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Grief During the Holidays

Amidst the beauty and joy of the holidays, there is also some very deep grief being felt by many who have lost a loved one.

Whether it’s the first holiday celebrated without a loved one or the 10th anniversary of their death, the holidays really magnify the loss.

How can we help the holiday season be a little brighter this year for someone who is grieving?

While there is no perfect answer and each situation is different, the point is to make an effort to be sensitive to those who are grieving and show them love and compassion.

Here are a few ideas:

  • Send them a card letting them know you are thinking about them.
  • Call and tell them you are thinking about them. If they don’t answer, leave a short, sweet message.
  • Include them in your holiday celebrations, but graciously accept their refusal if they are not up to it.
  • Take them out for coffee, to a movie, or for a walk.
  • Be a good listener. This is a good time to keep your mouth closed.  Sometimes the things we say with an intention to comfort may produce the opposite result.
  • Tell them your favorite story about their loved one. From the day my mom died, almost 11 years ago, to now, I love it when people share their memories of her.
  • Pray for their hearts to be healed. “God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Grief.com offers the following list of ten of the best and worst things to say to someone in grief:

best and worst things to say to someone grieving from grief dot com

Have you lost a loved one?  Is there anything you would add to these lists?

If you are reading this and are grieving the loss of a loved one, I am so very sorry for your loss.   If you would like to share a story of your loved one or maybe just mention their name as a tribute here on this blog, it would be an honor.  I will start by leaving a comment myself.

Jill xx

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Overwhelmed by the Holidays?

Tis the season to be…..

Overwhelmed??

Wait a minute.  I thought this was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year!

Each year I see more and more people running around trying to complete an insanely huge list of things they think they should get done during the holiday season.  It’s important to note that most of these people running around do not have smiles on their faces.

Did you know that holiday gift shopping is up 8% from last year and shoppers around the country say they are planning to spend an average of $861?  That’s a lot of money and who decided that more is more!  The upside this year is that 54% of these shoppers will not be adding to the traffic jams around town because they will be making their purchases online.

Whether you are in full overwhelm mode, are in denial of your state of overwhelm, or it’s just about to set in, here are a few suggestions to make this holiday season a little merrier and bright.

Prioritize.  What is the most important thing about the holiday season to you?  Put aside what you think you should do and decide what is truly important to you.  Is it spending time with family?  Volunteering in the community?  Having the best Christmas light show in town?  Make a list and spend your time on the top two to three items.  Chances are those items that fall to the bottom of the list are the culprits that kick you into overwhelm each year.  Get rid of them and don’t feel guilty about it.

Get Rid of the Guilt.  A lot of the guilt we feel during the holiday season is based on not meeting a list of unrealistic expectations.  Guess what?  When you create the priority list above, you are starting fresh and setting your own realistic expectations.  For example, for years I felt guilty when I didn’t send out Christmas cards.  The problem was that I wanted to personalize each and every one and that would take forever, so instead I didn’t do anything at all.  One year I decided to send a card to anyone I loved that was over the age of 80.  I accomplished my Christmas card task that year.  Granted, I only had to send 5 or 6 cards, but I did it.  The key was taking a task and making it manageable and realistic for me.

Curb the Cookie Cussing!  When you are cursing under your breath while baking the 27th batch of cookies, it may be time to step away from the rolling pin!  If you have committed to making cookies for your 27 closest friends, but hate every minute of it—stop it!  Your friends will still love you, even if you don’t deliver cookies to their doorstep this year.  Don’t want to deprive yourself of the entire baking experience?  Maybe making a batch of cookies with your family on Christmas Eve is more manageable and realistic for you.

Party Like It’s 1999 or Not!  Don’t feel that you have to attend every holiday party.  You may get uninvited in future years, I know I have, but adding 22 parties to your already busy schedule can drag you down.  Question?  Why does everyone and their brother choose to throw a party in December anyway?  I know our houses look pretty with all the decorations, but wouldn’t it be great if groups of friends would put the names of all the months in a hat and draw out their designated party month?  This way we would have a nice party to look forward to each month throughout the year!

Be a Blessing to Others.  There are lots of opportunities in each of our communities to be a blessing to those who are less fortunate or lonely.  Consider helping out at a homeless shelter or food bank, sing carols at a nursing home, visit a home-bound person who doesn’t have family around, or donate a gift for a child that may only receive that one gift.

How are you doing this holiday season?  Are you in the overwhelmed category or have you found a good balance?  Tell us about it in the comment section below.

Wishing you each a very peaceful and happy holiday season filled with love!

Jill xx

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Being a Person of Influence

If you ask someone who they think is the most influential person in history, you are likely to hear names like: Abraham Lincoln, Jesus, Michelangelo, Ghandi, Oprah, and Steve Jobs.

TIME magazine publishes The 100 Most Influential People issue each year.  Their recipients are placed in the following categories:

  • Titans
  • Pioneers
  • Artists
  • Leaders
  • Icons

The dictionary defines influence as the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.

Read that definition again slowly.

The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone…

Do you realize the incredible amount of influence you have right now?

You have influence on your family, your friends, your co-workers, the teller at the bank, your neighbor, the child you tutor…the list goes on.

Every interaction you have, every word that comes from your mouth, every look you give, has the power to influence someone—in a good way, or a bad way.

Influence is a double-edged sword, isnt’ it?  Jesus and Hitler were two very influential people, with two very different outcomes.  A parent making good decisions vs. a parent making bad decisions—both influential, with two very different outcomes.  A loyal friend vs. someone who betrays—both influential, with two very different outcomes.

The choice in how you influence others is yours.

You may not end up on the cover of TIME magazine, but that doesn’t matter.  You have the power to be an influential person–choose to be one of good influence, you probably already are.

Following are traits I see in the most influential people:

Honest.
Kind.
Helpful.
Encouraging.
Neighborly.
Supportive.
Understanding.
Forgiving.
Listens.
Receptive.
Shares their knowledge.
Loving.

Who is/was the most influential person in your life and why?  I would love to hear about this person.  Leave your comments below.

Have a great day!

Jill xx

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Dreams Can Come True

Last week we talked about dreaming big and why many of us do not.

The main reasons I see dreams dashed are: fear, procrastination, and listening to negative talk–either from yourself or others.

Did you notice I didn’t say the main reason people don’t fulfill their dreams is because they don’t have an MBA or gobs of money in the bank?

Following are 8 steps that anyone can use to begin the process of making their dream become a reality.  

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work.” ~ Colin Powell

  1.  Find your passion. Sounds easy doesn’t it? For some people it is.  For the rest of us, it can be a life-time struggle and endless search.

Merriam-Webster defines passion as:  A strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.

With this definition in mind, here are a few questions for you to ponder:

  • What is so exciting that it keeps you up at night?
    Writing, cooking, knitting, opening a restaurant, wanting to help others, drawing, etc.?  You fill in the “blank”.
    NOTE: If you read my last post, you may have already worked on this list.  If not, grab a notepad or journal and jot down some ideas now.
  • Here’s another way to look at it.  What do you get supercharged about?  In conversation, what topic pops up that you just can’t get enough of?  For me, it’s talking to someone about their dreams and goals in life and helping them to figure out a game plan to make it all a reality.
  • What are you curious about?
  • What is most important to you in life?  Stability, adventure, comfort, helping others, tons of money, early retirement, etc.?

What sticks out on your list?  Did something in particular rise to the surface?  Yes?  If so, move on to the next step.

If you didn’t come up with anything earthshaking today, don’t worry.  These questions are good ones to get you thinking and exploring ideas.  Put your list down and come back to it later.  For now, let’s move on to the next step.

  1.  Dreams can come true. Have you admitted to yourself that the ideas and excitement that keep you up at night are part of a dream that could actually become your reality? Sometimes we keep our dreams in a little box that we only allow ourselves to take quick peeks inside before closing it up again.

I dreamed about starting this blog three years before I actually did.  I came up with every imaginable excuse of why it wouldn’t work… you don’t know how to write, who wants to hear what you have to say, stick with helping others figure out how to achieve their dreams–not your own, you don’t have time for any “side” projects.  Want to know the turning point for making my dream of creating this blog come true?  Long story short, I had a neck injury that had me lying flat on my back in pain for several days.  Besides praying for relief, I reflected on what’s important in life.  I realized that writing this blog was something I felt I was meant to do, even if that meant me stepping out of my comfort zone.

  1.  Realize if your dream is just that–a dream (best left on the pillow). If you are 50 years old, have never ice skated, but have decided that you are going to make your Olympic ice skating career a reality, it may be in your best interest to come up with a dream that’s a bit more realistic. The next step (#4) will help reel you in with this one.  You may come to realize that some things are better enjoyed as hobbies.
  2.  Take action. Ok, so now you’ve got a great idea and you are convinced it’s not just a pipe dream. Time to get moving! If you don’t start, you’re not going to get anywhere, are ya? I suggest you define and evaluate your goals by using the S.M.A.R.T goal setting method.

Here’s how to break down the S.M.A.R.T. acronym:

  • SPECIFIC – What do you want to accomplish?  Break it down.  Be very specific.
    Not specific: I will write a book.
    Specific: I will write 2 chapters in my book every week.
  • MEASURABLE – Figure out how to quantifiably measure your goal.  Put some concrete numbers down here.
    Not measureable: I will earn a ton of money when my book is published.
    Measureable: I will earn $175,000 in profit after publishing my first book.
  • ATTAINABLE – Is your goal something that can be achieved within the framework of what you can commit to?
    Not attainable: I will write 14 hours per day while holding down my full-time day job, too.
    Yes: I will spend 2 hours per night devoted to writing.
  • REALISTIC – This goes back to the Olympic figure skating example earlier.  Is your goal realistic within your abilities, experience, etc.?
    Not realistic: I will skate in the next Winter Olympics at the age of 51.
    Realistic: I will take ice skating lessons and join an over 50 ice skating club.
  • TIME BOUND – Every goal should have a deadline.  I have found that when I don’t assign a deadline, the goal will be pushed back to the end of the line time and again.
    Not time bound: I will write two books.
    Time bound: I will write my first book by the end of the year and complete my second book within 18 months following.

I have created a form to help you organize your S.M.A.R.T. goals.  Click here to download your free S.M.A.R.T. goal tracker.

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”  ~ Conrad Hilton

  1.  Let it evolve.  Now that you’ve got your S.M.A.R.T. goals written down, don’t let how you think the plan should play out overrule the organic evolution of “the dream”. Often times we try to control the outcome so much that we miss out on the beauty of the natural creative flow that takes place. Yes, it’s important to write down goals and have a plan of action, but there may be opportunities that present themselves along the way that change the course a bit.  How you get there may change, just keep the end goal in focus!
  2.  Don’t get distracted. Do you tend to have the “shiny object” problem? At times I will be steadily working on a project and decide to stop and check my emails.  The “I’ll just check real quick,” does not work.  The next thing I know, I have responded to several emails, checked Facebook, and it’s an hour later.  Don’t allow yourself to be caught in a time-suck that throws you off your game!  Stay focused!
  3.  Visualize your dreams coming true.  This part is fun! Who hasn’t had the, “What would you do if you won the lottery conversation?” When we visualize a desired outcome, our brains can sense that motivation and new ideas will begin to materialize.  My husband visualized hitting a softball solidly out of the park when we were on an amateur league at my office years ago.  You know what?  Almost every single time he stepped up to bat, he hit it out of the park!  A large part of training takes place when you close your eyes.  Visualizing creates muscle memory.  The same idea can work to help you see your dreams come to fruition.
  4.  Celebrate your successes (even the ones that some people call failures). Cue the Kool & The Gang song… ♪ ♪ Celebrate good times, come on! ♪ ♪  Determine “success milestones” and celebrate your accomplishments. The process of realizing your dreams can be hard work! Go ahead and pat yourself on the back…treat yourself to a large pepperoni pizza…get that mani/pedi—and then get back to work.

On the other hand, learn from your mistakes. Consider your mistakes a gift.  A gift that is used wisely will bring you much success in the future.  The key is to avoid making the same mistakes again and again.

Ok, so now you have 8 steps to get you moving in the right direction to making your dreams come true.

Hold on!  I’m going to add one more important step.  Let’s call it THE GOLDEN BONUS STEP.  This one will take some courage but will pay off.

Here it is…THE GOLDEN BONUS STEP!  Tell me (in the comment section below) what two steps you will take in the next 24 hours to work toward your dream.  Don’t let this step intimidate you.  Maybe your two steps will be to print out the goal setting sheet and spend 15 minutes each day over the next week working on completing the sheet.  That’s awesome!!  As a matter of fact, you can just copy what I just wrote and paste it in the comment section below.  Sometimes just publicly saying you are going to do something, will keep you motivated (and held accountable) when you feel like giving up.

Remember, I am here to offer you direction and encouragement along the way.  If you have questions on anything I have written about here, just ask.  I would love to help you work toward making your dreams come true!

If you found this post helpful, inspiring, or just plain awesome, please be kind and share with others.

Jill xx

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Dream Big!

Is there something really exciting that you would like to do, but have been putting off?  Something you dream about “one day” doing?  You know, something like: writing a book, taking a year off to sail around the world, going back to school for a career change, learning how to play the piano, opening a restaurant, starting a non-profit?

What’s holding you back?

Lack of time?  Lack of resources?  Feeling unqualified?  Fear?

Oftentimes, taking the steps necessary to make our dreams come true are postponed until…the timing is better, there’s more money, it feels less scary, etc.

Have you noticed how time flies when we use these excuses?

Three years ago I had a strong desire to start writing a blog.  Did I do it?  No.  The two main excuses that rattled around in my head were: 1. “I really don’t have time to write with my busy schedule,” and 2. “I’m not a writer.”  First of all, somehow I always found time to watch House Hunters International, so time was not the issue!  Secondly, did I think that writers came out of the womb with a pen in hand writing beautiful prose about their experience in the amniotic sac??

For me, it all boiled down to a dirty four-letter word.

FEAR.

I allowed fear to keep me from doing something I felt passionate about.  I allowed fear to take captive my rational thoughts.  I allowed fear to bully me into thinking I wasn’t worthy to express my ideas through writing.

Well, it took me three years to finally start writing my blog, but I did it!  The operative word here is START.  I know I might look back in a couple years and blush with embarrassment at some of my earliest writing attempts.  You know what?  I’m ok with that, because at least I will have something to look back at.  You know the old saying, if you don’t start somewhere, you’ll get nowhere really fast!

So, what have you been putting off?  Has fear crept in and pushed your dream into a corner?  Are you tired of making excuses of why your dream isn’t possible?

Taking action can be really overwhelming at times.  It helps to have someone (this is where I come in!) walking alongside you offering encouragement and actionable steps as you move closer to your dream.

So today, right now, I encourage you to take the first step.  Don’t worry, this part will be fun!

Over the next several days, set aside time to reflect on what you are passionate about, what gets you excited, what inspires you.  Another way to think about this is what or who do you want to be when you “grow up”?

I suggest you write some things down in a journal or notebook.  Write down words, sentences, ideas, maybe even quotes that inspire you.  Don’t get caught up in the details of “the hows,” just let your imagination run wild!  Dream big!

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” – Gloria Steinem

Next week I will have some specific actionable steps for you to begin working towards making your dream a reality.

So you don’t miss next week’s post, make sure to sign up to receive my blog posts via email.

Don’t let your friends and family miss out on working toward making their dreams come true!  Please share the love by sharing this post with them.

Super excited to see you next week!

Jill xx

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Finding the Extraordinary in the Ordinary

Think about a typical, let’s call it “ordinary” day.  You get up, make the coffee, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, return home, make dinner, do some laundry, watch tv, and go to bed.

Just another ordinary day, right?

Think again.  There’s something extraordinary right in front of you, you just need to know how to find it.

Merriam-Webster defines ordinary in this way:

Ordinary definition

On the other hand, they define extraordinary like this:

extraordinary defintion

I think the folks at Merriam-Webster should add a footnote with both these definitions that says it’s possible to experience the extraordinary in the ordinary.  It’s just a matter of awareness, perception and gratitude.

Let’s take a look at the “ordinary” day I described earlier.  How might we uncover the extraordinary there?

Have another cup of joe: Did you know that coffee beans are actually a fruit called a coffee cherry harvested from coffee trees?  The process from planting the seed, to harvesting (often hand-picked) the cherries three to five years later is only the beginning.  A very detailed process then takes place over the next several months that includes processing, drying, milling and exporting the green beans to a roaster.  The beans are finally packaged and available for sale in your local store or coffee house.  So, as you sip on your delicious coffee each morning, consider the extraordinary efforts that took place to create it.  Enjoy!

Rub-a-dub-dub:  Did you know that 85% of the world population lives in the driest half of the planet? 783 million people do not have access to clean water and almost 2.5 billion do not have access to adequate sanitation.  As you turn on the warm water each morning and lather up with a wonderful scented soap, give thanks for the extraordinary gift that your bathing experience is.

Take the “scenic” route: Most of us spend a good deal of time in our cars, but this works for those of us on a bus or a bike too.  Take a look around.  Note the beautiful leaf color on the trees, the interesting architecture of a house or building, and the way the clouds billow high up in the sky. These things we pass by each day, sometimes without a thought–when seen through a lens of awareness, their extraordinary qualities are revealed.

Just another day at the office: I use lots of technology throughout my day at work–how is it that I become impatient when the internet (the world at my fingertips!) goes down for 5 minutes?  Remember the day when we had to go to the library and utilize the Dewey Decimal system to look something up?  That wasn’t that long ago!  We are in an age in which we are witnessing never before seen technological advances.  These tools we utilize every day, at times taken for granted, are extraordinary.

You get the point.  It’s up to each of us to find the extraordinary in these “ordinary” experiences.  I would argue that we can find the extraordinary in almost anything.

Have an extraordinary day!

I’d love to hear from you.  Look around right now, using your new eyes of awareness, what is the first extraordinary thing you notice?  Please leave your comments below.

Jill xx

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Losing The Moment When Taking Pictures

The other morning I stood at my kitchen window and the most glorious scene appeared before my eyes…a bright, beautiful sunrise over the mountains.

Here it is!

FullSizeRender

What did I do?  I grabbed my phone to capture the moment.  I snapped the photo, reviewed the image, cropped out part of the neighbor’s roof, and ran down the hall to show my husband.  Darn, he was still asleep!  What did I do next?  Posted it to Facebook, of course!

What is wrong with this picture?

In attempting to capture the moment, I totally became detached from the moment.  I physically walked away from the beautiful scene that was taking place right before my eyes.  When I returned a few minutes later, the moment I was so intent on capturing was gone…forever.

How often have you found yourself so caught up in capturing a moment, that you lost the moment altogether?

I love the fact that I can easily take quality pictures with my phone.  What I don’t love, is that some of my experiences are losing their essence because I’m choosing to view them, in part, through a screen.

It’s estimated that as many as 880 billion photos will be taken worldwide in 2014, with over 200,000 uploaded to Facebook every minute.  EVERY minute!

Our obsession with over-documenting everything is adversely affecting our lives.  Here’s how:

Losing a moment you can’t get back…
Here’s a question to pose to ourselves: Is it worth losing part of the experience in order to better remember it in the future?  Hmm….chew on that for a minute.

Obviously each situation is different and we all have photos that we cherish and wouldn’t want to part with for anything.

I think the key take away here is to practice intentionality and moderation.

Adverse Health Effects…
Experts have warned that the obsession with recording and sharing every moment could have an adverse effect on our memories.

We need to allow our brains to properly process our experiences to fully retain the memory.  I don’t know about you, but I have a problem retaining things even when I’m really trying!  How much worse can it be when our attention is divided by fiddling with a camera?

Relationships suffer…
Relationships can suffer when constantly documenting our lives.  When we become so intent on getting just the right shot, we miss out on just being together and allowing the moments to come and go naturally.

Sherry Turkle, MIT professor and author of Alone Together, warns us not to confuse over-documenting and sharing our lives online as authentic connection.  “It’s hard to settle into serious conversations with ourselves and with other people because emotionally, we keep ourselves available to be taken away from everything.”

So…next time you are headed out, consider leaving your camera behind.  Enjoy the freedom and richness of experience this allows.

Live fully in each moment — you’ll never have another one just like it.

As always, I appreciate your input.  Can you relate to the compulsion to over-documenting life with your camera?  Please leave your comments below.

Jill xx

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It’s Scary What a Smile Can Hide

“It’s scary what a smile can hide.”

I saw this on a young woman’s Facebook page recently. I don’t know her, but I clicked over to see if there was an explanation. Nothing. No comments explaining why she wrote that, no follow up comments, or even questions from friends. Just, “It’s scary what a smile can hide.”

Reading that made my heart sink.

How many people do you and I “engage” with every day that are smiling outwardly, but on the inside it’s a different story?

Pain. Anger. Loss of hope. Resentment. Depression. Sadness. Hate. Abandonment.

All these emotions neatly tucked away behind a smile that doesn’t mirror the heart.

You’ve been there, right?

I’ve been there. Someone asks how my day is and I “cheerfully” reply with a heavy heart and stinging eyes, “Doing good! How about you?”

The response is not meant to be phony or misleading. It’s meant to be a method of preservation, a means of maintaining your privacy, and even consideration for others who don’t need to know every detail of our lives.

In general, we as a society, are taught to hide our emotions, aren’t we? Push through. Toughen up.

The thing is, many of us have loved ones and trusted friends who we can trust (most of) our “stuff” with.

Some don’t.

Where does that leave those who are never “seen” or “heard”?

It leaves them with statements like this: “It’s scary what a smile can hide.”

We are not put on this earth to live self-serving lives focused on indulging our wants and whims.

We are meant for greater things. To love one another. Even those we don’t know.

Remember to: Pay attention to the people who are right in front of you. Pay attention to the people that are important to you. Pay attention to those who have been forgotten or discarded.

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” – Jesus

Here are some deliberate steps you can take to connect with others:

• Acknowledge the person serving you at a restaurant in a very specific way. Compliment them on something they do very well or ask them about what’s going on in their life.
• Tell your child’s teacher that you appreciate their gifts and their sacrifice for your child.
• Say hello to the raggedy-looking person on the street. Ask how their day is and be prepared to really hear their response.
• Sincerely thank the bagger at the grocery store. I’m talking–looking him/her in the eyes and giving thanks.
• Spend some quality time with a friend that has seemed a bit “off” lately.
• Give a child’s voice the respect it is due. Don’t downplay what comes from the mouths of babes.

Are you hiding something behind your smile? I encourage you to reach out to someone you can trust—a family member, a friend, a counselor, or a pastor.

As always, I appreciate your input. Please leave your comments below.

Don’t forget! If you would like my blog posts to appear in your inbox each week, just add your name and email to the subscription box.

Jill xx

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Why We Procrastinate and How to Stop!

“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.” ― Rita Mae Brown

Who can relate with Miss Rita Mae? My arm is raised up high as I write this!

I have a natural inclination to procrastinate, especially when it comes to non-work related things. As a matter of fact, most Friday nights I am up until the wee hours finishing my Saturday blog post.

Sometimes, I think my best work is done under pressure! Other times–not so much. Let’s face it, procrastination can be painful; it can cause major undue stress.
I once heard someone say that procrastination is like a credit card, it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.

So, why do we procrastinate? Following are six causes of procrastination and some helpful “fixes” for each one.

• Fear.
Fear rears its ugly head so often with procrastinators. These fears are mainly based on two factors:
1. Fear of failure. This can be a tough one to overcome. Our egos get in the way and that voice in our head telling us we are unworthy often speaks louder than the truth.
2. Fear of success. This seems odd, doesn’t it? Who doesn’t want success in their life? Success can actually be quite scary. Just think about the amount of work that could come with your new-found success. How about the new expectations, from yourself and others, that may come along with success?

In either case, fears, founded or not, are powerful and hard to overcome.

The Fix: Put your fears in perspective. Ask yourself, is there a history that substantiates my fear? What is the worst case scenario? Oftentimes, working through these questions will ease your fears. Another thing to do, especially if ‘fear of success’ is stopping you from moving forward, is to create a plan of action for your success. Seriously — without getting too crazy — think about a few scenarios that might come up if your potential success were to come to light, and create a general plan for how you would handle each scenario. Creating this plan will help organize your thoughts and get you motivated! A good plan will have fear shaking in its boots!

• Too Many Distractions.
I am the queen of having 10 internet tabs open at once, 10 emails in process, and 10 apps going at the same time. This can prove to be very distracting. There is a time and a place for multi-tasking, and when you need to really focus, clearing out distractions will not only help to get things done quicker, but the final product will usually be better.

The Fix: Focus on one thing at a time. When I work on my blog posts, I work in a Word document and only visit the internet for research. I don’t allow myself to check Facebook, Twitter, or my email. I even turn off the ringers on my phone. I also close out my email or, at least mute the sound notifications. I don’t know about you, but when I hear that alert announcing a new email, it’s hard to not take a “quick peek”.

• Too much on Your Plate.
Sometimes our schedules can become so packed that we become overwhelmed with even the simplest tasks. People don’t do their best work when frazzled, overworked, or spread too thin.

The Fix: Take a look at your calendar. What can you cut? If I hear you saying you can’t cut one thing, think again. One woman I know decided that with kids, her job, and volunteer activities she needed to cut something out so that her family could have clean clothes and she could get the things done she needed to. That’s right! She decided to pay someone to come in once or twice a week for a few hours to do the laundry. It may sound like something only the rich can afford. Not true. She had to cut back on eating out a bit, but that was worth the benefit of having clean and folded laundry. Figure out the highest and best use of your time and make some changes in your life today.

• Lack of Prioritization.
Some things are more important than others. Some things are more fun to do than others. When you don’t have an order of priority, the general tendency will be to do the easier things first. Easiest does NOT equal top priority!

The Fix: Make a list of “to-do” items you need to get done. I like to draw a square check box next to each item on my list. Placing that check mark in the box upon completion is very fulfilling. Yes, I will admit, I’ve even been known to complete a task that wasn’t on my list and add it to the list just so I could check it off. 

• Lack of Motivation.
There are some things in life that we must do regardless of whether we like doing them or not. Everyone has that one thing that they dread. I have two: cleaning the bathroom and having the oil changed in my car!

The Fix: Remember how you just made your grand “to-do” list and prioritized each task? Consider placing the things you don’t want to do higher in your priority list. Of course, don’t sacrifice important deadlines for other tasks. It’s your list, so no one is going to kill you if you ignore the dreadful tasks, but wouldn’t you rather just get them done and move on? Hold yourself accountable. Remember saying to your friends in school, “I swear to God on the Holy Bible”? Try similar statements to yourself when you’re trying to get stuff done. I use it sparingly, but boy does it hold me accountable! 

• Just Plain Lazy.
You know what I’m talking about. You’ve been there. It’s Saturday morning and all you want to do is stay in your jammies, drink coffee, and do crossword puzzles. I know, I’ve been there too. Sometimes we need this type of downtime and there is nothing wrong with that, but if this is something that seems to be an overriding theme in your life, you may want to consider some alternative Saturday options.

The Fix: If you know you have these tendencies, you may want to make accommodations for downtime in your checklist, so that you get some “lazy” time in your schedule. There’s nothing like lazy-time after you’ve checked a bunch off your “to-do” list!

I hope the suggestions above will help you get moving in the right direction.

Where do you struggle with procrastination?  What tips work for you to help stop procrastination?  Share your comments below.

P.S. I had to get this post done early so I could go camping. Nothing like a little incentive to get ya movin’!

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Reboot Your Life

We’ve all been there.  Our computer locks up or we get some weird error that pops up.  The IT guy tells us to “reboot”.  In most cases, the reboot works like a charm.

Ever felt like you need a reboot in life?

Does one of these scenarios sound familiar?

  • You had a conversation where you stuck your foot in your mouth and wished you could hit the rewind button.
  • You started off your day stubbing your toe when getting out of bed and ended that same day with breaking your favorite lamp.
  • A bad decision you made has gotten worse. ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’ is a cute phrase thrown around, but the reality is that some of our decisions can be a nightmare that we don’t wake up from.
  • A bad mood sets in for no apparent reason, and you just feel down.
  • You are totally overwhelmed with your busy schedule.

If a reboot works for our computers, how much more could a reboot work for our minds, our bodies, and our souls?

Here are some reboot suggestions that can be implemented immediately:

  • Take a walk.
    Research shows increased health benefits with a 30-minute walk per day. It can cut the risk of heart disease, the #1 cause of death of men and women, by 40%!Don’t think you can fit in a consecutive 30-minute walk each day?  Break up your exercise time into three 10-minute walks per day–breaking it up like this is actually more effective for blood pressure control!  After you read this, plan to take a 10-minute walk within the next two hours.  After you take that walk, set up a time for your next.  Make this a habit.  You won’t be sorry.
  • Take a deep breath…or two…or three.
    Deep breathing is a definite stress reliever and you don’t need any special gear or a club membership to do it. Deep breathing gives you more energy (bringing in more oxygen to your body), more focus (especially when you are very intentional with your breathing–you quiet your mind, giving it a break and a reboot!), and deep breathing also activates the parasympathetic nervous system which is critical to your body’s healing and digestion processes.  Try it now.  Breathe in for five seconds and out for five.  Do this three or four times.  Good job!
  • Make a change in your diet.
    It’s no fun feeling sluggish, especially when your sluggishness is caused by the things we choose to ingest.  One quick and easy change to your diet is to incorporate some foods that are not only good sources of magnesium, Omega-3 fatty acids and protein, but are also known to boost brain power!  Some good options are: salmon, avocado, nuts, berries, spinach, and dark chocolate.Now, we all know the types of foods that drag us down.  For me it’s too many carbs!!  I LOVE carbs!  It’s not until I limit (NOTE:  I didn’t say cut out completely) my carb intake that I feel and see the effects.  Here’s an idea.  Make a decision to lay off one or two of the foods that you think might make you feel sluggish and see how you feel after a couple weeks.
  • Just Say “Maybe”
    Are you a “yes” woman or man? I admit, I am a recovering “yes” woman.  For most of my life I would say yes to almost everything asked of me.  I wouldn’t consult my calendar, my already packed schedule, or my husband.  THIS is NOT a good habit.  Remember, a well thought through yes, is 100-times better than 100 knee-jerk yes’s.  My recommendation is to never commit yourself to something without sleeping on it first.By the way, some of us (women mostly) somehow decided that our worth was based on how much we were doing or what people thought of what we were doing.  The sooner we can get that line of thinking in-check the better!
  • Hang out with a friend or two.
    Friendships enrich our lives.  As a matter of fact, having a network of friends is tied to living longer.  Something to remember is that there are different types of friendships and one is not necessarily better than the other.  You may have friends that are there for the good and bad times — priceless.  Some friends have you in stiches all the time, but they may not be the “call in the middle of the night if you need help” type of friend.  You know what “they” say, laughter is sometimes the best medicine.  Other friends may be with you for a season and move on – enjoy the time you have with one another.
  • Take a technology break.
    This day and age, many of us are more connected to our virtual reality than we are to our REAL reality.  Do yourself and those around you a favor and set aside time when you truly unplug from ALL the technology in your life.  We haven’t always had the information and capabilities at our fingertips like we do today, and believe it or not, you WILL NOT die if you take a break!  As a matter of fact, you may live longer.  That’s right!  Our brain is an organ—the CENTER of your nervous system– and it needs rest in order to grow and perform to its potential.
  • Give thanks. Last but definitely not least, give thanks.  I firmly believe this is the most important on our list.  When you stop and take a moment to realize all that you have to be thankful for, your entire perspective on life changes.  Some days it might be hard to dredge up something that you are thankful for.  Start with the things that many of us take for granted, like the breath you just took or the food you ate for lunch…each of us will have a different list, but all of us can find things to be grateful for.Go ahead, grab a pen and write down five things you are thankful for right now.  If you choose to spend 1 minute per day doing this, you will be amazed at how fast your list will grow AND how much more you will feel thankful.

If you are an over-achiever, here’s the instant-reboot-implementation-plan for you:

Take a walk with a funny friend and practice your deep breathing exercises together (this will undoubtedly provide extra bouts of laughter).  After your walk, grab a bite to eat and enjoy a delicious spinach, walnut and salmon salad.  Don’t forget to give thanks for your friendship and the food before you eat!  As you part ways, tell your friend you will have to sleep on it before making a decision as to whether you will join her in volunteering to clean the local park the following weekend.

Did you notice that this entire experience was technology free?  You and your friend did not check your Facebook status once during your time together, and you lived to tell about it.

All kidding aside, what type of things do you do to reboot?  Is there something that I haven’t listed that works best for you?  Please add your suggestions in the comments section.  Your idea may be the one that helps someone who is in need of a reboot today.

As always, I appreciate you taking time to read my blog.  If you have found value in something you read here today, please share.

Jill xx

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