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Not Listening When You Should Be?

It was only a few weeks ago that I wrote an article titled, “The Art of Listening Well“.  I wrote it because, as I stated in that article, “The lack of listening skills has declined in our fast paced digital world, and I expect will only get worse.”  Friends, I was/am sincerely concerned for us, a world in which we get too busy with “stuff” to focus on the living, breathing, important things right in front of us.

Weeeellllllll, today I stand before you guilty of being one of those awful non-listeners.  The worst part of my non-listening crime was that the recipient the last couple of weeks has been one of the most important people in my life–my husband.  To top it off, he is a man of few words!!  If he’s speaking, I need to be listening!

What has been “more” important these last weeks?  Nothing.

My excuse: I’ve stretched myself too thin, have a lot on my mind.   The truth is, I have allowed my busyness to infringe on the communication with my husband.  My busyness and stretching is not his problem.

I share a real-time example here from my experience with my husband.  Are there people in your life that have received your less-than-attentive ear lately?  Your children, a good friend, your spouse, your parent, your sibling?

These people just listed are not the “chit-chat at a party” type of people.  These are YOUR people.  They deserve nothing but the best from us.  Don’t you think?

Sometimes it’s not enough to realize what you’re doing (like I have) and hope it doesn’t repeat.  In this blog, we need bullet points!!

Here are a few thoughts that I’m personally going to be using:

  • Acknowledge you’re being a lazy or non-listener.  You know, “they” say the first step is admitting the problem.
  • Set rules or triggers that surround future communication with “your people”.  For example, when one of these people enters the room, lay down your phone, close your book, and make good, solid eye contact.  I remember a man who said that he and his wife would take their children’s faces in their hands when they were communicating to ensure that both parties were listening intently.  I am so going to cradle my man’s face in my hands when we’re talking from now on! ; )
  • Ask the other person to call you out on it.  Crucial note: don’t allow your feelings to be hurt and don’t argue or try and defend yourself.  Thank them for helping to make you aware and move on.
  • Enjoy the intimacy you experience as a result of your newly honed listening habit.  Ah, the fruits of your labor!

Wait!  I think I hear my hubs coming.  Gotta run.  Getting into full listening stance with hands ready to cradle his face!  ; )

Here’s to taking steps to protect our most valuable relationships.

Jill xx

Please share this post…it may be the answer to many relationship woes.

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Laughter is the best medicine

When’s the last time you had a really good laugh? The kind where you either cry, nearly hyperventilate, or pee your pants.

This type of laughter has got to be one of THE best feelings and we adults need more of it!

Did you know that the average four-year-old laughs 300-500 times per day, while the average 40-year-old laughs ONLY 7-15 times per day? There’s something wrong with this picture. Yes, we as adults have more on our “plates”, but let’s not take ourselves too seriously. I think we must all agree to engage in more laughter!

Why is laughter so important?

Besides the obvious – that it makes you feel good and brings you happiness – there are lots of other benefits, too. Here are several:

Laughter is good for those around you. When others see you laugh, it makes them feel good, smile, and maybe even join in on the laughter. Perhaps a strategy to work towards world peace?

Laughter is a universal sign of happiness. There are many unusual cultural gestures and behaviors that may cause you to be arrested in some countries, but I’d venture to guess that laughter will not get you thrown in prison. It will most likely draw you closer to someone. Laughter is a bond like no other.

Laughter reduces stress. Have you ever laughed really hard over a stressful event, because you just can’t believe it even happened? Recently, something really ridiculous, not right, and a real bummer happened to my husband and as he was breaking the news to me, we both began laughing uncontrollably. I’m telling you, it really lightened the mood and helped make a pretty stressful situation more bearable.

Laughter is a natural mood enhancer. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the chemicals in your brain that make you feel good. This is the same thing that happens when runners achieve a “runner’s high”.

Laughter can ease your pain. These same endorphins can also inhibit pain signals in your body. I remember experiencing a great deal of pain after having my appendix removed when I was a little kid, and my brother stuck corn in his nose to try and make me laugh. I think our laughing may have actually decreased my pain–at least temporarily.

Laughter is good for your heart. Laughter gets your blood pumping, which increases oxygen flow to your body’s tissues. This keeps your organs happy and your cardiovascular system in good shape.

Laughter is good for the grieving heart. A friend’s beloved father passed away recently, and while she was making plans to spend a day with her mom and sister, they realized that since they were going to pick up his ashes from the funeral home early on in the day, they’d just have to bring him along to lunch at Cracker Barrel. The thought of this gave them all a much needed laugh.  Laughing when you’re sad is very therapeutic.

In an effort for us to catch up to the young’uns and their 300-500 laughs per day, let’s share some laughter today. I’ve posted some of my favorite funny videos and, in turn, I’d love it if you’d share your favorite funny video link or even a funny story in the comments.

Commence the laughter…

You’ve heard of twin talk, right? These two take the cake!

Preciousness x 4…

The singing trio…

I’ve soooo been this lemur while in class, meetings, and church!

This cute older couple is trying to figure out how to take a picture on their computer…

A cute version of “Take This Job and Shove It.”  This baby is laughing at his daddy ripping up a rejection letter he’d just received. Good attitude little one!

Our dog has a similar look when she’s guilty. Denver is too precious!

I hope these videos have upped your laughter quota for the day.  What’s your favorite laugh-out-loud video?  Share in the comments below.

Now go spend the day with someone who makes you laugh!

Jill xx

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The Power of 5 Minute Tasks

We all have 5 minutes to spare, here and there, throughout the day.  Over the last several months, I’ve uncovered the magic of what all can really happen in 5 minutes.

It lies in the power of choosing a task and working on it for 5 minutes straight without interruption.  This may be a task at home, work, or when you’re out and about.  You might be thinking, “What can I get done in 5 minutes?  I’ve got a pile of stuff to tackle and I’m lucky if I can get up and out the door each morning.”  I know!  I always thought that, too, but the reality is, you can get a lot done in 5 minutes.

I have included 9 simple ideas below to spend your 5 minutes.

But before you dive in, trust this:  One of three things will happen when you accept the 5-minute challenge:

  1. You will complete an entire task that you may have otherwise decided to put off until “you have more time”.  If you like to check things off your to-do list, 5-minute tasks are the best!
  2. You will whittle away at a larger task.  As you continue to spend your 5 minute sessions on this larger task, before you know it, the entire task will be complete.  Whittling away at a task can make a daunting task seem less overwhelming.
  3. You will start with 5 minutes, but when you see the progress you’ve just made, your motivation and momentum kick in and (if and when you have time) you’ll find yourself still working on the task, happily, an hour later.

5-Minute Challenge Task Ideas:

1. De-clutter/Organize.  A cluttered or unorganized house, car, or office not only clutters your physical space, but also clutters your mind.  By spending 5 minutes de-cluttering an area, you will be happy, not only with the aesthetic value, but for the internal peace it will bring you as well.
I’m still a work in progress in this area, but here are a few handy tips that help me de-clutter and organize in 5 minutes:

1.  Pick one small area to focus on.  You’ve got 5 minutes, so pick an area within an area, if you can.  For example, while you may decide to target your closet as an overall project, decide on one section within your closet to tackle in the 5 minute period: Fold, organize, and create a giveaway pile for all sweaters.  The same could go for any single item or area of your closet: shoes, scarfs, seasonal clothes, etc.     
2. Set your timer.
3. Get to work.
4. Mark down your progress in a journal or tracking sheet.  This is not a necessity, but it’s a great way to keep yourself accountable, systematically work through the various areas in need, and is an excellent visual way to celebrate your successes.
2. Clean.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand leaving the house with dirty dishes in the sink.  Not long ago, I went to bed without doing the dinner dishes (a big lasagna dinner), woke up late the next morning, and with 5 minutes to spare before running out the door, looked at those dishes and had a deep dread of coming home to that mess.  Instead, I threw on an apron and got to work on those dishes.  I kid you not, that mountain of caked on lasagna mess was cleaned in 5 minutes.  What I thought for sure I’d need a good 30 minutes to clean, was done in 5 minutes.  DISCLAIMER:  I do have a dishwasher, but I thoroughly scrub my dishes before putting them in.
Cleaning your bathroom for 5 minutes also works wonders.  I remember a friend’s mom told me when I was in high school that if you spend a few minutes cleaning your bathroom a couple times a week, you never really have to do a DEEP cleaning, because it never gets dirty enough.  I keep disinfectant wipes in my bathroom and follow this wise woman’s advice once or twice a week and it keeps things fresh and the need for a deep clean to a minimum.
Same goes for most any area of your house.  Got get ’em!
 
3. Take a mental time out.  Not the same as meditation, but a deliberate 5 minutes of just slowing down to breath deeply, take a look at the beauty around you, or just sit and enjoy the silence around you. 
 
4. Quick email/text/note/call to a handful of people to catch up.  ‘Tis better to hear something than nothing at all, right?  Trust me, friends, I’ve been the worst at this at times.  I’ve decided not to reach out to someone because I didn’t have 30 minutes to devote to a “proper” conversation.  Well, that 30 minutes of free time doesn’t present itself very often, so chances are you just won’t communicate to that person at all.  Is letting a year pass by better than a quick “Hi!  Thinking about you today.  Hope you have an awesome day!” text, email, or voicemail?  I think not.  Personally, I’d rather hear that from a friend.  I’m busy, too, so being on the receiving end of that text would be a relief for me.  How about you?
Read an article I wrote here about a note I sent that was 274 days late.
 
5. Pray and meditate.  You’d be surprised how many people, concerns, and thanksgivings you can cover in a 5 minute prayer session.  Seriously–you’ll walk away feeling so much hope and goodwill in your heart.  And if you’ve ever sat still quietly in meditation for 2 minutes – let alone, 5 minutes – you know how beneficial it can be.
 
6. Brainstorm an idea.  Have you had an idea you’ve been thinking about, but always push it to the backseat because you “just don’t have the time”?  Well, you won’t believe what a 5 minute brainstorming session using a pencil and paper can produce.  Try this  mind-mapping technique I wrote about here.  I use this technique on almost all my blog posts and I’m always amazed at what comes out on paper when I do this.
 
7. Book an appointment.  There’s bound to be something on your to-do list that you keep pushing down the priority list, but you really need to get done.  Let’s face it, scrolling through Facebook for 5 minutes is a whole lot more fun than calling to listen to an automated voice direct us through unending options, to finally get stuck with someone on the other side of the line who appears to not be having the best day and her voice is implying you are part of the reason!  However, the dental appointment, vet appointment, appointment to get your boiler serviced, or that dreaded colonoscopy appointment needs to be made.  NOTE: My current dentist and vet both have friendly people on the other end of the line. : )
 
8. Move your body.  People (talking to myself here, too !!!), we have been given this one body to last us for possibly century.  How can we expect to avoid health problems if we don’t show a little love and respect to our bodies??  We must do more.  And 5 minutes can go a long way.  Stretch, take a quick walk, do an exercise that can be done at your desk, at home, or in the grocery line.
I have these neck/shoulder exercises that I really should do several days per week in order to prevent further injury and guess what?  I cannot tell you how many days – even weeks – I have put off doing these exercises.  It’s crazy!  Especially when they don’t take that long and they’re not hard.
After re-injuring my neck/shoulder a few months ago, I printed out the exercises my physical therapist gave me and taped them to the inside of the cabinet that houses my coffee cups.  So now, when I’m brewing my coffee (which takes 5.5 minutes), I do my exercises (which only take 4.5 minutes).

9. Journal.  You don’t have to write a novel each time you journal.  It’s actually a bit freeing to set a timer for 5 minutes and just write.  A 5 minute “stream of consciousness” can be a really fun exercise.  Just pick one person, place, or thing to write about and let it flow!

So, now you’ve got 9 ideas to inspire and motivate you to get started on your 5-minute challenge.

Will you commit to trying this over the next week?  You can choose to do one 5-minute task each day or maybe a few 5-minute tasks per day.

TIP:  I’ve found that when I tie my task to something like the time it takes to brew my coffee or for my dogs to eat their breakfast and go out to the bathroom, or for the clothes in the dryer to fluff, it helps me remember to do the task and also makes me want to try to “beat the clock” which is fun.

I’d love to hear from you.  Let me know how you’re crushing your 5-minute tasks.

Here’s to getting stuff done!

Enjoy your day.

Jill xx
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How Anticipating a Fun Future Event Will Bring You Happiness

What if I told you that there’s a way to bring happiness and excitement to your day, no matter how busy, stressed, or distracted you might feel?  Aaaand, it won’t cost you a thing.

Cue the dreamy music with you sitting with your head tilted, chin propped as you gaze wistfully to the heavens.

Now, answer these two questions:

First, is there something coming up in the next few weeks or months that you’re really looking forward to?

I’m guessing, with the summer months on the horizon, you might have some sort of trip planned, or better yet, for some, a stay-cation.  Maybe you have an old friend coming for a visit, a family reunion, or you’ve signed up for a fun class at your local community college.  Maybe it’s anything related to your favorite holiday that gets you excited.

Second question:  How often do you think about this future event?

If the last time you thought about it was a month ago when you booked your airfare, made your reservation, or made plans with a friend for a visit — or in the case of a holiday — you only begin thinking about it just a couple of weeks out, I’d like to suggest you think about, and eagerly anticipate, your fun future plans more.

Why?  Because I want you to experience Rosy Prospection, like I do.

Rosy prospection is when a person’s anticipation of a planned event is greater than the actual experience.  It’s when you get excited just thinking about the future event you’ll be embarking on.  Friends, anticipation is half the fun!

I got to thinking about this when a friend stopped by the other day and laughed when she saw that the only thing I had on my 12 month wall calendar was my vacation and a few other work obligations that I didn’t want to forget.  Might I add that the vacation notation was in fancy lettering with green ink and palm trees sketched in!

Making a fun reminder on a visible calendar was just a small part of rosy prospecting for this eagerly anticipated future trip.   Other things I did in anticipation, other than the typical planning and organizing for the trip, was checking the weather of the place I’d be visiting, looking at pictures on Instagram that other people posted, researching restaurants, hikes and other fun stuff to do in the area, and most fun of all, talking about the upcoming trip with my husband.  Doing these things basically stretched out my vacation experience from the actual one week of vacation to several months of fun anticipation.

Maybe you don’t have anything big, like a trip, coming up.  That’s OK!  It’s fun to utilize rosy prospection for daily and weekly events too.

My husband thinks this is crazy, but I eagerly anticipate what’s for dinner while I’m eating breakfast!  Don’t let this make you think I’m an expert meal planner either.  I just love food, so I enjoy thinking about my forthcoming meals.

During certain times of the year, a friend and I go walking at the beautiful Biltmore Estate.  This is a weekly event that I eagerly anticipate in the days leading up to it.

Friends, sometimes we can get bogged down in the everyday routine of life, and I guarantee that if you add a little rosy prospection to your days, you will receive a nice boost of happiness and excitement.

Here’s to all of us enjoying the anticipation of fun future events!

Jill xx

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How To Stop Stressing Over Things Beyond Your Control

How much time would you say you spend worrying or stressing over things you have no control over?

You know, worrying about these types of things:

  • How people will perceive you.
  • How people will react to you.
  • The type of upbringing you had, and all the complications that came from it.
  • The illness that may cripple you or your loved ones.
  • A financial disaster that drains your savings account or puts you in major debt.
  • Betrayal of a friend.
  • If your husband decides to cheat on you.
  • Whether your kids will apply themselves in school.
  • The state of the housing and stock markets.
  • The decisions someone else makes.
  • When your loved ones will die.
  • How long you will have a certain job.
  • The weather.
  • Who your children pick as friends.
  • The exact route your life will take.

Yes, it would be nice if we had more control over these things, but the reality is, we don’t.

One thing we do have control over in these situations, is how we react.

I’ve found that there are some simple things each of us can do to help ourselves to be better reactors through the various situations we experience.  It’s the old M.B.S. technique!  Have you heard of it?

M.B.S. = Mind. Body. Soul.

If you focus your attention on developing and maintaining these three areas in your life, I dare say, you are guaranteed to better handle (react to) the things that come your way that you have little to no control over.

Mind. You’ve heard the saying, “Trash in, trash out.”  You have control over what goes in your mind, and in turn, what comes out.  What are you filling your mind with?  Good books?  Inspiring music?  The voices of positive people?  Truth?
Maybe you lean a little more to the side of: Crap TV.  Negative people’s voices. Your own negative voice. Getting stuck in the comparison trap.  Listening to lies.  When posing questions like these, it’s good to think about them from an objective (or outsider’s) perspective if you can.  Sometimes we can be more honest with ourselves this way.  Put yourself in someone else’s shoes and see where you can make some adjustments.

A strong, focused, happy mind will aid you in making good decisions through good and bad times.

Click here to read my article on how to create healthy boundaries with toxic people.

Body.  I am positive I handle stress better when I exercise.  This has been tested, so why is it that I haven’t been regular about getting my walks in?!?  Ugh.  That’s another blog altogether!  Studies show that exercise reduces stress, anxiety, depression, and fatigue.  It fights disease, helps manage pain, and improves your sleep.  It also helps you focus and improves overall mental function.  Just getting up and walking twice a day for 15 minutes will bring about huge benefits.

Just as important as moving your body is what you put in your body.  Remember the saying, “You are what you eat”?  Whenever I hear this, I picture two people walking down the street together, one is basically a greasy cheeseburger with legs and french fry hair, and the other is a carrot with legs, sporting a pair of running shoes.  Since I love greasy cheeseburgers, I take the moderation route with food.  I enjoy my greasy cheeseburger from time to time, but also make sure to pack carrots in my lunch and drink lots of water.  Just remember, if you’re only eating fatty, processed foods, you aren’t loving your body the way you should, and there’s a good chance you’ll experience health setbacks.

Soul.  Do you know the old hymn, It Is Well With My Soul?  Horatio Spafford wrote this popular hymn after several years of great loss:  his two year old son died, he experienced huge personal and business financial losses, and he then lost four daughters in a ship wreck.  He wrote the hymn while traveling by sea near where his daughters had perished.  It nearly seems impossible, doesn’t it?  To come to a place where, after tragedy piled upon tragedy, you can say, “It is well with my soul.”  Horatio drew his strength from his relationship with God.  Is it well with your soul?  Where do you draw your strength from?  We can learn from Horatio that spending time in “soul work” is critical for times when we are smacked with a situation we  have little to no control over.

Friends, if you focus on these three areas — mind, body, and soul — you’ll feel good and be better equipped to handle the difficult situations that come your way.

Here’s to developing and maintaining the good health of your mind, body, and soul.

With love,

Jill xx

 

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