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The Value in Learning From The Young

When’s the last time you sat down and tried to learn something new from a young person?  A time in which you actually asked them to show you how to do something?  Whether it be how to draw a dinosaur from a 7-year-old, how to perform a dance move from a 10-year-old, or how to solve a math problem from a 15-year-old — youngsters are literally a treasure trove of knowledge and it’s our loss if we leave this resource untapped.

I think we adults have a tendency to slip into know-it-all mode–wanting to impart our vast and excellent knowledge on the young. Unfortunately, along the way, we miss out on some pretty great learning and relational opportunities.

This reminder to embrace what the young have to offer most recently came to me as my son, a 19-year-old college student living across the country, told me that my gift for mother’s day could either be 1.)  A custom-designed tee-shirt (he makes some really cool stuff!), or 2.) Five 1-hour guitar lessons (redeemable during his time home in the summer).

A little history… I’ve never played an instrument, and have shared with my son and husband over the years that I was probably one of those people that just doesn’t have the “music gene”.  I also was thinking that since my son had never been formally coached on guitar, that he might not be a great person for a beginner to learn from.

Well, in a moment of what I now see as brilliance, I chose his offer of guitar lessons.

Turns out he’s a really good teacher and I’m learning this beautiful Ben Harper song.  So, whether this is the only song I ever learn, or I continue on after he goes back to school, I wouldn’t trade in the experience to learn from this youngster.

So, how about you?  Will you join me this summer in asking a kid to teach you something?  Maybe you have kids at home, grand-kids, nieces/nephews, neighborhood kids, or kids at church.  It’s prime time to be intentional in engaging with these youngsters and learn something new.

Enjoy the fresh perspective!!

Jill xx

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Where is The Love?

Have you ever tried to say or do something and it feels like you have a golf ball stuck in your throat?  This is how I’ve felt as I’ve attempted to work through my feelings in order to write this post this week.

I’ve been thinking about love.  Brotherly love.

I’ve been thinking about heartache, pain and suffering.  The kind that people all over the world are experiencing.

I’ve been thinking about how great it is that the internet offers a place for people to share thoughts and ideas—support, understanding, oneness…love.

And then I think about how awful it is that the internet offers a place for people to share thoughts and ideas—ugliness, self-righteousness, hostility…hate.

Part of the golf ball stuck in my throat feeling is that as an optimist, I’m seeing things that are darkening the lens that I see and live my life through.

It came to me this morning that this darkness that has cast a shadow over our world provides us an opportunity to see the contrast.  To see where the cracks are.  To see where the voids are.  To see the places where we can step in and make a difference.  Through love.

The good news is that we’re all capable of being a loving force in this world.  No doctorate degree needed.

A simple act of love can change things.  Love can heal…can change hearts…can bind us together.  Love is a force that is more powerful than hate.

Not sure how to begin or where to start?  Recently I wrote about just doing the next thing when you’re stuck or overwhelmed–that same concept works here.  Don’t overthink it–just go and love on someone.  Be nice to the person who is painfully slow in front of you at the grocery store.  Be kind to your significant other (yes, some of us just need to start at home).  Go and hang out with someone that’s different than you and love them by listening with an ear for understanding (Note: listening with an ear for understanding doesn’t mean you will agree, it just means you hear them).  Tell someone that you appreciate them and why.  Find out where you can spread love in your community through volunteerism.  Perform a random act of kindness in the name of love.

There are many small ways to begin, and these small ways, practiced on a consistent basis, will change the world, one act at a time.

We just need to act.

Starting today.

With love,

Jill xx

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Are You Making Decisions Based on Fear or Joy?

As summer rolls around, there will be lots of opportunities to do stuff.  It’s a nice feeling when we have time, choices, and a variety of opportunities in front of us, but just make sure you’re not making decisions based on the fear of missing out.

Fear of missing out, or FOMO, is when a person experiences anxiety at the thought of missing out on an exciting or interesting event.  Chances are, when people make decisions based on their fear of missing out, they aren’t thinking about how missing out might actually bring them joy.  Yes, there’s a term for that too!  JOMO = Joy of Missing Out.

Imagine on Friday night a bunch of your friends decide to get together at the new (and highly anticipated) restaurant in town.  You’ve heard the food is divine, and to top it off, this particular evening they have an award-winning cellist playing.  It all sounds great, but the reality is, you’ve worked hard all week and you’re dead-tired.  You have two choices.  Which wins?  FOMO or JOMO?  P.S. JOMO includes kicking up your feet in your favorite chair or couch, pajamas, and a good book or movie.  Unless you’re under the age of 35, I’m thinking most of us would seize the opportunity to embrace the joy of missing out.

Either way, a life in which we make decisions based on joy, as opposed to reacting to fear, is always a good choice.

So, as opportunities present themselves in the coming days, weeks, months, and years, try and run your decisions through your FOMO/JOMO filter.

The switch from FOMO to JOMO will be difficult for some, while others will find the transition easy and life-affirming.

One way to do this is learning to understand the underlying factors for your FOMO.  On the flip-side, it’s also important to understand what it is that brings you the most joy.

Following are a couple suggestions:

  1.  Make a list of likes/priorities and dislikes/unimportant  

You know I’m big on getting things out on paper.  Some of my best thinking comes from brain-dumping and mind-mapping.  There’s such power in emptying your mind of all thoughts on a certain topic and then seeing them there in front of you in black and white.

So, get your paper out and divide it into two columns.

On the left side, write out what activities (including doing nothing) you value and get the most out of.  On this same column write out who (by name) is most important to you.  For example, if one of the activities you include as a priority is building relationships, then make sure to be clear on who or what type of person you would like to invest your time in.  If you don’t narrow it down, you may find yourself saying yes to things and people that meet your goal of building relationships, but in reality you’re investing your time and energy into the wrong people.

On the right side of your paper, write out things you don’t consider a valuable investment of your time.  Include the things you have a tendency to get sucked into, but that aren’t necessarily important to you.  Think about the things that you say yes to because of your fear of missing out.  You’re going to have to be real honest with yourself here.

  1. Reflect on the causes for both your fears and joys.    

FEAR

Now that you’ve got this all down on paper, it’s time to understand what’s causing you fear of missing out on something.  Here are some possible reasons:

Fear of not being in the “know”.
Fear of not being invited again.
Fear of others experiencing things that you won’t.
Fear of being left out.
Fear of living a life that isn’t what people would expect from you.
Fear of disappointing others.  (Hand raised over here!  I’m a recovering people-pleaser and can attest to the hard work this takes to overcome.)

Whatever the reason for your fear of missing out, the key is to identify it and begin working toward eradicating it.  Sometimes all you’ll need is to identify the problem and make a decision to stop thinking or acting a certain way.  Other times, you’ll have to do some soul-searching and maybe even partake in counseling to overcome your fears.

JOY

Now, for the fun part!  Spend some time reflecting on what brings you joy.

Is it from spending time with people you love?  Your faith?  Wild experiences?  Helping others?  Spending time alone?  A hobby?  Your work?

You’ll find that when you frame your choices around doing that which brings you joy, any FOMO will be replaced with JOMO.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else.”

The key to JOMO is being selective with who, what, where, and when you spend your time and attention.  Yes, you miss out on things, but you won’t mind because you’re CHOOSING JOY!

Have you experienced FOMO?  Do you think framing your decisions with the idea of JOMO will help you?  Please leave  a comment below, I’d love to hear from you.

Jill xx

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