6 Steps for Transitioning to Your New Normal

There are these huge waves on the Oregon Coast called sneaker waves.  They appear without warning, oftentimes catching an innocent bystander by surprise and whisking them out to sea.  There are warning signs posted on the beach, but like with many things in life, most people don’t think anything bad will happen to them.

I don’t know what it is lately, but I’m hearing from more and more friends, family members, and co-workers being hit by one of life’s “sneaker waves.”

Divorce, loss of a loved one, cancer diagnosis, break-up of a precious friendship, loss of a job, mental illness, problems with aging parents, personal injury.  Even things that aren’t supposed to be traumatic, like becoming an empty nester, or moving to a new city, can throw us for a loop.

The bottom line is that what was once normal, is now uncharted territory.  Transition to a new normal is necessary.

If you’re reading this, and are going through a tough time in your life, I encourage you to consider the steps below to help navigate through this difficult season.

Six Steps to Transitioning to Your New Normal   

Grieve the loss of the what was.  Grieving is a necessary process when you’ve experienced loss.  It’s important to allow yourself to grieve the old normal, but be careful not to spend too long in the denial stage.  Depending on what you’re going through, denial can actually be a helpful tool your mind uses to help pace your emotions.  The key is not to get stuck there.

Manage your expectations.  Yes, life will be different now.  It can be helpful to outline in your mind or even on paper how the new normal might be.  Sometimes just getting a visual picture or a plan for what’s to come will help manage the ups and downs that are typical in these transitionary periods.  With this being said, read on…

Be flexible.  Remember that no matter how perfectly you plan and try to manage your expectations, there are bound to be setbacks.  This is normal.  It is, however, extremely important to be flexible during a difficult transition period so that you don’t add to the stress you are already undergoing.  Roll with the punches—as best you can–learn from your experiences, and get back on course.      

Replace the “hole” with something healthy.   After my mom died, I inherited a bunch of her cookbooks.  Not much of a cook before, I found myself diving into culinary experimentation.  Not only did I learn new skills, but I felt a connection with my mom while cooking—a void was filled.  When my son left for college and I became an official empty nester, I started this blog.  I knew I would have extra time and I didn’t want to fill it with watching tv or something else that wouldn’t benefit me.  Be careful not to let drugs, alcohol, or any other destructive activity fill your void…sometimes these things may feel good in the moment, but they are bound to cause trouble down the road.

Understand you’re not alone.  It can feel like you’re the only person in the world who has been handed such a crappy hand, who has been so heartbroken, or who has experienced so much pain.  No two people will have the same exact experience, but you can bet there are lots of people out there who’ve experienced something similar.  There will come a time when it’s important to lean in to such people.  Leaning in does not mean you’re weak.  Leaning in can be your saving grace.  Whether it be through a support group, a friend, family members, church members, or a perfect stranger who was set in your path for a reason you may not understand.  Just lean in, friends.

Start your gratitude journal today.  If you don’t already practice writing in a gratitude journal, today is the perfect day to start.  Maybe you can only come up with one thing per day, that’s OK, just write it down.  If you’ve already been in the practice of writing in a gratitude journal, don’t let any setbacks you’re experiencing prompt you to stop.  Expressing gratitude is wonderful in the good times, and can be a real life-saver in the bad times.  I wrote an entire post on journaling here, check it out for ideas and inspiration.

Here’s to reaching a place of peace and stability in your new normal.

Jill xx

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