsel, for exercise, and the other things to work on getting healthy.  Put these things in your calendar today.

A lot to think about, but remember time is short, so don’t delay in making your time on this earth the best it can be.

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me here today.

If you found this post helpful, please share with your friends and co-workers.

Have a great day!

Jill xx

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Are You Comfortable in Your Own Shoes?

Following is an excerpt from something a friend of mine wrote on his Facebook page a couple days ago:

“I may not know everything about myself and I know I’m far from perfect – but I like what I do know and for the first time feel confident and comfortable in my own shoes.  Shoes I know I like because I like them, not because I saw them on someone else.”

In his post, Landon, who had just celebrated a birthday that, as he put it, pushed him firmly into his 40s, was giving thanks for all the birthday well wishes, but was also sharing another important personal milestone in his life…finding, understanding, and loving his authentic self.

Earlier in that same post, he wrote, “I don’t think I wanted to know who I was before, and instead just mimicked what I saw around me.”

Can anyone relate?

I can chalk up most of my childhood, 20’s and 30’s to feeling this same way.

Does going through a Madonna (the singer, not the Virgin One!), hippie, and “rocker” phase, all within a couple years, tell you anything?  And believe me, I got into each phase with gusto!  That all took place in my teens–my 20s and 30s brought on their own set of mimicry issues.

I would guess that most of us, at some point, have struggled with identity issues, some more than others, but the beauty in this story today, is someone “coming into their own” and sharing their experience with us.

We can learn from others.

You and I can learn from the words Landon shared.  We can learn for ourselves, for our children, for our friends.

My challenge for all of us today is to realize the importance of, and take steps towards, living as authentic people.  Let’s stop walking around wearing someone else’s shoes.  It’s no fun!

Following are some key points that may be helpful to you as you traverse along your journey in discovering your authentic self:

Introspection: A little self-examination goes a long way.  Ask yourself these introspective questions, either during or after you’ve experienced certain emotions:
1. When I get upset or agitated, what is the core reason for the emotion?  Am I feeling attacked?  Are painful memories being brought to the surface?  Am I feeling judged?  For certain parts of this exercise, I find it helpful to step away from my circumstances and view it from an outsider’s perspective.  Doing this gives some clarity and “unbiased” perspective that I might not be able to see through my eyes.
2. When I’m really grateful, what is the core reason?  Do I feel understood?  Do I feel safe?  Do I feel blessed?

Discovering the answers to these types of questions will help you uncover truths about yourself that are extremely important in this process.

Consider taking it a step further and work through these questions and answers in your journal.

Forgiveness: “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”  The act of forgiveness sets you free.  Free to move to an emotionally and physically healthy place.  Remember that forgiving doesn’t equal forgetting, and it doesn’t equal acceptance of the wrong that was committed.  This goes for forgiving others as well as forgiving yourself.  Forgiving yourself can be harder than forgiving someone else, but it’s just as important.

Listen & Be Open to Criticism: There are two types of criticism.  Constructive criticism can point out a mistake or a fault, but is intended to provide improvement and growth opportunities.  Destructive criticism is hurtful and can have negative effects on self-confidence.  Being criticized can be hard, but if you learn to receive constructive criticism well, you’ll have an opportunity to grow in ways you might not imagine possible.

Give of Yourself:  I’ve learned more about myself when I’m not “thinking about or doing for myself.”  The point of giving is not to receive, but I’ve found, time and again, the beautiful bonus of giving is going away with more than you came in with.

Practice Gratitude:  The practice of expressing gratitude not only brings the obvious benefit–feeling content and happy–but it also brings a concentrated awareness of the important things in life.  I love this quote by author Melody Beattie: “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Maturity: You know the old saying, “with age comes wisdom.”  This can certainly be true, but we need to be mindful of the latter part of that quote, too: “…but sometimes age comes alone.”  No matter our age, we will always be a work in progress, but we have so much to gain from our experiences.  The key is to actually learn from those experiences.

Think about these six areas as opportunities to grow closer or deeper into a person who is comfortable in her own shoes!

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me today.

Jill xx

P.S.  If you enjoyed this post, you might also like this video I did on authentic living.

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How to Create a Vision Board in 3 Easy Steps

Ahhhh…summer is drawing to an end, kids are headed back to school, vacations are wrapping up, and most of us will be settling back into our normal, non-summer routines at home and work.

I’ve got an idea…let’s not let summer slip away too quickly.  Let’s do something fun today!

(NOTE: If you are reading this at another time of year, there’s no better day to create your vision board than today!)

You know how much I love and encourage journaling?  Well, today’s fun “end of summer” project is kind of like journaling in a way.

We are going to create a vision board!! 

If you’ve never created a vision board, you are in for a real treat!  It’s super easy–I have listed out the supplies (they are minimal) you will need and have written out the three easy steps to create your board.

Making a vision board is fun to do on your own or in a group setting.  Kids can create one, and I bet if I was visiting my 100-year-old Granny this weekend, I could convince her to make one too!

I create vision boards for two reasons: 1. It’s fun!  When else do I get to play with paper, scissors and a glue stick?  2. It helps to keep my goals, my dreams, and the things I love and find joy in, at the forefront of my mind.

I’ve created several vision boards over the years and I keep them all.  It’s fun to look back and see what has happened in my life since I created the earlier vision board.  It’s also interesting to compare what I choose to include in my present day board versus the previous ones.

Here’s the last one I created about four years ago.  A friend of mine had a bunch of ladies over to her house and we all sat around a table and created our vision boards.  It was a ton of fun!
Vision Board from 2011

Now, here is the one that I am currently working on.  I plan on finishing it this weekend.

Vision Board Words Cut Out

One BIG thing I noticed about this go round, is that I selected mostly words or phrases instead of images.  I guess it makes sense, since over the last couple of years, I’ve spent a great deal of time writing.  I do love words!  There are a couple of images I will add to the mix, but I have to print those from my camera (family and places I love).  I’m also going to write out a couple favorite quotes to include.

So, let’s get you started on creating your own vision board!  I’ve included a supply list and instructions to create your own vision board in three simple steps.

By the way, you can easily do this project in one sitting, but if you prefer to stretch the process out collect the words and images over a couple of weeks, that’ll work too.

Have fun!

What you will need:

  1. A stack of magazines you don’t might cutting up. If you don’t have any, run by your local library and ask for their past issues.  My library is happy for me to take their old magazines and “recycle” them in this way.  You can also use your own photos for this step.
  2. A glue stick or rubber cement work the best.  I wouldn’t suggest Elmer’s liquid glue because it makes the paper lumpy.  If all you have is Elmer’s, just make sure to apply very thinly.  You can use tape instead if you like, but you’ve got to decide if you mind seeing the exposed tape, or if you affix the tape to the back of the paper, if you mind the edges of the paper curling up.
  3. Poster board, cardstock, or printer paper.

NOTE: If you prefer, eliminate the glue/tape, and create your vision board pinning the papers to a cork bulletin board.  You can also do this entire project on a computer, if you like.  I personally like the paper, scissor, and glue method.

Vision Board Process:  

  1. Flip through the pages of the magazines and cut out any word, phrase, or image that you are drawn to, that makes you happy, or is something you would like to strive for in the future—dream and goal related. You may want to go through your personal photos to include.  Don’t think too hard in this step, just cut away.  You may cut out 50 things and only use 20, and that’s ok.
  2. Now that you’ve got your pile of words and images that you’ve cut out or set aside, start sorting through and choose those that are most important to you. Remember you are creating this board as a visual for the life you want.
  3. Now arrange the pieces you have chosen on your paper and affix them. Arranging what goes where, is a big part of this creative process.  You may want to place a big image of your “happy place” smack dab in the middle and have all the other pieces surrounding that.

That’s it!  See how fun and simple this project will be?

All that’s left is to choose a place to display your vision board.  You’ll want to hang it where you will see it often.  In the past, I’ve hung my vision boards in a clearly visible place in my closet, so that I would see it every day.  I may put the board I’m working on today in a picture frame and hang it in my writing nook.

While the process of creating the board is fun, the purpose behind it all, is to have a visual reminder of things you want in your life.  When your goals and desires are right in front of you, you will be reminded and motivated to get out there and make your dreams come true!

Have fun creating your board!  If you are willing to share, I’d love to see how yours turns out.

As always, I appreciate you hanging out with me today!

Jill xx

P.S. If you haven’t already subscribed, don’t delay…it’s free.  My goal is that you leave my blog inspired, motivated, and clear on one thing you can do or think about that will make your life more fulfilled.

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How to Deal With the Grief You Are Experiencing Today

Are you experiencing grief today?

Whether it’s from the death of a loved one, or even the loss (of what once was normal and good) of someone still living, grief is something everyone will experience in their lives at some point.

Today, I’ve decided to do a VLOG (video blog) because I want to look you in the eyes and offer some suggestions on things you can do today to help you during this painful time in your life.

Mentioned in the video:

The 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

If you found this video helpful or know someone who could benefit from seeing it, please share.

Thanks for spending time here with me today!

Jill xx

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Removing Limiting Beliefs From Your Life

There’s a story in the Bible about a man named Moses who, one day, God personally asked to go talk to the leader of Egypt (who, by the way, was not the most friendly fella) and ask him to release His (God’s) people.  These people (some say as many as 2 million) from Israel had been in captivity for 400 years and had become slaves in this country, so chances are this leader was probably not just gonna let them go on their merry way without a fight.

As you can imagine, Moses gave every excuse in the book as to why he shouldn’t/couldn’t do this for God.  I’m sure he was nervous to approach the leader of this country, but Hello!! — the one and only Almighty God was asking him to do this– this wasn’t just some friend asking for a favor!

Fear and insecurity got the best of Moses, so, to help out with that, God showed him some amazing miracles he could perform that would prove God had sent him, in case the leader didn’t believe him.  After all this, Moses, all set for success, pulled out yet another reason why he shouldn’t be the one to perform this task.  Here’s what he said, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”  This is where I imagine Moses is getting on God’s very last nerve, but God, in all His grace, decided to let Moses’ brother Aaron go along with him to be his mouthpiece.

The story goes on and it’s a doozy (Moses and Aaron do complete their task, by the way), but what I’d like to point out about this story is what Moses was experiencing that day—a case of limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs. 

We all experience them.  Sometimes things we’d like to do just don’t seem possible.  We may have an idea that goes against all logic, so we put it behind us before giving it a fair shot.  We ultimately convince ourselves that we don’t have the capacity to achieve certain things, even though we very well may be able to.

The reason I use Moses as an example here is because if a guy, that the God of the Universe was audibly asking to do something, and telling him He would help him with the task, still couldn’t believe in himself, then we are all certainly bound to experience a limiting belief or two from time to time.

Limiting beliefs dictate how we think, how we feel, and how we behave.  The power they have over our lives can be immensely defeating.

First, let’s take a look at some typical statements that cue limiting beliefs and then we’ll discuss several ways to overcome these beliefs so that each of us is striving to live our fullest potential.

LIMITING BELIEF STATEMENT CUES:

I could never…
I’m not good enough to…
I’m not smart enough to…
I don’t have enough time to…
I shouldn’t…
I’m not skilled enough to…
I wouldn’t know how to start, so…
I don’t have enough money to…
I don’t have a college degree, so…
I don’t deserve to…
I don’t know how to __________, so I can’t…
I’m too old to…
I’m worthless.

Read through those again.  Does one in particular look familiar?  Have you used any of these statements in the past?  Are you using them now?

Let’s take a look at six ways to overcome the limiting beliefs that may be hindering you from reaching your fullest potential.

OVERCOMING LIMITING BELIEFS

Learn from past failures.  Don’t allow past failures to dictate your present or your future.  These failures and mistakes should be used as prime opportunities to learn and grow.  Haven’t you noticed how the biggest lessons you’ve learned in life have come from being on the other side of a bad decision?  The key is to be able to pinpoint what went wrong and how it could be done differently in the future.  Learn, grow, and give yourself a little grace, friends.

Replace negative voices in your head with positive affirmations.  You know these darn voices have a way of creeping in and making you feel “less than,” or even worse, “less-than less than.”  Because these are involuntary voices, we not only want to be reactive (say something affirming to yourself the second the voice pops up), but we should be proactive as well, by stating positive affirmations every day, regardless of how you’re feeling that day.

Another approach could be to ask a question directed at the negative voice.  For example, let’s say my inner-voice said, “You are terrible at writing!  Who would want to read what you have to say??”  I could come back with the following question for myself: “Have I ever helped anyone with the content on my blog?”  My answer would be “yes,” so that helps to shoot down or point out the lie the negative voice is projecting.
NOTE:  I wrote an article titled, “How to Stop Your Negative Self Talk From Bullying You.” In it, I discuss the impact of negative self-talk and four specific ways to overcome your own voice when it bullys you — click here to read.

Let go of the naysayers in your life.  You probably have someone that comes to mind immediately, as you read this.  There are people who have a tendency to either suck the life out of you or see everything through a negative lens.  I firmly believe you should cut out or at least substantially minimize your interactions with these type of people.  If you don’t, they’ll weigh you down and limit your potential for positive growth.       

Invite emotionally healthy people in your life.  As some relationships fall away, others will blossom and grow.  Jim Rohn always said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  Makes sense doesn’t it?  Who do you spend time with?  Who are the top “influencers” in your life?  When we surround ourselves with people we respect and admire, they’re bound to rub off on us, right?  Yes, they will, and hopefully you’ll rub off on them too. : )  Iron sharpens iron, friends!

Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.  It’s when we step out of our comfort zone that we are able to experience real growth.  It doesn’t have to be a HUGE step either—small steps allow us to ease into new things without fear taking hold and throwing us back.

Obviously, you don’t want to live in a constant state of being outside your comfort zone—there is much good that takes place in the comfy zone too!  Find a good balance and think about the steps you take as adventures and growth opportunities.

Practice gratitude verbally or in written form every single day.  Expressing gratitude is associated with greater happiness, and when you make it a daily habit, the benefits are 100-fold!  Whether you write three things down each day in a journal or you say them out loud, your perspective on life will change.  You’ll become aware of the little things in life that we oftentimes take for granted, and by becoming aware of these things, you will experience more joy in your life.

I urge you to take steps today to begin the work of overcoming the limiting beliefs in your life.  Don’t let the “I don’t have time” belief take you away from this!  You deserve better.

As always, I appreciate you hanging out with me today.

Jill xx

P.S.  If you’ve found this post helpful, would you please share with those you care about?

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