3 Steps to Cultivate and Grow Your Relationships

“Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden.   Time, effort and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.” – Jim Rohn

I love this quote!  The words Mr. Rohn uses have such vivid imagery: cultivated…imagination…summoned…flourishing…growing.  He points out that human relationships, just like a garden, require time, effort, and imagination to flourish and grow, but did you notice these two words (their significance slipped past me when I first read the quote):  summoned and constantly?  That means the actions we take in our relationships are not a one-time thing–we must be intentional and diligent when it comes to the tending of our relationships–the time, effort and imagination must be summoned constantly.

If you’ve ever had a garden, you know the amount of work it takes to plan, plant, maintain, and harvest it.

Friends, if we don’t pay close attention to our relational “gardens,” the weeds will take hold and choke out the potential for beauty and bounty.

Do you have weeds threatening to take over your “garden”?  Have the weeds infiltrated the relationships with your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends?

The good news is that, today, each of us has an opportunity and the ability to get in our “gardens,” get the weeds out, and let the flourishing begin!

Let’s take Mr. Rohn’s lead and break it down in three parts: Time, Imagination, and Effort.

Time:  Relationships require time to develop, grow, and thrive.  Regardless of who we are, or what we do, we all have exactly 168 hours in each week.  Every single one of us is able to carve out time to devote to our relationships.

If you’re reading this and tensing up right now because you can’t imagine where you’ll find any extra time to do anything else, then I suggest you make a list of all that you do and see what really needs your attention and what you can get rid of or move around in order to make room for something as important as a relationship with someone you love.

In years past, I was the “volunteer queen,” doing a little bit of everything for everyone that asked.  Guess what suffered?  My relationship with my husband.  Because he’s not much of a squeaky wheel, I had to mostly figure this out on my own, but am I ever thankful I did!  My stumbling block was that because I was “doing good” and helping people, I thought that those things needed to take top priority in my schedule.  This isn’t true.  I learned the importance of protecting and cultivating our most important relationships, and by doing so, everything else will fall into place, including “doing good.”  I still find time to volunteer, but I’m careful to be realistic with the time I have available, and I use the word “no” more often so I don’t overcommit.

Imagination:  This is the fun part!  Use your imagination and think outside the box for ways to cultivate and enrich your relationships.

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, writes of the importance of discovering the “love language” of those you are in relationship with (spouse, kids, friends, parents) in order to express your love most effectively.  Believe me, figuring this out will be a huge benefit for your relationships.  Click here to read an article I wrote on this topic – in it I share how I discovered my husband’s love language – it goes along with our gardening theme today!

Once you understand the love language of those you are in relationship with it will help direct your thinking so that you can let your imagination go wild and come up with some fun ideas to express your love!  This is important, because one person might feel loved when you spend time working on a home project with them, another may prefer to be showered in gifts, and another may just want to hold your hand while you stroll through a park.

Effort:  Yes, even the best relationships take effort to develop and maintain.  Depending on the type of relationship and what’s going on in that relationship at the time, this might mean you’ve got some hard work ahead of you.  If that’s the case, just take it one day at a time, keep your head up and before you know it, you’ll be able to look back and see all the progress you’ve made.

On the other hand, there are times when the fruits of your imagination require effort that is fun and exciting.  Enjoy the process!

That’s it!  Time, imagination and effort = flourishing relationships.

Now, let’s put what we’ve talked about to use.  Before you move on to the next part of your day:  1. Pick one person you’d like to cultivate the relationship of, 2. Figure out their love language, 3. Schedule something that will benefit your relationship, 3. Repeat over time, 4. Enjoy the fruits of your “labor!”

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me here today!  If you found value in this post, please make sure to share it with others.

Here’s to your relationships growing and flourishing!

Jill xx