When a Loved One Needs Assisted Living

On the heels of my empty nester post last week, I come to you today with another life scenario that many of us will experience in our lifetimes.  A question many families find themselves asking is, “Does my aging loved one need to go to an assisted living facility or nursing home?”

Whether it be a parent, an in-law, a sibling, or maybe even a spouse, there comes a time when one loses their ability to live the independent lifestyle that they are accustomed to.  This leaves the family faced with hard conversations and decisions to make.

It wasn’t on my radar to write about this topic, but I received a note from a reader who asked if I might consider writing a post to share some insight on this unfamiliar and difficult road.  I have several friends who are in the process of weeding through such a decision, as well as some trusted friends in the health care field, so I figured I better get to work and do some research!

While talking to friends going through this process, the common theme which emerged was that the process of compiling a care plan for their loved one became overwhelming, confusing, and frustrating.

These situations are not easy for anyone involved and every situation has its own unique variables.  There are no cookie cutter answers and the resources available will vary by city and state.  The key is to form a plan that honors your loved one and considers their values, financial situation and wishes.

After extensive research online and interviewing several people, I hope you find the information provided here helpful and informative.

Before we get rolling, I’ve realized how much easier things can be if one puts some thought into advanced planning.

Not only will this provide you and your family with peace of mind for the future, but it will take the burden off your loved ones, should the need for assisted or skilled care come about in the future.

Here are two tips to consider:

  1. Purchase a long term health care plan. Plans will vary, so make sure you read the fine print and consult with an organization or person you trust.  An attorney or care manager may also be utilized to clarify the policy.  The costs associated with eldercare can be great, so it’s a good idea to get the best insurance plan you can afford.
  2. Create a clear “getting old” plan and communicate your wishes with loved ones. Most of us will want to stay at home as long as possible, but in the event the need arises for in-home assistance, moving in with relatives, or relocating to an assisted or skilled nursing facility, be open to the various alternatives.  Prepare for the worst and plan for the best!  Most of us have prepared a legal will, right?  You’re dead when that’s executed, don’t you think a care plan that will serve you well while you’re living is just as, or more important, too?

OK, the reality is, some of us are not planners and we might not feel comfortable broaching this subject with our loved ones.  We may also find ourselves dealing with these sorts of decisions earlier than we could have ever anticipated.  So what do we do then?

Amy Fowler knows a thing or two about being thrown into a difficult situation earlier than she could have ever anticipated.  Her father was diagnosed at age 59 with Mild Cognitive Impairment which led to Early Onset Alzheimer’s.  Several years later, he is now in the end stages of Advanced Alzheimer’s.  Do you think her family ever dreamed they would begin navigating his care at age 59?

In an attempt to make the most informed decisions for her dad’s care, Amy’s family employed a Geriatric Care Manager.  A care manager works with families to help maintain the well-being, independence, and dignity of elders while balancing the specific needs of the families caring for them.

Amy’s family’s care manager not only provided options for resources, but the critical emotional support needed during the difficult process as well.

Through this difficult process, Amy came to realize that she wanted to help people like her family’s care manager had.  With her passion for working with elders and a heart to honor her father at the same time, she started her own Geriatric Care Management business in Asheville, NC.

Amy and I sat down and discussed eldercare options.  She began, “95% of the time, I will recommend someone utilize a care manager because often times you don’t need to place your loved one in an assisted living facility.”  She explained that when people make the decision to move a loved one into an assisted living or nursing home, in many cases, that decision is made out of fear and from a lack of knowledge as to what the options and resources available are.

A care manager is able to assess the situation from an objective standpoint and provide valuable insight, direction, and support.

Whether or not you decide to utilize a care manager, Amy suggests considering the following alternatives to assisted living and/or nursing home facilities.

Cool Technology:  Amy blew my mind with all the cool gadgets which are available to help a person maintain their independence at home with a little help.  “A big reason people move into assisted living is because they need assistance with medications.”  There are medication management systems that can be set up to send an alert via telephone to a neighbor or family member if the automatically dispensed dosage is not taken.  How cool is that!?  With those prone to wandering, there are door and bed sensors to alert others of movement.  The list goes on and on, so make sure to look into the amazing technology available to help your loved one.

Adult Day Care: “Adult day care is one of the best kept secrets,” shared Amy.  “This option saved my family.  My dad would go to adult day care each day and thought he was going to work.  He felt like he had a purpose,” Amy said.   This is an excellent option to delay or prevent the need for assisted living, or in many cases, even the more skilled nursing care.  It allows for socialization and exercise, and some facilities will even provide hygiene care.  This is a much less expensive option than assisted living or Skilled Care.  The national average cost/day for adult day care is $60. (Adult day health care programs are also available with nursing and CNA staff.)

Private Duty Agency Caregivers: These agencies can arrange for a caregiver to come into the home for a set amount of hours to help with certain tasks.  The care can include observation, assistance, and/or skilled nursing care.  This service can be used independently or paired with adult day care.  Amy gives a scenario in which a person doesn’t need overnight care, but they might need help in the morning getting up, eating, and being transported to the adult day care.  Most agencies have a 3-4 hour minimum, but Amy said it is reasonable to ask the private duty agency to do a split shift, where the caregiver comes in the morning for a couple hours, drops the person at Adult Day Care, picks them up later in the day, and helps them eat and get settled for the evening.  You can expect to pay somewhere between $18 – $25/hour for this type of service.  If this option is utilized 24/7, it can be very expensive.  (This is not to be confused with a personal caregiver which may be $10/hour, but has not been vetted or represented by an agency.)
Note: Another term to be familiar with is Home Health Care.  Home health is generally ordered at discharge from a hospital and is covered under Medicare for a certain period of time, whereas Private Duty care is not covered by Medicare.

Amy points out that after having considered these three options, you may come to the conclusion that an assisted living or skilled nursing facility is the best fit for your loved one.  Here’s the kicker!  “Assisted living facilities are not all created equal,  Unlike skilled nursing facilities, which, because they offer rehab through Medicare, have stringent requirements and regulations that they have to adhere to, assisted living facilities can do as much or as little as they like to when it comes to care.”

This being said, just be careful to determine the care needs of your loved one and find a place that will serve them well.  Where one person may need a facility with a full-time nurse or med tech on-site at all times, another may just need some oversight because they’re of advanced age.

Another thing to consider when researching assisted living facilities is finding out whether they charge a base rate each month, or a level-of-care fee.  Amy points out that one is not better than the other, it’s just important to determine the level of care that is needed, pay for the things you need, and refrain from paying for items or services that you don’t need.  For example, if you only need a little medication management and prompting to go to the dining room, that is considered lower level care, and the fees won’t be as high as those for someone who needs incontinent care.  Because facilities provide various services, make sure to find out if some are automatically included, but charged for.  For example, does the facility automatically utilize and charge for WanderGuard© (a bracelet that alerts facility staff if a resident is wandering)?  If your loved one does not wander, there is no need to pay for that service.  Amy stressed the importance to “be a savvy consumer and asking the right questions.”

I know I might sound like an ad for care managers, but in doing my research for this post, I see how complicated, delicate, and emotionally charged these decisions are.  This may be one of the biggest decisions of your life, so bringing in an expert, like a Care Manager, to help guide you through the process seems like no-brainer to me.

To locate a Geriatric Care Manager in your state, visit CareManager.org.  As with any professional you hire, check references.

If you are looking at care options in the Asheville, NC and surrounding areas, I highly recommend using the services of Amy Fowler.  I have known her for nearly 10 years and I can tell you, she has a heart of gold and a super sharp mind.  Click here to visit her website.

Care managers generally charge an hourly rate of $60 – $200/hour, depending on your city and state, and unfortunately most insurance plans will not cover this service.  I asked if there was a ballpark number of hours a typical family would use, but as you can imagine, it varies from case to case.  Amy shared that for some people it’s pretty quick – they meet for an initial assessment, she creates a ‘road map’ for the family, and they are good to go.  Others prefer to have a more hands-on relationship.

Are you struggling with someone who needs help but DOES NOT WANT TO relocate?

Amy offers the following advice for you:  “Be compassionate, and try to hear where they are coming from, because it is probably a place of fear.  Engage a care manager, who is a 3rd party, who can help present the information in a non-confrontational way and engage the older person in the discussion so they feel empowered in helping to make that decision.”

Here’s the deal:  Unless someone is declared incompetent, you cannot force them to do something they don’t want to.  With any conflict, a mediator can often bring a peace and resolution to even the ugliest of situations.

So, let’s assume you have determined that a move to an assisted or skilled nursing facility is necessary. 

If you are working with a care manager, utilize their expertise, knowledge, and relationships in selecting a facility.

If you are not using a care manager, make sure to do your homework.

When searching for an assisted or skilled nursing care facility, go ahead and do your work online, but always visit the facility in person to see how it looks, smells, and feels.  Talk to the staff and the residents that are sitting in the halls.  Sit in on an activity and lunch.  Watch the interactions between the staff and residents.

To review skilled nursing care facilities, go to Medicare.gov and click on ‘Find nursing homes’.

Home, Sweet Home 

Stay vigilant after your loved one has made the move.  You want their new home to be a safe and comfortable place to live.  Here are a few tips friends gave based on their experiences:

  • Show up for visits often and at different times of the day. It is important that the workers of each shift know who you are and are aware that you are a consistent presence in your loved one’s life.
  • Just because a person is not ambulatory doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be dressed each day. A friend told me that she hangs seven entire outfits (undergarments, shirt, pants, socks and shoes) in her mother’s closet at her nursing home.  This helps to keep the staff accountable for dressing her each day and keeps her mama looking good.  The cold, hard truth is that people treat you different if you are clean and presentable.
  • Review the care plan from time to time and make sure if anything changes, everyone is aware and on the same page. For example, if a blood pressure medication is increased, make sure everyone is aware.
  • If you see something that is being done wrong (not flagrantly), give criticism/direction kindly and make sure it is recorded with the supervisor so it remains on permanent record. For example, if you have told the staff not to give your father yogurt because it causes him to break out in a rash, but they continue to give him yogurt every morning anyway, try complimenting them on something they do well, followed by a reminder not to go against the care plan orders.

Well, I hope this will help someone.  Now, I’ve got to run and call my dad and stepmom to see what their “long-term” plans are!

As always, I appreciate your feedback, comments, and questions.  Please leave them in the comments section below.  You never know when your comment might help someone else.

Jill xx

P.S.  The picture above is my 100 year old Granny (in the blue coat) holding the hand of her dear 101 year old roommate at their skilled nursing home facility in Arkansas.  They watch out for each other.  Have you seen anything sweeter!?!

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Tips For Empty Nesters

It has been 3-weeks since we dropped our only child over 2,000 miles from home and despite my “Oh, I’m going to be fine…This is what it’s all about…We raise ‘em to set ‘em free” attitude, I have to admit, I’m not quite as strong as I thought I would be. Waaaaa! I miss my boy!

It’s not like we dropped him in a gutter! His new home away from home is a college within minutes from the Pacific Ocean. He has joined the BEACH volleyball club!

[Tweet “Becoming an empty nester marks the end of an era, NOT the end of parenting. via @LearnWithJill”]

It’s time to take a step back and watch our little birdie take the plunge. We have, after all, been preparing him for this for 18 years.

We raise our kids to be independent, strong, and confident young adults that can leave home with a sense of confidence and excitement for their future. Right?

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Although we may want our children to show a need for us in some way, we don’t want them to look back with fear in their eyes or steps of trepidation.

As we take this great step of faith, let’s consider a few ideas that can help us along in this process. I have outlined several below, but would love your input in the comments section. What works for some may not work for others. Let’s help each other out here, Mamas and Daddies!

I have also included a section below with helpful tips for 1.) young adults leaving the nest, and 2.) parents with kids still at home.

TIPS FOR EMPTY NESTERS:

1. Keep the Lines of Communication Open. Set up clear communication expectations before your child leaves. Our agreement is that we must talk on Sundays. Of course, we welcome the random call, text, or email throughout the week. From one parent to another, an expectation to talk every day is asking a bit much of your grown child. Allow them some space and room to figure out stuff on their own.

2. Cry. It’s ok. There is no shame in this. Studies show that when we cry we are releasing stress hormones. This may sound dramatic, but most empty nesters go through a grieving process, and a natural step in moving through your grief is the physical act of crying.

3. Branch Out. If you get stuck in the crying stage, you will become depressed. You may also unwittingly become an unnecessary burden to your child. Realize and celebrate that a new life has birthed. YOUR new life. Remember when your child was young and you had to pay someone to watch your child to go on a date or go for a run? No more babysitters needed, people! Take some time to think about a new hobby you would like to engage in and get started! Embrace the time you now have to share with your spouse and/or additional children, friends, etc.

4. Give Your Child Some Space. Remember that your “child” is now an adult. Your parenting role did not end when your child left the house, but a new version of your role has begun. Respect your child’s independence, but be available as needed.

5. It’s OK To Make Mistakes. Young adults and old adults make mistakes. We, as parents, need to be at peace in allowing our child to make decisions, good and not so good, that will enable them to learn through natural consequences.

TIPS FOR KIDS WHO HAVE LEFT THE NEST:

1. Remember your parents have provided for your every need for the last 17-18 years, show a little RESPECT!

2. Call/Text/Email your parents at least once per week. You may be busy, but no one should ever be too busy to reach out to a loved one. A “Hey pops! Love ya!” text/email/call goes a loooooooong way!

3. Be strong in your moral convictions. Don’t let your peers decide which road you will travel down. A wise person once said, “Pick your peers, pick your pressures.”

4. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your parents for advice or guidance. They know you best, love you the most, and will always be a good source of wisdom. Most enjoy feeling useful.

5. Enjoy your new life. Take advantage of your new surroundings and partake in experiences that will enrich your life.

TIPS FOR PARENTS WITH KIDS STILL LIVING AT HOME:

1. Be consistent in your discipline. It may be hard while you’re in it, but children feel safer when given boundaries (don’t let the screaming and kicking fool you).

2. Allow your child to make choices under your guidance and learn the consequences.

3. Establish and maintain open lines of communication.

4. Listen. Listen to hear, not to just give your input. At times you will need to suspend judgment.

5. Allow your children to make their own way. Don’t expect your kids to fulfill your own personal dreams.

Ok, parents and kids, I want to hear what you have to add. Pull from your experience and share with us. Any and all advice is welcomed.  Consider your advice as free therapy for struggling parents out there.
Please leave your comment(s) in the comment section below.

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5 Lessons We Can Learn About Life From Appollos Hester

Have you seen the awesome video of the high school football player that has gone viral this week?

I hope you haven’t and this is your first time.  You are in for a real treat!  (Confession: I have watched a dozen times now and it never gets old).

Every bit of the 2 minutes and 28 seconds of this video is superb.  This video is G rated, so gather any youngsters wandering around to watch with you.

Ok, first of all, DO YOU NOT LOVE THIS KID!  I just want to hug and high five him!

Every second of this video is filled with goodness, but here are the TOP 5 lessons we can learn about life from Appollos Hester:

1. NEVER LOSE YOUR CHILD-LIKE ENTHUSIASM
Appollos is in high school, so he’s still officially a “child,” but somewhere along the line most of us lose our zeal and excitement for life.  Did life become less exciting?  No.  Our perspectives change, but that doesn’t mean we lose the ability to twirl and jump around when we are excited about something.  Right?

Challenge: Next time you get your mail, skip to the mailbox.  Don’t worry about the neighbors staring at you.  Maybe you will encourage them to live out random acts of joy.  Believe me, skipping makes you feel ALIVE!

2. LISTEN TO YOUR MENTORS
Appollos recounts what his coach told the team in the locker room huddle, “It’s gonna be tough, it’s gonna be hard, you’re gonna go out there, you’re gonna batter, you’re gonna fight, you’re gonna do it for one another…”  He took the advice and encouragement the coach gave and BELIEVED his team could do it.

If you are lucky enough to have a mentor/coach/counselor in your life, listen to them and apply the wisdom they have to impart.  If you don’t have someone like this in your life, I encourage you to find someone who can speak into your life in a positive way.  For those encouragers out there, you have a gift to share, become a mentor to a child or adult today.  Click here for some organizations that need you.

3. BE GRATEFUL
Appollos is grateful.  He’s grateful to God.  He’s grateful to his parents.  He’s grateful to his friends and teammates.  He’s grateful for everything!  Research shows that people who practice gratitude consistently are physically, emotionally, and socially better off.  No matter what your circumstances are, there is always something to be grateful for, it just takes a conscious decision to choose to live a life of gratitude.  As Appollos reminds us in the video, “It’s a mindset!”

4. POSITIVE PEOPLE MOTIVATE THOSE AROUND THEM
I love it when the desk reporters at the end are discussing the interview and one says, “I don’t know about you, but I’m about ready to run through a brick wall!”  This guy was pumped! Positive people inspire others and breed positive change.  Positive people also attract positive life experiences.  You know motivational speaker Tony Robbins is going to be all over offering a job to our dear Appollos!

A bit off topic here, but didn’t the desk reporter look and sound just like Vince Vaughn when he made that comment?  Just a note for the future movie producer of Appollos’ life story. : )

5. SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS
There is so much good in this world.  Unfortunately, the ugly stories the media has a tendency to share get the high ratings, so those stories aren’t going anywhere.  The reason this video has gone viral is because it makes us happy to watch it.  It inspires us!  It motivates us!  The lesson here is, when you have good news to share, share it.  Spread JOY and HAPPINESS!

“You can do anything you put your mind to. Never give up on your dreams. Keep smiling.” – Appollos Hester

What was your favorite part of the video?  Do you have something awesome that you would like to share with us today?

Include your comments below, I would really love to hear from you!

In an effort to make your friends and family smile, please consider sharing this post with them.

Jill xx

P.S. If you haven’t subscribed to my blog already, don’t wait!. You might miss an encouraging and helpful post.

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How to Stop Your Negative Self-Talk From Bullying You

Let me ask you a question. If someone walked up to your kid, your best-friend, or your mama, would you allow them to shout insults in their face?

“HEY! YOU MAY AS WELL QUIT! YOU DON’T HAVE A CHANCE! YOU’RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAY!!”

I hope your answer is NO WAY! We would never allow this bullying behavior to continue, would we?

If that’s the case, why do you and I allow ourselves to talk to ourselves in that way?

Maybe when it happens in your head it doesn’t sound that aggressive. Your internal negative self-talk voice may have more of a calm, condescending tone to it. “Darlin’, you go right ahead and try to get that promotion at work. They won’t laugh in your face, it will be behind closed doors.” (Imagine this one with a sweet southern accent. This is how I’m guessing some of my southern sisters hear the bully in their head.)

Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Alice Domar tells us,”We have about 50,000 thoughts a day most of which are automatic. Our internal self-talk will be a mixture of positive, negative and neutral thoughts.”

It’s when we allow the negative thoughts to outweigh the others that we have a problem.

As Dr. Domar said above, we all have negative thoughts, so chances are we won’t be eradicating those thoughts completely. We CAN, however, limit the amount of negative self-talk that pervades the inner-sanctum of our minds.

Let’s take a look at the physical and emotional impact that occurs when we allow our negative self-talk to take over, followed by ways to overcome or override these effects.

Negative Self-Talk:

Intimidates us.
Makes us believe lies about ourselves.
Causes anxiety and stress.
Causes avoidance and procrastination.
Sabotages positive activity in our lives.

Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk:

Awareness:
As negative thoughts enter your head, realize that they are just that – THOUGHTS, not truth.

The more you are aware of a habit, the easier it is to make a positive change.

Judge “The Voice”:
Some negative thoughts may be there to protect us. “Don’t you dare go out with those friends tonight, you know you don’t have the power to turn down that drink.” For a struggling addict, the “you don’t have the power” statement here may be true.

In another example, let’s say that same addict is hearing, “Don’t you go to that AA meeting, you don’t have the power to follow through with those 12-steps.” It’s time to dismiss this voice and it’s “counsel” for the troublemaker that it is.

Fill Your Brain With Positive Thoughts:
When we fill our minds with positive affirmations, our realities WILL change. Every single one of us, yes, EVERY single one of us has positive character traits and attributes and true words of encouragement that we deserve to tell ourselves.

A friend of mine is in the process of writing a book about her journey with Leukemia. She writes the following about the four most impactful words – I CAN DO THIS – she repeatedly told herself during the year and a half following her diagnosis of Leukemia, “After my initial diagnosis which was followed by my first round of chemo, that afternoon, I can remember saying it a few times. I can do this. After that it was like a roller-coaster, with the number of times a day I said it, depending on, of course, where I was in my treatment. During the months leading up to my transplant and while undergoing chemo to keep my cancer in remission, I probably said it four or fives times a day. After my transplant and while living in the hospital for six weeks it was more like 20 times day. Being released to my temporary housing in Seattle Washington where I had moved to undergo the bone marrow transplant, that was a different story. I can do this, was something I told myself at the very least, 20 times a day. On my very worst days it was closer to 50.”

I am certain those four words, “I can do this,” helped sustain Mari’s life.

Shed Light on Your Negative Thoughts:
When negative thoughts are kept “in the dark,” they have a tendency to stick around taunting us, growing in size and volume.

Try “outing” these thoughts by telling a family member, friend or a counselor. Good things happen when we bring negative thoughts into the light. First of all, your friend is going to tell you how silly the thought is and provide encouragement. Secondly, most scary or bad things in the dark, appear much smaller and more manageable in the light. This makes it much easier to deal with.

I encourage you to come up with 1 or 2 positive thoughts, right now, that you can speak to yourself at any time of any day. Write these down and place them in spots where you will see them regularly (bathroom mirror, kitchen sink, car dashboard). If you care to share, please write your positive thought(s) in the comment section below. Here’s mine: “I have value to add to the world through the words I write in my blog. There is someone out there that needs to read my words to encourage their heart today.” (My negative voice has been “encouraging” me to stop writing, because I don’t have any real value to add.)

Have a great day! I appreciate you taking time to spend a few minutes with me today.

If you would like these posts to magically appear in your inbox each week, just type in your name and email address in the subscription box, and consider it done!

Jill xo

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The Beauty of Living a Life of Balance

Have you noticed that a lot of people are running around with a crazed look in their eyes?

The other day, I was talking with a friend and I let out this weird cackle-laugh that I had never heard before! The translation of my cackle was “Oh my gosh, I love talking to you and what you just said was seriously funny, but I have 1,467 things to do before I leave for my vacation!!!”

So maybe we all feel a bit frazzled before leaving for vacation, but if we look around us and, better yet, look within ourselves — we may notice that we are all stumbling around a bit unbalanced.

Answer me this: On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being super-balanced, to 1 being on the verge of falling apart, where do you stand in the balance department?

I would guess that most of us have been or are currently in the lower half.  If you are reading this and happen to fall in the super-balanced end of the spectrum, feel free to skip to the end of this post and leave a comment with your best tips. Sharing is caring, people!

So, if you find yourself in a place where you are stressed, maybe even resentful of the direction your days go, read on, there is hope to be found here.

Let’s talk about some ideas and actionable steps to creating a life of beautiful balance.

Realize and admit you need to make some changes.
The first step to positive change is admitting there is work to be done, adjustments to be made. This seems like an easy step, but many of us have a hard time admitting that we don’t have it all together. Here’s the deal, not one single person on earth has it all together. Each and every one of us has room for improvement.

Stop the comparison game.
Live your life, not your neighbor’s life. You were created for a specific purpose, with gifts that are specially yours. The most honorable thing you can do is to be who you were meant to be.

Write a top 10 priority list.
What are the non-negotiables in your life? Be specific here. If riding 100 miles/week on your bike is critical to your well-being, include that. Don’t leave off the boring stuff, like doing laundry and yard maintenance.

Remember that this is not a bucket list. It’s a list of things that need to get done on a regular basis type of list.

Also remember that you want to enjoy your life, so including hobby or exercise time is not only fun but is beneficial to your health.

NOTE: non-negotiables will change throughout your life. It’s a good idea to review this list at least once per year.

Here is my list as an example:

priority list small

Take a look at your calendar.
Write down or print out a full typical month of your calendar. Many of us may not include grocery shopping, picking up dry cleaning, visiting a friend in the hospital, etc. in our calendar, but for this exercise, adding these items is important. Don’t get caught up in the details of exact shopping times or days of the week, just get it all down on paper.

Reflection time: Are your calendar and top 10 priority list in sync?

Just Say NO!
Now that you’ve got it all down in black and white, do you see anything glaringly obvious that you just don’t have time for?

It’s time to make some cuts.

If you are a parent, it may be that hauling your kids around to four different practices is killing you.

If you are a business person, it may be that working 14 hours per day is killing you.

It may be that you are trying to pack too much fun into your calendar. This may sound absurd, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

Take some time to decide what you will say no to. It took 43 years for me to become comfortable with saying no (by the way, as I write this I am 43 & 3/4). Still a work in progress.

Now before you try and convince yourself that saying no is mean or a bad thing to do, let me stop you there. When you have the courage to say no you are clearing out room for a well-cultivated YES!

Unplug. I love technology! With that being said, please unplug from your virtual world for set periods of time. Facebooking, Tweeting, and surfing the net can be a major time suck. You will not be able to achieve balance if you are living your life through a screen. (If you did not include technology time in your non-negotiable list, then consider adding it now.)

Set some personal boundaries.
The purpose of boundaries are to protect. Saying no is one such boundary that will protect you.

The lines on our freeways are boundaries that keep us from crashing into one another. The boundaries set on a football field create order.

The boundaries we set in our lives will protect us physically and emotionally. Do yourself a favor and set some boundaries.

One such boundary might be that you will not work more than 50 hours/week.

Another could be related to friendships or other relationships. There are all types of people, some can suck the life out of you. Creating a boundary of when and where you are willing to interact with these type of people is a good thing.

Be kind to yourself.  
Allow yourself some grace in this process. Finding the right balance for you can take some time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?

Allow tweaking to perfect your balance. If you fall off the wagon, just jump back on. As we talked about earlier, if you aren’t comparing yourself to someone else, you won’t beat yourself up as bad.

Today, more than ever, the lines of balance are blurred.  A lot more is expected of us, both by others and ourselves. Creating a life of balance is critical to our well-being and as models to future generations.

Which steps in finding balance do you struggle with the most?

Do you have some helpful ideas to add to the list here?

I would really love to hear from you. Please comment in the box below.

Jill xo

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Gratitude in a Virtual World

There are 829 million daily active users on Facebook today.

What are we all doing there?

We are either sharing, watching others share, snooping, or a  little of each.

We share milestones: Births. Deaths. Job changes. Relationship status updates. The list goes on.

We share beautiful sunsets, what we ate for lunch, funny memes, how many goals our awesome kids scored, and ALS bucket dousing videos. The list goes on.

What do we tend to steer away from sharing? The awful fight we got in with our spouse or best friend, the ginormous zit on our chin, the failed test, the feelings of despair after you get “the call” from the doctor’s office. The list goes on.

Seven days ago, I was challenged on Facebook to list out things I was grateful for each day, for seven consecutive days.

While I don’t often share much about myself on Facebook, this has been a fun exercise.

What have I been most grateful for this past week? Family and friends. The sound of children laughing. My relationship with God. Being flawed, yet still fabulous. Music that rocks my soul. Quality time with my boy before he leaves for college. People who smile. Life-saving blood cells from an umbilical cord that saved my best friend’s life.

Today is the last day of sharing my heart on this seven-day gratitude challenge.

Here were the words I shared on Facebook today:

Today I am super grateful, proud and nervous to announce the birth of…

…MY BLOG.

For those of you that know me, I hope I didn’t dash your expectations for a moment that I might be birthing another human-being! Are you kidding?! I’ve got my only offspring headed to college any minute. What will this empty nester have time for now?

Writing… HERE .

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” Ernest Hemingway

I have imagined starting a personal and business development (think life-coach/teacher) website for several years. Like many of us tend to do, I pushed that idea back in the dusty corner that doesn’t receive much attention.

Until now. My dream has officially been dusted off, semi-polished and I’m throwing glitter in the air!

My goal in writing this blog is to provide a virtual space that will be a place of inspiration, encouragement and education. A place to ask questions and share ideas. (To gain a sense of why I might like to provide such a place, click here to read a little about my personal and professional background.)

I should let you know…

THIS post wasn’t the post I planned to launch my blog with. I actually wrote an extensive article on living a life of purpose and passion. I even created a printable goal sheet to go with that post! (The geek in me will tend to rear its head from time to time here—no apologies.) I hope you will find that particular post very helpful in the future. HINT: Subscribe to this blog and it will magically arrive in your inbox each week.

With this being the last day of my gratitude challenge and the launch of this website, how could I NOT write about gratitude and the effect it has on our lives.

Whether you choose to share in a public format or simply write in a journal each day, I encourage you to express your gratitude daily. It will change your life.

Choosing gratitude each day is not always easy, but with practice you will find that it is possible to be grateful even in the most difficult of circumstances.

John F. Kennedy once said, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

Express Gratitude Today

If you choose to subscribe to this blog, you will hear from me once (maybe twice) per week. I will try to bring value to your life with the thoughts and information I share. I hope you, in turn, will contribute your thoughts and ask questions for us to ponder in the comment section below each post.

I would be honored if you would put your name and email in the subscription box and see where this journey takes us.  Jill xo

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