Are You Comfortable in Your Own Shoes?

Following is an excerpt from something a friend of mine wrote on his Facebook page a couple days ago:

“I may not know everything about myself and I know I’m far from perfect – but I like what I do know and for the first time feel confident and comfortable in my own shoes.  Shoes I know I like because I like them, not because I saw them on someone else.”

In his post, Landon, who had just celebrated a birthday that, as he put it, pushed him firmly into his 40s, was giving thanks for all the birthday well wishes, but was also sharing another important personal milestone in his life…finding, understanding, and loving his authentic self.

Earlier in that same post, he wrote, “I don’t think I wanted to know who I was before, and instead just mimicked what I saw around me.”

Can anyone relate?

I can chalk up most of my childhood, 20’s and 30’s to feeling this same way.

Does going through a Madonna (the singer, not the Virgin One!), hippie, and “rocker” phase, all within a couple years, tell you anything?  And believe me, I got into each phase with gusto!  That all took place in my teens–my 20s and 30s brought on their own set of mimicry issues.

I would guess that most of us, at some point, have struggled with identity issues, some more than others, but the beauty in this story today, is someone “coming into their own” and sharing their experience with us.

We can learn from others.

You and I can learn from the words Landon shared.  We can learn for ourselves, for our children, for our friends.

My challenge for all of us today is to realize the importance of, and take steps towards, living as authentic people.  Let’s stop walking around wearing someone else’s shoes.  It’s no fun!

Following are some key points that may be helpful to you as you traverse along your journey in discovering your authentic self:

Introspection: A little self-examination goes a long way.  Ask yourself these introspective questions, either during or after you’ve experienced certain emotions:
1. When I get upset or agitated, what is the core reason for the emotion?  Am I feeling attacked?  Are painful memories being brought to the surface?  Am I feeling judged?  For certain parts of this exercise, I find it helpful to step away from my circumstances and view it from an outsider’s perspective.  Doing this gives some clarity and “unbiased” perspective that I might not be able to see through my eyes.
2. When I’m really grateful, what is the core reason?  Do I feel understood?  Do I feel safe?  Do I feel blessed?

Discovering the answers to these types of questions will help you uncover truths about yourself that are extremely important in this process.

Consider taking it a step further and work through these questions and answers in your journal.

Forgiveness: “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”  The act of forgiveness sets you free.  Free to move to an emotionally and physically healthy place.  Remember that forgiving doesn’t equal forgetting, and it doesn’t equal acceptance of the wrong that was committed.  This goes for forgiving others as well as forgiving yourself.  Forgiving yourself can be harder than forgiving someone else, but it’s just as important.

Listen & Be Open to Criticism: There are two types of criticism.  Constructive criticism can point out a mistake or a fault, but is intended to provide improvement and growth opportunities.  Destructive criticism is hurtful and can have negative effects on self-confidence.  Being criticized can be hard, but if you learn to receive constructive criticism well, you’ll have an opportunity to grow in ways you might not imagine possible.

Give of Yourself:  I’ve learned more about myself when I’m not “thinking about or doing for myself.”  The point of giving is not to receive, but I’ve found, time and again, the beautiful bonus of giving is going away with more than you came in with.

Practice Gratitude:  The practice of expressing gratitude not only brings the obvious benefit–feeling content and happy–but it also brings a concentrated awareness of the important things in life.  I love this quote by author Melody Beattie: “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Maturity: You know the old saying, “with age comes wisdom.”  This can certainly be true, but we need to be mindful of the latter part of that quote, too: “…but sometimes age comes alone.”  No matter our age, we will always be a work in progress, but we have so much to gain from our experiences.  The key is to actually learn from those experiences.

Think about these six areas as opportunities to grow closer or deeper into a person who is comfortable in her own shoes!

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me today.

Jill xx

P.S.  If you enjoyed this post, you might also like this video I did on authentic living.