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Top 5 Online Etiquette Rules

I’m sure you’ve seen the animal cruelty commercials with Sarah McLachlan’s voice crooning a sad song in the background.  If you haven’t, I don’t recommend you do, the images are haunting and painful to watch.

Earlier this week, I read a friend’s Facebook post and was sickened by what she had involuntarily experienced online.

Here’s what Cheri wrote:

“I feel violated! Right here on facebook I just saw a woman get run over. I’m sickened by something I cannot “unsee”. All to raise awareness of the dangers of playing pranks.

Did that need to be shared? Do tortured dogs and insane criminals and fatal car accidents need to be on facebook? Does seeing horrific images really cause people to act differently? Do scare tactics work?

Research says time and time again an astounding NO!!

So for the love of all that is good, please stop sending horrific images to your unsuspecting friends. I’d rather see people’s’ self-centered, duck-faced selfies (barf) than these kinds of horrors.

Awareness is fine. Sensationalism is not.

Rant over. Carry on.”

Have you experienced something like this?  I once saw a video of a prison beating that I couldn’t get out of my head for weeks.

Did you know that in some cases, seeing images like this on TV or the Internet can lead to symptoms much like PTSD?

In light of all this, I think it’s a good opportunity for us to be reminded of some basic etiquette rules we should be following in our online interactions.

I’ve come up with my top five list here.  Feel free to add others in the comments section, but please follow these rules when you do so. : )

JILL’S TOP FIVE ONLINE ETIQUETTE RULES

Be Kind.  You know what it feels like when someone is unkind to you…it hurts.  Remember how that felt next time you start to say or do something unkind to someone online.  If there’s any question, I suggest you speak out loud what you have typed before you share, and when in doubt, just follow Jesus’ teaching, “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.”

Be Authentic.  Oscar Wilde offers this bit of advice: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”  If your online and in-real-life personality and behavior are markedly different, you might want to check your motives and make some adjustments.  If people don’t like you for who you were created to be, don’t worry about trying to please them.

Think Before You “Speak”.  Remember that nothing is ever permanently removed or deleted online.  If you are super emotionally charged about something, try using a one-hour rule: write or type out your thoughts and wait one hour before hitting send/reply/post.  Also, please refrain from hateful spewing when you don’t agree with someone else’s opinion or perspective.  Looking for a job?  Prospective employers are looking online to find out more about their applicants…they may see something that will put you out of the running.

Don’t post disturbing graphics or videos.  Don’t cause your friends emotional distress by sharing things that they will not be able to “unsee.”  If you’re determined to share this type of media, please post a content warning and include a link or a page your friends can visit–if they choose to.         

Promote Good.  There is so much good in our world, but oftentimes the “bad” news overruns the headlines.  We can change this by what we choose to view and share: 1. Watch the good stuff, ignore the rest.  2. Be generous in sharing the beautiful, funny, sweet, and amazing goodness you experience or come across.

Have a great week!

Jill xx

P.S.  If you enjoy reading my blog, please share with your friends and family.  Thanks!

One last thing…in an effort to share joy online, you must watch this mega dose of cuteness:

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The Definition of Success – A 10 Year Old’s Perspective

Today, I’ve got a real treat for you!

Recently, my 10-year old niece, Lauren, was visiting from Texas and she asked me if we could “do a blog.”  She had seen that I’ve done some video blogs, and because the kids today are all about watching YouTube videos, she thought it would be fun.

I asked her what she was interesting in doing and she said that she’d like to do a video talking about animals and nature.  I explained to her, while I love talking about those things, the people that read my blog might be more interested in hearing about her perspective on some of the big questions that grown-ups ponder.

You know, the BIG questions, like: What is the meaning of life? What is success? How do you find your life’s purpose?

I explained to her that sometimes grown-ups can over-complicate things, and it would be good to hear a kid’s unadulterated perspective on these subjects.

Well, Lauren thought this would be great, so she and I worked on a list of questions and she chose this one: What is the definition of success and what does it mean to you? Read more

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3 Steps to Cultivate and Grow Your Relationships

“Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden.   Time, effort and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.” – Jim Rohn

I love this quote!  The words Mr. Rohn uses have such vivid imagery: cultivated…imagination…summoned…flourishing…growing.  He points out that human relationships, just like a garden, require time, effort, and imagination to flourish and grow, but did you notice these two words (their significance slipped past me when I first read the quote):  summoned and constantly?  That means the actions we take in our relationships are not a one-time thing–we must be intentional and diligent when it comes to the tending of our relationships–the time, effort and imagination must be summoned constantly.

If you’ve ever had a garden, you know the amount of work it takes to plan, plant, maintain, and harvest it.

Friends, if we don’t pay close attention to our relational “gardens,” the weeds will take hold and choke out the potential for beauty and bounty.

Do you have weeds threatening to take over your “garden”?  Have the weeds infiltrated the relationships with your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends?

The good news is that, today, each of us has an opportunity and the ability to get in our “gardens,” get the weeds out, and let the flourishing begin!

Let’s take Mr. Rohn’s lead and break it down in three parts: Time, Imagination, and Effort.

Time:  Relationships require time to develop, grow, and thrive.  Regardless of who we are, or what we do, we all have exactly 168 hours in each week.  Every single one of us is able to carve out time to devote to our relationships.

If you’re reading this and tensing up right now because you can’t imagine where you’ll find any extra time to do anything else, then I suggest you make a list of all that you do and see what really needs your attention and what you can get rid of or move around in order to make room for something as important as a relationship with someone you love.

In years past, I was the “volunteer queen,” doing a little bit of everything for everyone that asked.  Guess what suffered?  My relationship with my husband.  Because he’s not much of a squeaky wheel, I had to mostly figure this out on my own, but am I ever thankful I did!  My stumbling block was that because I was “doing good” and helping people, I thought that those things needed to take top priority in my schedule.  This isn’t true.  I learned the importance of protecting and cultivating our most important relationships, and by doing so, everything else will fall into place, including “doing good.”  I still find time to volunteer, but I’m careful to be realistic with the time I have available, and I use the word “no” more often so I don’t overcommit.

Imagination:  This is the fun part!  Use your imagination and think outside the box for ways to cultivate and enrich your relationships.

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, writes of the importance of discovering the “love language” of those you are in relationship with (spouse, kids, friends, parents) in order to express your love most effectively.  Believe me, figuring this out will be a huge benefit for your relationships.  Click here to read an article I wrote on this topic – in it I share how I discovered my husband’s love language – it goes along with our gardening theme today!

Once you understand the love language of those you are in relationship with it will help direct your thinking so that you can let your imagination go wild and come up with some fun ideas to express your love!  This is important, because one person might feel loved when you spend time working on a home project with them, another may prefer to be showered in gifts, and another may just want to hold your hand while you stroll through a park.

Effort:  Yes, even the best relationships take effort to develop and maintain.  Depending on the type of relationship and what’s going on in that relationship at the time, this might mean you’ve got some hard work ahead of you.  If that’s the case, just take it one day at a time, keep your head up and before you know it, you’ll be able to look back and see all the progress you’ve made.

On the other hand, there are times when the fruits of your imagination require effort that is fun and exciting.  Enjoy the process!

That’s it!  Time, imagination and effort = flourishing relationships.

Now, let’s put what we’ve talked about to use.  Before you move on to the next part of your day:  1. Pick one person you’d like to cultivate the relationship of, 2. Figure out their love language, 3. Schedule something that will benefit your relationship, 3. Repeat over time, 4. Enjoy the fruits of your “labor!”

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me here today!  If you found value in this post, please make sure to share it with others.

Here’s to your relationships growing and flourishing!

Jill xx

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Journaling…The Benefits, Methods and Ideas

Dear Diary,

I’m feeling a little blue today.  I don’t know why, but maybe the lack of sunshine has something to do with it, or maybe it’s my sister!  We got in a fight today.  She can be sooo emotional and rude!!  I wish she’d move to Timbuktu.  Later today I’m going to the mall with Beth and Maryanne.  I hope I have a good time!  I’ve saved up $14 and I’m going to the pet store to see if I can get a turtle.  Mom’s calling…gotta go…   

If you’re female, this journal entry probably looks, or at least sounds, familiar.  I made this particular entry up, but I remember as a child the power of being able to write all your “young-self” thoughts and dreams down in a pretty little journal—mine, equipped with its own lock and key!

It’s been a few decades since I wrote in my first journal and over the years journaling has come in and out of my life.  Today, I have three different journals that I write in–a writing journal that I mind-map my ideas for future blog posts, a daily gratitude and goal journal, and a prayer journal.

No matter your age or gender, the process of journal writing can be very beneficial.  So much so, that I’m going to share with you the top five benefits of journaling, a wide variety of topics to journal on, and I’ll discuss physical and online tools for journaling and the importance of your journaling environment.

Let’s get started!

FIVE WAYS JOURNALING WILL BENEFIT YOU

Protect Your Sanity and Your Relationships.  Journaling can be like having your own built-in therapist.  There are times when it’s more productive and ultimately healthier for you to dump your unfiltered thoughts out on a page in your journal rather than dumping those thoughts out on your spouse, your friend, or your colleague.  Don’t you hate it when something comes out of your mouth that later you wish you could take back, but by then, the damage is done?  Some things are definitely better left unsaid, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and work through those emotions with pen and paper.

Processing.  As I mentioned earlier, I use a journal to mind-map my writing ideas.  This has proven to be a fantastic way for me to creatively process and brainstorm ideas in a way that “just thinking” about them doesn’t.

On the other hand, processing may come in the form of working through emotional stuff that’s going on in your life, like I mentioned in the first benefit above.  Processing will generally bring clarity and a fresh perspective.

Hindsight is 20/20.  We can learn much from past experiences—good and bad.  This is of particular benefit when you use a “project” journal (more on this later).  When you journal through a project you will later be able to see what worked and where things may have gone wrong.  The details will usually appear more clearly when you’ve taken a few steps away from the actual experience.

This 20/20 hindsight vision can also be an awareness tool for unhealthy patterns that come up in our relationships.  For example, if you are in an unhappy or abusive relationship and you take a look back over your last year of journaling and see that you didn’t have one good day, then that written reminder may give you the strength and courage to get help or leave the relationship.

Time Capsule.  Your journals are a snapshot of times gone by.  Even if you have an excellent memory, you will never be able to remember all that you capture in your journals.  Whether you’re looking back to see how far you’ve come on a personal or professional level, or to remember the details of a trip you took years ago, a journal is an excellent way to preserve your thoughts, life’s milestones, and memories.  Journals can also be precious pieces of history to pass down to your children or other family members.  We’ll discuss privacy concerns later.

Deepening of Faith.  I have a friend that writes to God in her journal every day.  Getting things out of your head and heart and out on paper is a cathartic exercise and this type of daily communication to God has enriched her faith life profoundly.  She inspired me to start my own prayer journal, and although I am not as consistent as she is, I too, find this process enjoyable and rewarding.

NOT SURE WHAT TO JOURNAL ABOUT?
10 Ideas to Get You Started Today…

Personal Journal.  This is probably the type of journaling that most people think about when they hear the word journaling.  This style of journaling is a great way to pour your heart out and process through things going on in your life.  If necessary, keep your journal under lock and key.  I have a friend who keeps his personal journals in a small locked safe in his house.  His family has been instructed to get rid of the journals if he dies before them.  Not that there’s anything bad in them, it just gives him a sense of peace when he’s writing that he can be totally authentic and not worry about someone reading what he writes.  (Make sure to read about Journal Privacy rules below.)

Travel Journal.  You won’t regret journaling during your travels.  Not only will this type of journal serve as a memories scrapbook, but you can always go back and retrieve information for future visits or to share with others traveling to the same area.  Make sure to include favorite restaurants, hikes, monuments, hotels or B&Bs, bookstores, etc. in your journal.

Food or Dinner Party Journal.  Years ago, my mom used to keep a journal of dinner party details–who was there, what she served, and notes that might be helpful for next time those same guests came again.  This type of journal would be great for passing down to your kids too.  I don’t know where my mom’s journal went, but I’d sure love to have it.

Gratitude Journal.  Life is good when you consistently express your gratitude.  As I mentioned earlier, I have one journal that I jot down a few things I’m grateful for every day.  A gratitude journal is fun to look back at over the years, because you’ll see times when you were obviously struggling to find things to be grateful for and other times when you write ten items down instead of your typical three.

Writing Journal.  I love my writing journal!  I mind-map most of my blog post ideas in this journal.  This process allows me to brain dump everything out on a page without worrying about editing.  Click here to see an article I wrote titled, “Mind Mapping: Who Should Use it And Why.”

I generally carry my writing journal around with me too.  I don’t know how many times I’ve thought of a great idea to write about and if I don’t have my journal handy, I just hope that I’ll remember it when I get back home.  Nine times out of ten, I forget!  Sometimes I’ll just write one word or phrase down in the middle of a page and come back to mind-map it later.

Project Journal.  Whether it’s a home, work, volunteer project, or something in between, a project journal is a great place to store your ideas, plans, shopping lists, purchase information, etc.  Just like with a travel journal, you can go back to your project journal years later to remind yourself of that specific paint color you used or where you purchased that special lamp the dog just knocked over and broke into 22 pieces.

Goal Tracking Journal.  This is a great tool for personal and professional goal tracking.  I incorporate both gratitude and goal tracking in one of my journals.

Memories of Your Children or Grandchildren’s Lives.  My mother-in-law kept a journal for 12 years with notes from her famous “Grandma’s Summer Camp” that our son attended at her house one week every summer.  She has also keeps a separate journal for each of her grandchildren, full of special memories and thoughts specific to each grandchild.

If I could go back in time, I would have started a journal like this for our son when he was born.  Even if it only included the silly little things only parents care about or “kids say the darndest things” type quotes.  Think about doing this if you have young ones.

Prayer Journal.  Talk to God.  Thank him for your blessings and tell him what’s on your heart.  I have a feeling that more people start these types of journals in times of desperation, and that is good, but if you use this type of journal in the good times too, your relationship with God will have a chance to develop on the mountaintops as well as in the valleys.

Drawing journal.  Maybe you’d rather doodle than write words.  Doodle away, my friends!  Studies have shown that doodling helps improve memory, focus, and brain function.  Doodling is a good way to express feelings too…get those creative juices flowing and see where your doodling takes you.

METHODS OF JOURNALING
There are lots of options when it comes to journaling, from using a regular notebook to a fancy leather bound journal, to capturing your thoughts via an online tool.  Following are some options to consider.

Good ol’ pen and paper.  Check out your local stationery, book, or gift store for a good journal selection.  You can also search online (Google it) to find some unique journals.

Don’t do this: I used to get so caught up in finding the right journal, that I would delay the whole journaling process until I found just the right one.  This is fine if it takes a day or two, but I would go months without finding the right journal!  Trust me on this, just grab a notebook and get started.  If you really want to keep it in a fancy journal you can glue or tape the notebook pages in later when you find the perfect one.

Online Options:
Penzu:  This is the best online journal tool I have found in regards to functionality and design.  It is super user friendly, private and secure, you can add in photos, and they will even email you a daily reminder to write.  I like that it looks like you are actually writing on lined notepaper too!  They have both a free and paid version.  Click here to check it out.

The 5-Minute Journal:  I’ve heard great things about this journal in its traditional book format and now they have an app for less than $5 that backs up your journal entries to your iCloud account.  This journal has five daily writing prompts, and for those that are time pressed, it only takes five minutes per day.  Click here to check it out.

Evernote:  I love Evernote!  Although I’ve never used it specifically for journaling, I would use it if I ever switched from my preferred pen and paper method of journaling.  Evernote appears to have all the same bells and whistles that Penzu does, but you aren’t typing into what looks like lined notebook paper.  Evernote also has both a free and paid version.  Click here to check it out.

Microsoft Word:  A word processing option for not only your home computer but for your mobile devices as well.  Microsoft now has a Cloud storage option so you can access your data anywhere.  Click here to check it out.  If you are a Mac user, click here for info on Pages.

Google Docs:  Another word processing tool similar to Microsoft Word, but it’s online and it’s free.  Accessible on your PC and mobile devices.  Click here to check it out.

FINDING THAT SPECIAL PLACE TO JOURNAL

My environment is super important to me, especially when writing.  Obviously, you can journal most anywhere or anytime, but if you’re able to set aside a special place and specific time each day to journal, you are more likely to get it done and it makes the process more enjoyable.

You might like a cozy, quiet spot to have a hot cup of tea while you journal, while others may prefer a busy coffee shop setting.  However or wherever you do it, the most important thing is to block out time to do it.

JOURNAL PRIVACY…A final word

Don’t EVER read or share someone else’s journal unless you’re invited to.  Please respect the privacy of others.  We really shouldn’t have to use our lock and keys.
There are only two exceptions that I can think of to this important rule:
1.  The journal needs to be used as court evidence for a crime committed.
2.  Someone goes missing or dies and you expect foul play.

I’d love to hear from you.  Do you journal?  What’s your preferred method–are you an old-school pen and paper type or do you prefer online?  Is your environment an important part of your journaling experience?  How often do you journal?  Please share in the comments section below.

As always, I appreciate you spending time here with me today.

Happy journaling!

Jill xx

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How Changing Specific Words You Use Every Day Will Greatly Impact Your Life

You may not realize it, but there are most likely words or phrases you use every single day that are putting a damper on the way you perceive and react to life.  These words may seem innocent enough, but believe me, they’re not!

Join me as I share what these words are and discuss how you can benefit from recognizing, altering and, in many cases, removal of these words from your vocabulary.  As I discuss in the video, just changing one single word will truly make a major impact on your life.

IDEA: Don’t have time to sit and watch the video?  Stick your earbuds in, press play, and take a walk with me.  I’m also good at chatting with you while you wash the dishes or cook a meal. 🙂

What do you think?  Are you willing to make a change?
Have you noticed these patterns yourself already and made a change?  If so, how has it impacted your life?

Thanks for spending time with me today!  Hope you enjoyed the palm tree cameo in the video. 🙂

Jill xx

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How to Take Those Lingering Projects and Get Them Done

How many unfinished projects do you have looming right now?  Have you been dreaming about a project you’d like to tackle, but fear, overwhelm, or lack of time have hi-jacked your capacity to complete the task?

I’m right there with you!

At any given point, I usually have 5-10 projects I’d like to begin or am in the process of “working” on.  I’ll putter a little bit here and there, ultimately being busy, but not getting much accomplished.  I’ve always prided myself on my multitasking skills—I think it may even be a bullet point highlighted on my resume!  But I’ve come to realize that, overall, multitasking takes away from the laser focus needed to complete a task well and in a timely manner.  Author Steve Uzzell defines multitasking as “the opportunity to screw up more than one thing at a time.”

I’ve always been, and always will be, a checklist person, but I’ve recently read a book that has drastically changed the way I choose what to work on and where it lies in my priority scheme.  What I love about the concepts discussed in this book is that they challenge you to look at your purpose–why you do what you do–and use that as your foundation for setting priorities and the actions that will achieve your goals.

The book is called The One Thing, by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan.  The authors suggest that “The prescription for extraordinary results is knowing what matters to you and taking daily doses of actions in alignment with it.”

The authors challenge us to take a look at our work, family, personal, and spiritual goals and pick one thing to focus on as we work toward completing the goals in each category.  “Extraordinary results are directly determined by how narrow you can make your focus.”

If we don’t narrow down our project lists and calendar appointments, we become overwhelmed and stressed, which equates to things not getting done or not getting done well.

A couple of weeks ago, I became super convicted on this whole “One Thing” idea and decided it was time to complete a project I had been putting off for nearly a year.

I’m sharing this example for two reasons: 1. I think you might be able to relate and I hope it will encourage and motivate you to work on something you have been putting off; 2. My precious dogs are featured in the story!

Here’s where the story begins…

About 10 months ago, my husband and I replaced our 17 year old couch cushions (just the inside foam part) and we kept the old foam pads to be used as dog beds.  Excellent idea right?  Upcycle, recycle, reclaim—I’m all about it!

We placed the old cushions on the floor and covered them with a big blanket.  I even added a couple of our old human pillows with shams to make it extra comfortable for the dogs.  DIY at its best!  Shabby chic, easy, and good to go!

Well….you know how when dogs settle in to lay down, they circle around and around and dig into the blankets to make a comfy spot?  Well, the dogs did a little too much digging, so much so that every time they used the bed, they would rip up the foam and batting and leave a huge mess.

Jack and Dixie with torn cushions (1)

After the first few times it happened, I told my husband that I just needed to sew up a cushion cover with a Velcro closure, so they couldn’t get to the bare cushion.  With a glint in his eye, he nodded and said, “That’s a great idea, hon.” Let me preface this by telling you that my husband has witnessed me getting “amped” many times over the years about various DIY projects only to either half start it and leave it unfinished or just talk a lot about it and never even get to the starting point.  So the fact that he still had a glint in his eye was promising—at this point, his eyes should have looked dead and bewildered!

FLASH FORWARD 10 months (present day)…project still not done—BIG surprise!

My husband left town for a few days and I’d been reading the book I mentioned earlier, The One Thing.  Of course, I’d already started applying the concepts in the book to work-tasks and even projects on my blog, but it dawned on me that I should be applying the One Thing to my home life, too.

Yep, you guessed it!  I decided to make the dog bed cover sewing project my One Thing.  I was singularly focused and would not allow anything to get in the way of finishing this project.  The crazy thing is that it only took me a couple of hours to do the entire project—this included setting up the sewing machine, cutting the fabric, sewing, putting the cushions in their new homes, and putting the machine away.  Less than two hours!!

Look how happy the dogs are!  Believe me, my husband was even happier when he came home to discover the miraculous event that had taken place in his absence.

Jack and Dixie project complete

So, I know I’ve given you a silly example here today, but the point is that all of us have things we want or need to get done.  I think we can all agree it’s easier to get fun stuff done first and leave the more important things on the back burner.  It’s important to set goals for all areas of our lives and one of the keys to success is defining your One Thing and blocking time out of your day(s) to focus and get it done.

What do you have in your life that you need to apply some laser focus on to get it done?

Best of luck to you!  My dogs and I are cheering you on!

As always, thank you for spending time with me here today.

Jill xx

BONUS PICS (for those who can’t get enough of the cuteness.)

Dixie with ball helping with sewing project

Dixie wasn’t about to let me cut the fabric in an orderly fashion.

Dixie helping with sewing project

I finally got the fabric cut and Dixie sat with the strips of left over fabric for a good part of the evening!

Jack on two cushions

Jack enjoyed the cushions doubled up.

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Letter to a Graduate

In honor of what is graduation weekend for many, I present to you a letter my husband wrote to his best friend’s son (I did have to bribe him in order to share with the inter-webs!). This is a departure from my regular blog writing, but I thought you might enjoy reading this in light of the graduates in your life.

Here’s to NEW beginnings for our bright, young graduates!

Letter to a Graduate: 
Graduation Letter to Nate 2015

Graduation Letter to Nate 2015 page 2

Download a PDF if that’s easier for you to read, by clicking here.

Here are the extractions from the “vault of meaning” mentioned in the letter: Read more

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How to Stop Hurting The People You Love The Most

Have you noticed how we have a tendency to lash out or act ugly with those we love the most?  From the use of a condescending tone to being unreasonably impatient, it seems the closer we are, the worse our conduct can be.  Then we turn around and use our best manners with perfect strangers!

I’ve been guilty of this type of poor behavior and I’ve witnessed others doing it too.  Why is it that we allow ourselves to do this to our most precious relationships??

The reason I bring this topic up today is because I believe if we purposely pay attention to how we treat others, especially those closest to us, and take steps to improve our interactions, our relationships will flourish and we will be happier people.

The good/bad news is there’s always room for improvement.  If you’re reading this and think that there is not one thing you could do to improve your interactions with your loved ones, think again.

Since it can sometimes be hard to take an objective look at our own behaviors, I’ve found that it’s helpful to observe others around us and learn from their interpersonal interactions.

Whether you’re at the grocery store, a dinner party, a sporting event, at church, or at a family gathering, watch how others interact with their spouses, kids, friends, siblings, parents.  Do they exhibit kindness, respect, and patience, or rudeness, disrespect, and shortness?  I think you’ll find there are some common misbehaviors among people.  Take note of these and spend some time in honest self-examination–ask yourself if you’re guilty of any of the negative behaviors you witnessed.

Once you’ve figured out where you might be able to make some improvements, there are two important steps to take.

STEP 1:  Change your behavior.  You’ve already overcome the biggest hurtle—identifying the problem and admitting the need for change.

You can get to work on this step immediately.  The next step, however, may take some time, but is critical to your long-term success.

STEP 2:  Get to the root cause of why you fell into the bad behavior in the first place.  Invariably, when people behave poorly there’s something going on “behind-the-scenes” that needs to be dealt with.

Let’s take a look at some of those root causes here:

Three Root Causes of Poor Behavior:

Unfulfilled.  We live in an age of comparison where it’s easy to get caught up in coveting the “amazing” lives of others that are constantly displayed all over the internet.

When we’re not content with our own lives, we have a tendency to drag others down with us.  Unfortunately, our loved ones are usually the closest thing to grab on to on our way down.

Resentful.  Resentment occurs when we feel disrespected, mistreated, not understood, or not listened to.  It can stem from being hurt by someone or from our own mismanaged expectations of others.  If you don’t let go of resentment, it will ruin any chance you have of true happiness.  You’ve probably heard this quote, but it really hits the nail on the head of this issue: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Undefined Boundaries.  Adults can be vulnerable to a “rule-less” life and misbehave just like a child whose parents don’t provide boundaries for acceptable behavior.  Reasonable boundaries make people–young and old–feel safe.  If you weren’t brought up in an environment with reasonable boundaries, you’re going to have to learn some in order to experience success in your relationships.

Think about it this way…relationships are a two-way street and your responsibility is to keep your side of the street in good shape.  When you notice a pot-hole, you’ll want to fix it, but it’s also a good idea to figure out the reason for the weakness in that area in order to ward off future problems.

I appreciate you spending time with me today!

Jill xx

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When Quitting is a Decision That Will Enrich Your Life

I used to think that quitting was for losers—unless you were quitting heroin, of course!

The inspirational quotes that populate Pinterest and our Facebook pages urge us to “Never Give Up!”  I’m all for these types of mottos, but not when you find yourself staying in the game for the wrong reasons.  In some situations, “never giving up” can be an absolute exercise in futility.

I know several people, and I’m sure you do too, that are experiencing some pretty serious levels of unhappiness in their life.

Maybe it’s a job with a horrendous boss, a project that’s sucking the life and creativity out of them, or a relationship that’s draining or abusive.

In these situations, quitting—or withdrawing one’s self from a situation—can be one of the wisest, most freeing, and empowering decisions of your life.

The bad news is that oftentimes the choice to quit can be harder and scarier than the alternative.

The good news is that, in most situations, we hold the key to the prison we find ourselves in, and our sentences are determined by our action or inaction.

If you’re in a situation where you’re trying to gain clarity on whether to withdraw from a situation or a relationship, consider the following sections below:
1. Common obstacles to quitting
2. Reasons why it may be time to quit
3. Help in the decision making process

Common Obstacles to Quitting:

  • Fear. This emotion can paralyze you, but there are ways to overcome fear.
  • Because you’ve been told you can’t do it. Don’t listen to the haters—they don’t have your best interest at heart.
  • Just because it’s hard. Hard does not equal impossible.  Keep your head up and use your resources.
  • Because progress is slow. A lot of good things take time.  Patience is a virtue.
  • Laziness. Being a couch potato is a poor excuse to quit!  If this is you, it’s time to turn up the Rocky music and get going—You Can Do It!

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s take a look at some reasons where you can benefit from quitting or removing yourself from a situation.

It May Be Quittin’ Time When:

  • You’ve given it a fair shot and it’s not what you expected or what you want in your life.
  • You’d like to venture into other opportunities and need to let something go in order to make room for something new.
  • You’re stressing more about the work, projects, or relationships in your life than you are loving your life.
  • You are in physical or emotional danger.

Help in Making a Decision:

  • Talk to friends, mentors, and counselors.
  • Write a pros and cons list.
  • Work through your scenario in mind mapping style! I’ll show you how here.
  • Pray for wisdom and direction.

Once you’ve thought it all through, and you decide it’s in your best interest to quit or remove yourself from a situation, try your best to exit with grace and fairness.

Blessings to you!

Jill xx

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Mind Mapping: Who Should Use It and Why

I have an awesome “tool” to tell you about that anyone reading this can benefit from using.  This process is fun, will save you time, and will help you retain information.

It’s called mind mapping.

Mind mapping is a process for brainstorming and organizing your ideas.

Wikipedia defines it like this:

A mind map is a diagram used to visually organize information. A mind map is often created around a single concept, drawn as an image in the center of a blank landscape page, to which associated representations of ideas such as images, words and parts of words are added. Major ideas are connected directly to the central concept, and other ideas branch out from those.

I frequently use mind mapping to prepare blog posts.  I write the main idea or topic in the center of a page in a notebook and start “throwing” out ideas on the paper all around it.  The key is to write without over-thinking—just let the ideas flow.  This process will allow you to get all your ideas on the page and then you can go back and edit.

Here is the simple mind map I drew up for this blog post:

Mind Mapping Map for blog

WHO CAN BENEFIT FROM MIND MAPPING?

The question should be “who can’t” benefit from mind mapping?

Writers.  As I mentioned, I use mind mapping for brainstorming my blog posts.  Writers also use this process for organizing and brainstorming ideas for their books.  I am going to be writing an e-book in the future and I have already mind mapped all the chapters.  I will later mind map ideas around each individual chapter.  I’m telling you, this is a fantastic way to organize your thoughts!

Teachers.  First of all—God bless and thank you to all you teachers out there!  Mind mapping can be an excellent tool for lesson planning.  It can also be a tool to teach your students to use for note taking and studying.  See next entry…

Students.  Mind mapping is a great tool to capture the “main ideas” during lectures or presentations.  Students will also find it helpful to use this tool during study and review time; writing out all you know in an organized fashion like this is great for kinesthetic and visual learners.

Parents.  The possibilities are endless for this group: meal planning, grocery shopping, choosing schools, back to school shopping, birthday party planning, summer vacation planning, etc.

Vacations Planners.  That’s you!  Next time you plan a vacation, sit down with a piece of paper, write your destination in the middle and draw spokes out with all your dreams, ideas, and to-dos for your trip.  (I’m using Italy as an example in the “how-to” section below.)

Party Planners.  Whether it’s a party for a 2 year old or a 50 year old, the process of mind mapping will draw out all kinds of ideas, many which will get nixed, but you may come up with a brilliant idea that you wouldn’t have thought of had you not completed a mind map.  Your mind map will also visually organize your grocery, decorations, and party favors list like a charm!

Gardeners.  The process of mind mapping can take a huge, overwhelming task and bring it down into manageable “chunks.”  Consider mind mapping out your next vegetable or flower garden—I think it would be fun to sketch pictures for this “map.”  If you have several areas you are working on, you may create a grand overall mind map and then create mini mind maps for each individual section.

Business People.  Whether you’re working up a rough agenda for a meeting, a strategic plan, a proposal, or a presentation, mind mapping works well for lots of business applications.  Get a flip chart out at your next planning meeting and mind map out everything discussed with your co-workers.  Getting the visual out in front of everyone will generate even more ideas than discussion alone.

Preacher or other Public Speakers.  Not only will this help you organize your message or speech, but it will provide a visual that will stick in your mind—a good thing to reference if your nerves get the best of you or you have lost your place.

Song Writers.  I’ve never written a song, but I imagine this process could be a fun, creative tool for song writers, just as it would be for a writer.  Are you a song writer?  I’d love for you to try this process and let me know how it worked out for you.

As you can see, mind mapping can be used by pretty much anyone for anything.  Grab a pen and paper and try it out.

HOW TO MIND MAP?

TOOLS:
Paper.
Pencil, pen or markers.
Sticky notes.  This is similar to the paper and pencil method, but you are writing out your words/ideas on sticky notes instead.  The advantage to this method is you can rearrange/remove/add sticky notes during the editing process.
Computer programs.  I prefer pencil and paper, but click here to see who LifeHacker.com chose as their top five mind mapping software programs.  I’d personally add Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and/or Publisher to the mix—all of which most of us have access to.

PROCESS:
Let’s use an example of planning a vacation for this exercise.  I’ve sketched out a simple mind map to go with our example and placed it right below the three steps here.

  1. Write your main idea in the center of your paper. Trip to Italy.
  2. Now, think of all the things you will need/want to do in preparation for your trip. Draw lines out from the middle idea to these subsets.  For example: Budget, places of interest to visit, packing list, home and pet care while you are away, items to purchase before the trip, transportation and accommodation bookings.
    NOTE:  It’s important in this step to just get everything out on the paper—don’t overthink and don’t edit during this step.  You can fine tune your “map” later.
  3. Voila! It’s that easy.  You’re now more organized and much closer to your trip to Italy!
  4. Now you’ve got a “to do” list all ready for your trip.  As you approach your vacation date, you may decide to create mini mind maps for each sub-section to get in greater detail if you’re a nerd like me.

Italy Mind Map

Remember when mind mapping, there are no bad ideas.  Get everything out on paper and edit later.  Have fun!

Let me know how your mind mapping goes.  I’d love to see pictures of you work.  You can email your pictures to me here.

Wanna see some really cool, artsy mind maps?  Click here.

I appreciate you spending time with me today.

Jill xx

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