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One Gesture That Will Change The World

There are two kinds of people.  Those that remember names and those that don’t.  The first group will meet you once, then see you in the grocery store three months later, and say hello to you by name.  People who remember your name make you feel special, don’t they?

The other type (that’s me), can go into a social situation with a sincere intention to remember names, but fail miserably.  I’ve tried all the tricks:  there’s the old “meet and repeat” trick in which you say their name multiple times during the conversation.  The problem is, when I do this it makes me feel like an inauthentic salesperson.  Then there’s the association trick:  You meet a lady named Cathy Smith, so you might imagine a cat doing some blacksmith work.  This never works for me because when I try to recall my association, I’ll remember a bird on a boat or something completely unrelated!  (If you’re interested in trying out some techniques for remembering names, Forbes has a good list here .)

Bottom-line: Why is it important to remember names?  Because it’s a good way to connect with others, develop relationships, and it shows you care.

Whether you’re good at remembering names or not, I have another idea that every single person will be able to do immediately without any training or practice, and this one act has the power to change the world.

Interested?

Next time you shake someone’s hand, hold their hand in yours, look them in the eyes, and silently say a prayer or a blessing for them.  (NOTE: This works awesome with hugs too!)

Just a simple word or phrase:

“Bless her.”
“Help him.”
“Peace.”
“Love.”
“Give her strength.”
“Protect her.”
“Thank you.”

This simple practice, which doesn’t take longer than a second or two, is a powerful act of good will that I learned from Dr. Lloyd John Ogilvie, Chaplain of the United States Senate (1995-2003).

Friends, in a world where so many of our interactions are digital, it’s more important than ever to be intentional with our in-person, actual physical interactions, and what better way than this?

Ok, it’s your turn.  I challenge you to try this with three different people in the next couple days.  Don’t be shy in patting your grocery-bagger on the shoulder and sending up a prayer/blessing.  I’d love to hear back from you after you’ve done this.  Was it hard, awkward, surprisingly easy, fun?

Thanks for your part in making this world a better place!

Have an awesome day!

Jill xx

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The Power of One Single Word

What do you think about this concept?  “What you think about, you bring about.”

What if you could set in place an intentional and focused effort to think about one single word for the next year that would shape your reality?

Courage.  Faith.  Strength.  Hope.  Adventure.  Happiness.  Calm.  Grateful.  Focus.

This one word would be like an anchor thought.  When you go to bed at night, you’d think about this word.  When you rise in the morning you’d think about this word.  When you’re stuck in traffic and someone cuts you off, you’d think about this word.  When you’re happy, sad, or mad…you’d think about this word.

At times your word would perfectly describe your circumstances.  Other times, this word would seem to be completely unattainable.  Either way, you choose to draw on the strength and purpose of the word to guide your steps.

Awesomely enough, three guys actually wrote a book about the idea of choosing One Word for the year to define, anchor, and be “the driving force” in your life.

People all over the world have tried this concept out and have benefited from focusing on a single word for a single year.  Lives have been transformed!

Dan Britton, Jimmy Page, and Jon Gordon tell us in their book, “One Word creates clarity, power, passion and life-change. The simple power of One Word is that it impacts all six dimensions of your life – mental, physical, emotional, relational, spiritual, and financial.”

Whether you’re a goal-setter, a New Year’s resolution-er, or none of the above…setting your thoughts on one word for the year cannot be a bad thing.

Friends, I think it’s clear what we ought to do here.  Let’s pick a word and see what happens!

My word for 2016 is: Joy.

I vow to run my circumstances through my JOY lens in 2016.

If you decide to choose a word, too, will you please share your word with me (really, with us…others reading the comments may find inspiration for their word through your word)?

Here’s to experiencing focus, clarity, and purpose with ONE WORD for 2016!

Have great day!

JOYfully,

Jill xx

Let’s help others to realize the gift of choosing ONE WORD….pass this post along.

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How To Avoid Breaking Your New Year’s Resolution

As the New Year approaches, many of us will be setting goals and making resolutions.  There’s nothing like a fresh start, a clean slate, and a new beginning!

The problem is, only 8% of those that set these goals and resolutions will succeed.  Only 8 people out of 100!

In my experience, waiting until January 1 to get started on my goals and resolutions has just been another form of procrastination.

I’m a firm believer in goal-setting, but I’m also a firm believer in the power of just getting started and taking small steps to move toward those goals.

Friends, each and every day is an opportunity to create change in your life that will bring about fulfillment and allow you to make a greater impact.  Why wait?

I’ve got an idea!  I believe if we set our intention and get started today, we are far less likely to be one of the 92 people in that failure category for New Year’s resolutions.  We’re 19 days out from the New Year, so that means we’ve got 19 days to create some pretty serious momentum.

Curious as to the top 10 commonly broken New Year’s resolutions?

Here’s Time magazine‘s list:

  • Lose Weight and Get Fit
  • Quit Smoking
  • Learn Something New
  • Eat Healthier and Diet
  • Get Out of Debt and Save Money
  • Spend More Time with Family
  • Travel to New Places
  • Be Less Stressed
  • Volunteer
  • Drink Less

Read more

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Surviving the Holidays Despite Family Drama

Have you noticed that there is often much grunting and groaning going on as people talk about their holiday plans with family?

Now for those millions of you that have a perfect family (or so Facebook tells us), you can just pray for those that experience a bit of family drama over the holidays!  : )

Here’s a sampling of paraphrased statements I’ve heard over the years:

“The last thing I want to do is sit at the table with Uncle Jerry as he gets drunk and starts telling all my mom’s secrets!”

“Why do we have to feel so split?!  We have to go to my parents’ house first and then load everyone up and go to my dad’s house.  Why do we have to stick with a stupid tradition when it’s so hard on our family?!”

“Our family is falling apart.  Why must we get together with our fake smiles on and try and pretend it’s not?!”

“My mother insists in helping me out in the kitchen, but I can’t do ANYTHING right!!  Why do I even bother?!  Oh, yeah, because it’s MY house and MY kitchen!” 

“My grandma will not let up on when I’m going to ‘supply’ her with another great-grandchild!  Seriously, she won’t stop!!!!” 

“With my family, it’s all about who can outdo the other in giving gifts!  I feel like we sit around being greedy and feeding our selfish interests.  It’s sickening!

I’m sure some of you could add a few choice phrases to this list, too

They read kind of funny here, but when it’s happening to you, it’s not so funny, is it?

The holidays should be a wonderful opportunity to gather with those you love, celebrate the reason for gathering, and create sweet memories.

The sad truth is, many families, this time of year, experience stress instead of times of joy.

Friends, we can only control what we can control, and that is: how we react to situations.

Here are four tips to surviving the holidays and actually coming away with some good memories:

Set healthy boundaries.  This is key!  Decide where you will go and how much time you will spend there, and stick with your plan.  Whether you’re attending a holiday party or going to your parent’s house for Christmas dinner, agree on a plan, stick with it, and don’t feel guilty or feel the need to explain the boundaries you have set to anyone else.

Take the high road/Bite your tongue/Pick your battles.  I was going to write about these three separately, but really they go together, don’t they?  I know that when someone says or does something that riles me up, the next words out of my mouth may not be the most gracious and tender, so besides practicing deep breathing and taking the family dog for multiple “therapy walks” during your family gathering, try this:  Anticipate possible “situations” that may arise and spend some time thinking about how you can: 1. Stay away from certain topics (politics and religion to name a couple!), 2. Refrain from commenting on conversations that will only bring about division or get you nowhere, and 3. Strategically move a conversation/situation in a healthy direction.

Extend love and grace.  At any given point, most of us are struggling with something inside that may manifest itself in an ugly way.If you remind yourself that someone may be acting like a jerk because they’re missing a loved one, they’re struggling with an addiction, or they’re unhappy because of their crappy job, it gives you a whole different perspective.  This does not mean you are deeming their behavior as acceptable, but if you can view it in this light, you will be able to extend love and grace in an authentic way, which may turn their behavior around altogether.  Try it!  Even if it doesn’t change anyone’s behavior, you’ll feel better about how you responded.

Remember the things you are most grateful for.  So, if you find yourself sitting at the table with your drunk Uncle Larry spouting off, tune him out and turn to this gratitude practice:  Look around the room and begin compiling an internal list of things you’re grateful for.  Who knows, you may even be able to feel grateful that Uncle Larry didn’t monopolize the ENTIRE evening this year–only part of it.  This may feel like you’re grasping for straws, but trust me, it truly helps.  An attitude of gratitude changes everything!

And last, but not least, if all else fails, become a permanent fixture at the kid’s table and ignore the drama that ensues around you!

Here’s to creating beautiful memories (even if they resemble a page out of the Griswold family photo album) and remembering that we can only control what we can control…our reactions.

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me here today.

If you liked this post, please share with your friends, family, and co-workers.

Jill xx

 

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1 Year Blog Anniversary!

I cannot believe I published my first blog post a year ago (September 2014)!  It’s been fun, hard, exciting, and nerve-wracking all at the same time.  You’ve been there with me, so I hope you’ll join me today in celebrating my 1 year blog anniversary today!    

I didn’t realize the impact that writing and publishing a blog every week for 52 weeks, all the while holding down a full-time job, would have on my life.  Not only have I become more comfortable with writing, but I’ve grown and have been stretched in ways that I never would have expected…ways that have made me a better person.

I’m so grateful for this last year.

When I first set out to write this blog, my plan was to put my 18 years marketing experience to work and help small businesses with developing online marketing strategies.  The crazy thing was that as I drafted a few posts, my mind would wander and I’d begin to write completely different content.

I began writing for a reader who was in need of guidance or insight on regular life stuff.  Instead of sharing business strategies, the strategies I was sharing were ways to overcome obstacles like limiting beliefs and fear, tools and practices to bring clarity about life purpose, ideas and exercises to ignite inspiration—always leaving off with actionable steps that could be taken immediately to live a more fulfilled life.

These are the things that have flown from my “pen,” and I have loved every minute of it.  So, whether you’ve been with me since week one, or you came along somewhere else along the line, I thank you for spending time with me each week.  Your comments, questions, encouragement, and willingness to share my blog with others has made this entire year all the better.  I hope to see more of you in the coming year!

To commemorate this last year, I’ve linked up all my posts here in one spot.  If you’ve missed one, would like to revisit one, or would like to share one, this is the place to peruse.

Before you take a look at the list below, I’d like to share something new that I’m going to offer this year.  It’s a 7-day challenge that will change your life.  It will!  If you’re dealing with stress, feeling overwhelmed, or just need some clarity and focus in your life, this challenge is for you.

I’ll be launching the 7-day challenge soon.  It’s free, so if you’re not already on my email list, sign up now so you don’t miss the opportunity to participate.  Just fill in your name and email in the box at the bottom of this post and I’ll be sending information about the challenge in the next few weeks.

Thanks again friends!  It’s been awesome and I’m looking forward to hearing more about your life success stories in the future!

Week 1:  Gratitude in a Virtual World

Week 2:  The Beauty of Living a Life of Balance

Week 3:  How to Stop Your Negative Self-Talk From Bullying You

Week 4:  5 Lessons We Can Learn About Life From Appollos Hester

Week 5:  Tips for Empty Nesters

Week 6:  When a Loved One Needs Assisted Living

Week 7:  Reboot Your Life

Week 8:  Why We Procrastincate and How To Stop!

Week 9:  It’s Scary What a Smile Can Hide

Week 10:  Losing the Moment When Taking Pictures

Week 11:  Finding the Extraordinary in the Ordinary

Week 12:  Dream Big!

Week 13:  Dreams Can Come True

Week 14:  Being a Person of Influence

Week 15:  Overwhelmed by the Holidays

Week 16:  Grief During the Holidays

Week 17:  How to Set and Achieve Your Goals in the New Year

Week 18:  Overcoming Slumps, Depression, and the Blues

Week 19:  It’s Never Too Late For a Kind Word

Week 20:  Treat Each Day Like a Special Occasion

Week 21:  Never Stop Learning

Week 22:  Creating a Sanctuary in Your Home

Week 23:  Why You Should Act More Like a Child

Week 24:  Learn The Best Way to Show Your Love

Week 25:  The Benefits of Being a Good Neighbor

Week 26:  The Power of Ugly Words

Week 27:  Get Back on Track After Falling Off The Wagon

Week 28:  VIDEO:  5 Steps To Overcoming Difficult Obstacles

Week 29:  Taking Care of Yourself Before You Crash and Burn

Week 30:  How Saying No Will Improve Your Life

Week 31:  The Art of Delegation

Week 32:  Lessons Learned: Perspective From an Adult Child of An Alcoholic

Week 33:  Combat Fear and Shame By Sharing Your Story

Week 34:  Taking Time To Develop My Passion In San Diego

Week 35:  VIDEO:  4 Steps To Living An Authentic Life

Week 36:  Please Take My 2015 Reader Survey

Week 37:  How Accountability Will Save You From Overwhelm

Week 38:  Mind Mapping: Who Should Use It And Why

Week 39:  When Quitting Is A Decision That Will Enrich Your Life

Week 40:  How To Stop Hurting The People You Love The Most

Week 41:  Letter to A Graduate

Week 42:  How To Take Those Lingering Project And Get Them Done

Week 43:  VIDEO:  How Changing Specific Words You Use Every Day Will Greatly Impact Your Life

Week 44:  Journaling…The Benefits, Methods, and Ideas

Week 45:  3 Steps To Cultivate And Grow Your Relationships

Week 46:  VIDEO:  The Definition of Success — A 10 Year Old’s Perspective

Week 47:  Top 5 Online Etiquette Rules and A Challenge

Week 48:  Removing Limiting Beliefs From Your Life

Week 49:  VIDEO:  How To Deal With The Grief You Are Experiencing Today

Week 50:  How To Create A Vision Board in 3 Easy Steps

Week 51:  Are You Comfortable In Your Own Shoes

Week 52:  Time is Short…How Are You Spending Yours?

Have a great day and I hope to see you in my free 7-day challenge!

Jill xx

P.S.  If you’re the sharing type, please, please, please share this post.  Surely someone you know could benefit from at least one of the 52 posts I have listed out here.  Appreciate you!

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Time is Short…How Are You Spending Yours?

In the blink of an eye, something happens that changes everything:

You lose someone important in your life…
The baby you held in your arms heads off to college…
Your marriage dissolves…
The 5 pound gain turns to 40…
A parent’s health begins to decline…
20 years has passed by and you’ve yet to…

Time is short…it either passes us by, with what seems like warp speed, or creeps up on us and catches us by surprise.

Today, I’d like you to spend the next few minutes–or if you have it, the next hour or two–answering the six questions below.  You may want to work through all in one sitting or spread them out over the next week.  I have included exercises with each area, so feel free to use those as a guide through this process.

The point is for us to take inventory of our lives and see how we can make the most out of our precious time.

Here we go…

MAKING AN IMPACT:  How do you want to be remembered?  What will your legacy be?  How will your obituary read?

Exercise:  Write your own obituary.  You could take it from two approaches:  Write it as it would truthfully read today and see where you see “impact holes.”  Secondly, you could write out the obituary that you’d love to see.  Either way, find the impact areas you haven’t accomplished yet, and begin to work toward implementing those in your life.

CULTIVATING RELATIONSHIPS:  Are you taking steps to nurture and grow your most important relationships?

Exercise:  Write a list of names of your most important relationships.  Now think about how those relationships could be enriched.  Some relationships will be fine as is, others may need a little TLC.  Try not to overcomplicate things either.  Nurturing a relationship can be as simple as texting one of the people on your list every couple of weeks, another may be to make a walking date every month, another to get together every three months for a fun weekend.  The point of this exercise is not to overwhelm your schedule, it is to bless you and those you are in relationship with.

LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS:  Have you pushed your dreams to the back burner?  Are you stuck trying to figure out how to make your dream a reality?

Exercise: Write out your big dream and then write out the first 10 steps that could begin to make your dream a reality.  Oftentimes the biggest stumbling block to not living out a dream is not starting because the process seems overwhelming or unrealistic.  When you write out these 10 steps you’ve now got a “to-do” list broken out into digestible steps that you can begin working on.  Maybe you have a dream to travel to Europe.  Step 1 might be to research areas you’d like to see.  Step 2 to look into cost of flights and accommodations. Step 3 to set a budget.  Step 4 to set your dates.  Etc. etc.

LOSING CONTROL:  Are you trying to control things that are not within your control?  You’re fighting a losing battle, my friend.

Exercise:  Write out the things you struggle to control most.  Look at your list and see which of these you have the ability and power to control…circle those.  Now draw a line or a big X through the others.  Work on the ones you have circled and let go of those you have crossed out.

NOT WORRYING AROUT TOMORROW:  “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has its own worries.”  This quote is so true.  Worrying about anticipated threats is a complete waste of your time and energy.

Exercise:  Write a list of the things you worry about most.  With each item, write out possible solutions.  If there are no solutions, then work on staying in the present moment.  Worrying ties in with letting go of the things you cannot control: both these areas are some of the hardest to overcome, but very critical to living a fulfilled life.

PAYING ATTENTION TO YOUR HEALTH:  How’s your physical health?  How about your emotional health?  Are you eating right, exercising, and sleeping well?  Are you filling your mind with positive thoughts?

Exercise:  Include non-negotiables in your schedule to keep yourself healthy.  Schedule exercise, time to prepare healthy meals, and proper sleep.  If you struggle with emotional issues, schedule non-negotiable time for counsel, for exercise, and the other things to work on getting healthy.  Put these things in your calendar today.

A lot to think about, but remember time is short, so don’t delay in making your time on this earth the best it can be.

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me here today.

If you found this post helpful, please share with your friends and co-workers.

Have a great day!

Jill xx

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Removing Limiting Beliefs From Your Life

There’s a story in the Bible about a man named Moses who, one day, God personally asked to go talk to the leader of Egypt (who, by the way, was not the most friendly fella) and ask him to release His (God’s) people.  These people (some say as many as 2 million) from Israel had been in captivity for 400 years and had become slaves in this country, so chances are this leader was probably not just gonna let them go on their merry way without a fight.

As you can imagine, Moses gave every excuse in the book as to why he shouldn’t/couldn’t do this for God.  I’m sure he was nervous to approach the leader of this country, but Hello!! — the one and only Almighty God was asking him to do this– this wasn’t just some friend asking for a favor!

Fear and insecurity got the best of Moses, so, to help out with that, God showed him some amazing miracles he could perform that would prove God had sent him, in case the leader didn’t believe him.  After all this, Moses, all set for success, pulled out yet another reason why he shouldn’t be the one to perform this task.  Here’s what he said, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”  This is where I imagine Moses is getting on God’s very last nerve, but God, in all His grace, decided to let Moses’ brother Aaron go along with him to be his mouthpiece.

The story goes on and it’s a doozy (Moses and Aaron do complete their task, by the way), but what I’d like to point out about this story is what Moses was experiencing that day—a case of limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs. 

We all experience them.  Sometimes things we’d like to do just don’t seem possible.  We may have an idea that goes against all logic, so we put it behind us before giving it a fair shot.  We ultimately convince ourselves that we don’t have the capacity to achieve certain things, even though we very well may be able to.

The reason I use Moses as an example here is because if a guy, that the God of the Universe was audibly asking to do something, and telling him He would help him with the task, still couldn’t believe in himself, then we are all certainly bound to experience a limiting belief or two from time to time.

Limiting beliefs dictate how we think, how we feel, and how we behave.  The power they have over our lives can be immensely defeating.

First, let’s take a look at some typical statements that cue limiting beliefs and then we’ll discuss several ways to overcome these beliefs so that each of us is striving to live our fullest potential.

LIMITING BELIEF STATEMENT CUES:

I could never…
I’m not good enough to…
I’m not smart enough to…
I don’t have enough time to…
I shouldn’t…
I’m not skilled enough to…
I wouldn’t know how to start, so…
I don’t have enough money to…
I don’t have a college degree, so…
I don’t deserve to…
I don’t know how to __________, so I can’t…
I’m too old to…
I’m worthless.

Read through those again.  Does one in particular look familiar?  Have you used any of these statements in the past?  Are you using them now?

Let’s take a look at six ways to overcome the limiting beliefs that may be hindering you from reaching your fullest potential.

OVERCOMING LIMITING BELIEFS

Learn from past failures.  Don’t allow past failures to dictate your present or your future.  These failures and mistakes should be used as prime opportunities to learn and grow.  Haven’t you noticed how the biggest lessons you’ve learned in life have come from being on the other side of a bad decision?  The key is to be able to pinpoint what went wrong and how it could be done differently in the future.  Learn, grow, and give yourself a little grace, friends.

Replace negative voices in your head with positive affirmations.  You know these darn voices have a way of creeping in and making you feel “less than,” or even worse, “less-than less than.”  Because these are involuntary voices, we not only want to be reactive (say something affirming to yourself the second the voice pops up), but we should be proactive as well, by stating positive affirmations every day, regardless of how you’re feeling that day.

Another approach could be to ask a question directed at the negative voice.  For example, let’s say my inner-voice said, “You are terrible at writing!  Who would want to read what you have to say??”  I could come back with the following question for myself: “Have I ever helped anyone with the content on my blog?”  My answer would be “yes,” so that helps to shoot down or point out the lie the negative voice is projecting.
NOTE:  I wrote an article titled, “How to Stop Your Negative Self Talk From Bullying You.” In it, I discuss the impact of negative self-talk and four specific ways to overcome your own voice when it bullys you — click here to read.

Let go of the naysayers in your life.  You probably have someone that comes to mind immediately, as you read this.  There are people who have a tendency to either suck the life out of you or see everything through a negative lens.  I firmly believe you should cut out or at least substantially minimize your interactions with these type of people.  If you don’t, they’ll weigh you down and limit your potential for positive growth.       

Invite emotionally healthy people in your life.  As some relationships fall away, others will blossom and grow.  Jim Rohn always said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  Makes sense doesn’t it?  Who do you spend time with?  Who are the top “influencers” in your life?  When we surround ourselves with people we respect and admire, they’re bound to rub off on us, right?  Yes, they will, and hopefully you’ll rub off on them too. : )  Iron sharpens iron, friends!

Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.  It’s when we step out of our comfort zone that we are able to experience real growth.  It doesn’t have to be a HUGE step either—small steps allow us to ease into new things without fear taking hold and throwing us back.

Obviously, you don’t want to live in a constant state of being outside your comfort zone—there is much good that takes place in the comfy zone too!  Find a good balance and think about the steps you take as adventures and growth opportunities.

Practice gratitude verbally or in written form every single day.  Expressing gratitude is associated with greater happiness, and when you make it a daily habit, the benefits are 100-fold!  Whether you write three things down each day in a journal or you say them out loud, your perspective on life will change.  You’ll become aware of the little things in life that we oftentimes take for granted, and by becoming aware of these things, you will experience more joy in your life.

I urge you to take steps today to begin the work of overcoming the limiting beliefs in your life.  Don’t let the “I don’t have time” belief take you away from this!  You deserve better.

As always, I appreciate you hanging out with me today.

Jill xx

P.S.  If you’ve found this post helpful, would you please share with those you care about?

Also, if you’re not subscribed to my blog, don’t leave without doing so.  It’s free, and you’ll receive a new post delivered right into your email inbox every Saturday morning.

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The Definition of Success – A 10 Year Old’s Perspective

Today, I’ve got a real treat for you!

Recently, my 10-year old niece, Lauren, was visiting from Texas and she asked me if we could “do a blog.”  She had seen that I’ve done some video blogs, and because the kids today are all about watching YouTube videos, she thought it would be fun.

I asked her what she was interesting in doing and she said that she’d like to do a video talking about animals and nature.  I explained to her, while I love talking about those things, the people that read my blog might be more interested in hearing about her perspective on some of the big questions that grown-ups ponder.

You know, the BIG questions, like: What is the meaning of life? What is success? How do you find your life’s purpose?

I explained to her that sometimes grown-ups can over-complicate things, and it would be good to hear a kid’s unadulterated perspective on these subjects.

Well, Lauren thought this would be great, so she and I worked on a list of questions and she chose this one: What is the definition of success and what does it mean to you? Read more

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3 Steps to Cultivate and Grow Your Relationships

“Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden.   Time, effort and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.” – Jim Rohn

I love this quote!  The words Mr. Rohn uses have such vivid imagery: cultivated…imagination…summoned…flourishing…growing.  He points out that human relationships, just like a garden, require time, effort, and imagination to flourish and grow, but did you notice these two words (their significance slipped past me when I first read the quote):  summoned and constantly?  That means the actions we take in our relationships are not a one-time thing–we must be intentional and diligent when it comes to the tending of our relationships–the time, effort and imagination must be summoned constantly.

If you’ve ever had a garden, you know the amount of work it takes to plan, plant, maintain, and harvest it.

Friends, if we don’t pay close attention to our relational “gardens,” the weeds will take hold and choke out the potential for beauty and bounty.

Do you have weeds threatening to take over your “garden”?  Have the weeds infiltrated the relationships with your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends?

The good news is that, today, each of us has an opportunity and the ability to get in our “gardens,” get the weeds out, and let the flourishing begin!

Let’s take Mr. Rohn’s lead and break it down in three parts: Time, Imagination, and Effort.

Time:  Relationships require time to develop, grow, and thrive.  Regardless of who we are, or what we do, we all have exactly 168 hours in each week.  Every single one of us is able to carve out time to devote to our relationships.

If you’re reading this and tensing up right now because you can’t imagine where you’ll find any extra time to do anything else, then I suggest you make a list of all that you do and see what really needs your attention and what you can get rid of or move around in order to make room for something as important as a relationship with someone you love.

In years past, I was the “volunteer queen,” doing a little bit of everything for everyone that asked.  Guess what suffered?  My relationship with my husband.  Because he’s not much of a squeaky wheel, I had to mostly figure this out on my own, but am I ever thankful I did!  My stumbling block was that because I was “doing good” and helping people, I thought that those things needed to take top priority in my schedule.  This isn’t true.  I learned the importance of protecting and cultivating our most important relationships, and by doing so, everything else will fall into place, including “doing good.”  I still find time to volunteer, but I’m careful to be realistic with the time I have available, and I use the word “no” more often so I don’t overcommit.

Imagination:  This is the fun part!  Use your imagination and think outside the box for ways to cultivate and enrich your relationships.

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, writes of the importance of discovering the “love language” of those you are in relationship with (spouse, kids, friends, parents) in order to express your love most effectively.  Believe me, figuring this out will be a huge benefit for your relationships.  Click here to read an article I wrote on this topic – in it I share how I discovered my husband’s love language – it goes along with our gardening theme today!

Once you understand the love language of those you are in relationship with it will help direct your thinking so that you can let your imagination go wild and come up with some fun ideas to express your love!  This is important, because one person might feel loved when you spend time working on a home project with them, another may prefer to be showered in gifts, and another may just want to hold your hand while you stroll through a park.

Effort:  Yes, even the best relationships take effort to develop and maintain.  Depending on the type of relationship and what’s going on in that relationship at the time, this might mean you’ve got some hard work ahead of you.  If that’s the case, just take it one day at a time, keep your head up and before you know it, you’ll be able to look back and see all the progress you’ve made.

On the other hand, there are times when the fruits of your imagination require effort that is fun and exciting.  Enjoy the process!

That’s it!  Time, imagination and effort = flourishing relationships.

Now, let’s put what we’ve talked about to use.  Before you move on to the next part of your day:  1. Pick one person you’d like to cultivate the relationship of, 2. Figure out their love language, 3. Schedule something that will benefit your relationship, 3. Repeat over time, 4. Enjoy the fruits of your “labor!”

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me here today!  If you found value in this post, please make sure to share it with others.

Here’s to your relationships growing and flourishing!

Jill xx

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Journaling…The Benefits, Methods and Ideas

Dear Diary,

I’m feeling a little blue today.  I don’t know why, but maybe the lack of sunshine has something to do with it, or maybe it’s my sister!  We got in a fight today.  She can be sooo emotional and rude!!  I wish she’d move to Timbuktu.  Later today I’m going to the mall with Beth and Maryanne.  I hope I have a good time!  I’ve saved up $14 and I’m going to the pet store to see if I can get a turtle.  Mom’s calling…gotta go…   

If you’re female, this journal entry probably looks, or at least sounds, familiar.  I made this particular entry up, but I remember as a child the power of being able to write all your “young-self” thoughts and dreams down in a pretty little journal—mine, equipped with its own lock and key!

It’s been a few decades since I wrote in my first journal and over the years journaling has come in and out of my life.  Today, I have three different journals that I write in–a writing journal that I mind-map my ideas for future blog posts, a daily gratitude and goal journal, and a prayer journal.

No matter your age or gender, the process of journal writing can be very beneficial.  So much so, that I’m going to share with you the top five benefits of journaling, a wide variety of topics to journal on, and I’ll discuss physical and online tools for journaling and the importance of your journaling environment.

Let’s get started!

FIVE WAYS JOURNALING WILL BENEFIT YOU

Protect Your Sanity and Your Relationships.  Journaling can be like having your own built-in therapist.  There are times when it’s more productive and ultimately healthier for you to dump your unfiltered thoughts out on a page in your journal rather than dumping those thoughts out on your spouse, your friend, or your colleague.  Don’t you hate it when something comes out of your mouth that later you wish you could take back, but by then, the damage is done?  Some things are definitely better left unsaid, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and work through those emotions with pen and paper.

Processing.  As I mentioned earlier, I use a journal to mind-map my writing ideas.  This has proven to be a fantastic way for me to creatively process and brainstorm ideas in a way that “just thinking” about them doesn’t.

On the other hand, processing may come in the form of working through emotional stuff that’s going on in your life, like I mentioned in the first benefit above.  Processing will generally bring clarity and a fresh perspective.

Hindsight is 20/20.  We can learn much from past experiences—good and bad.  This is of particular benefit when you use a “project” journal (more on this later).  When you journal through a project you will later be able to see what worked and where things may have gone wrong.  The details will usually appear more clearly when you’ve taken a few steps away from the actual experience.

This 20/20 hindsight vision can also be an awareness tool for unhealthy patterns that come up in our relationships.  For example, if you are in an unhappy or abusive relationship and you take a look back over your last year of journaling and see that you didn’t have one good day, then that written reminder may give you the strength and courage to get help or leave the relationship.

Time Capsule.  Your journals are a snapshot of times gone by.  Even if you have an excellent memory, you will never be able to remember all that you capture in your journals.  Whether you’re looking back to see how far you’ve come on a personal or professional level, or to remember the details of a trip you took years ago, a journal is an excellent way to preserve your thoughts, life’s milestones, and memories.  Journals can also be precious pieces of history to pass down to your children or other family members.  We’ll discuss privacy concerns later.

Deepening of Faith.  I have a friend that writes to God in her journal every day.  Getting things out of your head and heart and out on paper is a cathartic exercise and this type of daily communication to God has enriched her faith life profoundly.  She inspired me to start my own prayer journal, and although I am not as consistent as she is, I too, find this process enjoyable and rewarding.

NOT SURE WHAT TO JOURNAL ABOUT?
10 Ideas to Get You Started Today…

Personal Journal.  This is probably the type of journaling that most people think about when they hear the word journaling.  This style of journaling is a great way to pour your heart out and process through things going on in your life.  If necessary, keep your journal under lock and key.  I have a friend who keeps his personal journals in a small locked safe in his house.  His family has been instructed to get rid of the journals if he dies before them.  Not that there’s anything bad in them, it just gives him a sense of peace when he’s writing that he can be totally authentic and not worry about someone reading what he writes.  (Make sure to read about Journal Privacy rules below.)

Travel Journal.  You won’t regret journaling during your travels.  Not only will this type of journal serve as a memories scrapbook, but you can always go back and retrieve information for future visits or to share with others traveling to the same area.  Make sure to include favorite restaurants, hikes, monuments, hotels or B&Bs, bookstores, etc. in your journal.

Food or Dinner Party Journal.  Years ago, my mom used to keep a journal of dinner party details–who was there, what she served, and notes that might be helpful for next time those same guests came again.  This type of journal would be great for passing down to your kids too.  I don’t know where my mom’s journal went, but I’d sure love to have it.

Gratitude Journal.  Life is good when you consistently express your gratitude.  As I mentioned earlier, I have one journal that I jot down a few things I’m grateful for every day.  A gratitude journal is fun to look back at over the years, because you’ll see times when you were obviously struggling to find things to be grateful for and other times when you write ten items down instead of your typical three.

Writing Journal.  I love my writing journal!  I mind-map most of my blog post ideas in this journal.  This process allows me to brain dump everything out on a page without worrying about editing.  Click here to see an article I wrote titled, “Mind Mapping: Who Should Use it And Why.”

I generally carry my writing journal around with me too.  I don’t know how many times I’ve thought of a great idea to write about and if I don’t have my journal handy, I just hope that I’ll remember it when I get back home.  Nine times out of ten, I forget!  Sometimes I’ll just write one word or phrase down in the middle of a page and come back to mind-map it later.

Project Journal.  Whether it’s a home, work, volunteer project, or something in between, a project journal is a great place to store your ideas, plans, shopping lists, purchase information, etc.  Just like with a travel journal, you can go back to your project journal years later to remind yourself of that specific paint color you used or where you purchased that special lamp the dog just knocked over and broke into 22 pieces.

Goal Tracking Journal.  This is a great tool for personal and professional goal tracking.  I incorporate both gratitude and goal tracking in one of my journals.

Memories of Your Children or Grandchildren’s Lives.  My mother-in-law kept a journal for 12 years with notes from her famous “Grandma’s Summer Camp” that our son attended at her house one week every summer.  She has also keeps a separate journal for each of her grandchildren, full of special memories and thoughts specific to each grandchild.

If I could go back in time, I would have started a journal like this for our son when he was born.  Even if it only included the silly little things only parents care about or “kids say the darndest things” type quotes.  Think about doing this if you have young ones.

Prayer Journal.  Talk to God.  Thank him for your blessings and tell him what’s on your heart.  I have a feeling that more people start these types of journals in times of desperation, and that is good, but if you use this type of journal in the good times too, your relationship with God will have a chance to develop on the mountaintops as well as in the valleys.

Drawing journal.  Maybe you’d rather doodle than write words.  Doodle away, my friends!  Studies have shown that doodling helps improve memory, focus, and brain function.  Doodling is a good way to express feelings too…get those creative juices flowing and see where your doodling takes you.

METHODS OF JOURNALING
There are lots of options when it comes to journaling, from using a regular notebook to a fancy leather bound journal, to capturing your thoughts via an online tool.  Following are some options to consider.

Good ol’ pen and paper.  Check out your local stationery, book, or gift store for a good journal selection.  You can also search online (Google it) to find some unique journals.

Don’t do this: I used to get so caught up in finding the right journal, that I would delay the whole journaling process until I found just the right one.  This is fine if it takes a day or two, but I would go months without finding the right journal!  Trust me on this, just grab a notebook and get started.  If you really want to keep it in a fancy journal you can glue or tape the notebook pages in later when you find the perfect one.

Online Options:
Penzu:  This is the best online journal tool I have found in regards to functionality and design.  It is super user friendly, private and secure, you can add in photos, and they will even email you a daily reminder to write.  I like that it looks like you are actually writing on lined notepaper too!  They have both a free and paid version.  Click here to check it out.

The 5-Minute Journal:  I’ve heard great things about this journal in its traditional book format and now they have an app for less than $5 that backs up your journal entries to your iCloud account.  This journal has five daily writing prompts, and for those that are time pressed, it only takes five minutes per day.  Click here to check it out.

Evernote:  I love Evernote!  Although I’ve never used it specifically for journaling, I would use it if I ever switched from my preferred pen and paper method of journaling.  Evernote appears to have all the same bells and whistles that Penzu does, but you aren’t typing into what looks like lined notebook paper.  Evernote also has both a free and paid version.  Click here to check it out.

Microsoft Word:  A word processing option for not only your home computer but for your mobile devices as well.  Microsoft now has a Cloud storage option so you can access your data anywhere.  Click here to check it out.  If you are a Mac user, click here for info on Pages.

Google Docs:  Another word processing tool similar to Microsoft Word, but it’s online and it’s free.  Accessible on your PC and mobile devices.  Click here to check it out.

FINDING THAT SPECIAL PLACE TO JOURNAL

My environment is super important to me, especially when writing.  Obviously, you can journal most anywhere or anytime, but if you’re able to set aside a special place and specific time each day to journal, you are more likely to get it done and it makes the process more enjoyable.

You might like a cozy, quiet spot to have a hot cup of tea while you journal, while others may prefer a busy coffee shop setting.  However or wherever you do it, the most important thing is to block out time to do it.

JOURNAL PRIVACY…A final word

Don’t EVER read or share someone else’s journal unless you’re invited to.  Please respect the privacy of others.  We really shouldn’t have to use our lock and keys.
There are only two exceptions that I can think of to this important rule:
1.  The journal needs to be used as court evidence for a crime committed.
2.  Someone goes missing or dies and you expect foul play.

I’d love to hear from you.  Do you journal?  What’s your preferred method–are you an old-school pen and paper type or do you prefer online?  Is your environment an important part of your journaling experience?  How often do you journal?  Please share in the comments section below.

As always, I appreciate you spending time here with me today.

Happy journaling!

Jill xx

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