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Overwhelmed by the Holidays?

Tis the season to be…..

Overwhelmed??

Wait a minute.  I thought this was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year!

Each year I see more and more people running around trying to complete an insanely huge list of things they think they should get done during the holiday season.  It’s important to note that most of these people running around do not have smiles on their faces.

Did you know that holiday gift shopping is up 8% from last year and shoppers around the country say they are planning to spend an average of $861?  That’s a lot of money and who decided that more is more!  The upside this year is that 54% of these shoppers will not be adding to the traffic jams around town because they will be making their purchases online.

Whether you are in full overwhelm mode, are in denial of your state of overwhelm, or it’s just about to set in, here are a few suggestions to make this holiday season a little merrier and bright.

Prioritize.  What is the most important thing about the holiday season to you?  Put aside what you think you should do and decide what is truly important to you.  Is it spending time with family?  Volunteering in the community?  Having the best Christmas light show in town?  Make a list and spend your time on the top two to three items.  Chances are those items that fall to the bottom of the list are the culprits that kick you into overwhelm each year.  Get rid of them and don’t feel guilty about it.

Get Rid of the Guilt.  A lot of the guilt we feel during the holiday season is based on not meeting a list of unrealistic expectations.  Guess what?  When you create the priority list above, you are starting fresh and setting your own realistic expectations.  For example, for years I felt guilty when I didn’t send out Christmas cards.  The problem was that I wanted to personalize each and every one and that would take forever, so instead I didn’t do anything at all.  One year I decided to send a card to anyone I loved that was over the age of 80.  I accomplished my Christmas card task that year.  Granted, I only had to send 5 or 6 cards, but I did it.  The key was taking a task and making it manageable and realistic for me.

Curb the Cookie Cussing!  When you are cursing under your breath while baking the 27th batch of cookies, it may be time to step away from the rolling pin!  If you have committed to making cookies for your 27 closest friends, but hate every minute of it—stop it!  Your friends will still love you, even if you don’t deliver cookies to their doorstep this year.  Don’t want to deprive yourself of the entire baking experience?  Maybe making a batch of cookies with your family on Christmas Eve is more manageable and realistic for you.

Party Like It’s 1999 or Not!  Don’t feel that you have to attend every holiday party.  You may get uninvited in future years, I know I have, but adding 22 parties to your already busy schedule can drag you down.  Question?  Why does everyone and their brother choose to throw a party in December anyway?  I know our houses look pretty with all the decorations, but wouldn’t it be great if groups of friends would put the names of all the months in a hat and draw out their designated party month?  This way we would have a nice party to look forward to each month throughout the year!

Be a Blessing to Others.  There are lots of opportunities in each of our communities to be a blessing to those who are less fortunate or lonely.  Consider helping out at a homeless shelter or food bank, sing carols at a nursing home, visit a home-bound person who doesn’t have family around, or donate a gift for a child that may only receive that one gift.

How are you doing this holiday season?  Are you in the overwhelmed category or have you found a good balance?  Tell us about it in the comment section below.

Wishing you each a very peaceful and happy holiday season filled with love!

Jill xx

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Dreams Can Come True

Last week we talked about dreaming big and why many of us do not.

The main reasons I see dreams dashed are: fear, procrastination, and listening to negative talk–either from yourself or others.

Did you notice I didn’t say the main reason people don’t fulfill their dreams is because they don’t have an MBA or gobs of money in the bank?

Following are 8 steps that anyone can use to begin the process of making their dream become a reality.  

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work.” ~ Colin Powell

  1.  Find your passion. Sounds easy doesn’t it? For some people it is.  For the rest of us, it can be a life-time struggle and endless search.

Merriam-Webster defines passion as:  A strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.

With this definition in mind, here are a few questions for you to ponder:

  • What is so exciting that it keeps you up at night?
    Writing, cooking, knitting, opening a restaurant, wanting to help others, drawing, etc.?  You fill in the “blank”.
    NOTE: If you read my last post, you may have already worked on this list.  If not, grab a notepad or journal and jot down some ideas now.
  • Here’s another way to look at it.  What do you get supercharged about?  In conversation, what topic pops up that you just can’t get enough of?  For me, it’s talking to someone about their dreams and goals in life and helping them to figure out a game plan to make it all a reality.
  • What are you curious about?
  • What is most important to you in life?  Stability, adventure, comfort, helping others, tons of money, early retirement, etc.?

What sticks out on your list?  Did something in particular rise to the surface?  Yes?  If so, move on to the next step.

If you didn’t come up with anything earthshaking today, don’t worry.  These questions are good ones to get you thinking and exploring ideas.  Put your list down and come back to it later.  For now, let’s move on to the next step.

  1.  Dreams can come true. Have you admitted to yourself that the ideas and excitement that keep you up at night are part of a dream that could actually become your reality? Sometimes we keep our dreams in a little box that we only allow ourselves to take quick peeks inside before closing it up again.

I dreamed about starting this blog three years before I actually did.  I came up with every imaginable excuse of why it wouldn’t work… you don’t know how to write, who wants to hear what you have to say, stick with helping others figure out how to achieve their dreams–not your own, you don’t have time for any “side” projects.  Want to know the turning point for making my dream of creating this blog come true?  Long story short, I had a neck injury that had me lying flat on my back in pain for several days.  Besides praying for relief, I reflected on what’s important in life.  I realized that writing this blog was something I felt I was meant to do, even if that meant me stepping out of my comfort zone.

  1.  Realize if your dream is just that–a dream (best left on the pillow). If you are 50 years old, have never ice skated, but have decided that you are going to make your Olympic ice skating career a reality, it may be in your best interest to come up with a dream that’s a bit more realistic. The next step (#4) will help reel you in with this one.  You may come to realize that some things are better enjoyed as hobbies.
  2.  Take action. Ok, so now you’ve got a great idea and you are convinced it’s not just a pipe dream. Time to get moving! If you don’t start, you’re not going to get anywhere, are ya? I suggest you define and evaluate your goals by using the S.M.A.R.T goal setting method.

Here’s how to break down the S.M.A.R.T. acronym:

  • SPECIFIC – What do you want to accomplish?  Break it down.  Be very specific.
    Not specific: I will write a book.
    Specific: I will write 2 chapters in my book every week.
  • MEASURABLE – Figure out how to quantifiably measure your goal.  Put some concrete numbers down here.
    Not measureable: I will earn a ton of money when my book is published.
    Measureable: I will earn $175,000 in profit after publishing my first book.
  • ATTAINABLE – Is your goal something that can be achieved within the framework of what you can commit to?
    Not attainable: I will write 14 hours per day while holding down my full-time day job, too.
    Yes: I will spend 2 hours per night devoted to writing.
  • REALISTIC – This goes back to the Olympic figure skating example earlier.  Is your goal realistic within your abilities, experience, etc.?
    Not realistic: I will skate in the next Winter Olympics at the age of 51.
    Realistic: I will take ice skating lessons and join an over 50 ice skating club.
  • TIME BOUND – Every goal should have a deadline.  I have found that when I don’t assign a deadline, the goal will be pushed back to the end of the line time and again.
    Not time bound: I will write two books.
    Time bound: I will write my first book by the end of the year and complete my second book within 18 months following.

I have created a form to help you organize your S.M.A.R.T. goals.  Click here to download your free S.M.A.R.T. goal tracker.

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”  ~ Conrad Hilton

  1.  Let it evolve.  Now that you’ve got your S.M.A.R.T. goals written down, don’t let how you think the plan should play out overrule the organic evolution of “the dream”. Often times we try to control the outcome so much that we miss out on the beauty of the natural creative flow that takes place. Yes, it’s important to write down goals and have a plan of action, but there may be opportunities that present themselves along the way that change the course a bit.  How you get there may change, just keep the end goal in focus!
  2.  Don’t get distracted. Do you tend to have the “shiny object” problem? At times I will be steadily working on a project and decide to stop and check my emails.  The “I’ll just check real quick,” does not work.  The next thing I know, I have responded to several emails, checked Facebook, and it’s an hour later.  Don’t allow yourself to be caught in a time-suck that throws you off your game!  Stay focused!
  3.  Visualize your dreams coming true.  This part is fun! Who hasn’t had the, “What would you do if you won the lottery conversation?” When we visualize a desired outcome, our brains can sense that motivation and new ideas will begin to materialize.  My husband visualized hitting a softball solidly out of the park when we were on an amateur league at my office years ago.  You know what?  Almost every single time he stepped up to bat, he hit it out of the park!  A large part of training takes place when you close your eyes.  Visualizing creates muscle memory.  The same idea can work to help you see your dreams come to fruition.
  4.  Celebrate your successes (even the ones that some people call failures). Cue the Kool & The Gang song… ♪ ♪ Celebrate good times, come on! ♪ ♪  Determine “success milestones” and celebrate your accomplishments. The process of realizing your dreams can be hard work! Go ahead and pat yourself on the back…treat yourself to a large pepperoni pizza…get that mani/pedi—and then get back to work.

On the other hand, learn from your mistakes. Consider your mistakes a gift.  A gift that is used wisely will bring you much success in the future.  The key is to avoid making the same mistakes again and again.

Ok, so now you have 8 steps to get you moving in the right direction to making your dreams come true.

Hold on!  I’m going to add one more important step.  Let’s call it THE GOLDEN BONUS STEP.  This one will take some courage but will pay off.

Here it is…THE GOLDEN BONUS STEP!  Tell me (in the comment section below) what two steps you will take in the next 24 hours to work toward your dream.  Don’t let this step intimidate you.  Maybe your two steps will be to print out the goal setting sheet and spend 15 minutes each day over the next week working on completing the sheet.  That’s awesome!!  As a matter of fact, you can just copy what I just wrote and paste it in the comment section below.  Sometimes just publicly saying you are going to do something, will keep you motivated (and held accountable) when you feel like giving up.

Remember, I am here to offer you direction and encouragement along the way.  If you have questions on anything I have written about here, just ask.  I would love to help you work toward making your dreams come true!

If you found this post helpful, inspiring, or just plain awesome, please be kind and share with others.

Jill xx

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Dream Big!

Is there something really exciting that you would like to do, but have been putting off?  Something you dream about “one day” doing?  You know, something like: writing a book, taking a year off to sail around the world, going back to school for a career change, learning how to play the piano, opening a restaurant, starting a non-profit?

What’s holding you back?

Lack of time?  Lack of resources?  Feeling unqualified?  Fear?

Oftentimes, taking the steps necessary to make our dreams come true are postponed until…the timing is better, there’s more money, it feels less scary, etc.

Have you noticed how time flies when we use these excuses?

Three years ago I had a strong desire to start writing a blog.  Did I do it?  No.  The two main excuses that rattled around in my head were: 1. “I really don’t have time to write with my busy schedule,” and 2. “I’m not a writer.”  First of all, somehow I always found time to watch House Hunters International, so time was not the issue!  Secondly, did I think that writers came out of the womb with a pen in hand writing beautiful prose about their experience in the amniotic sac??

For me, it all boiled down to a dirty four-letter word.

FEAR.

I allowed fear to keep me from doing something I felt passionate about.  I allowed fear to take captive my rational thoughts.  I allowed fear to bully me into thinking I wasn’t worthy to express my ideas through writing.

Well, it took me three years to finally start writing my blog, but I did it!  The operative word here is START.  I know I might look back in a couple years and blush with embarrassment at some of my earliest writing attempts.  You know what?  I’m ok with that, because at least I will have something to look back at.  You know the old saying, if you don’t start somewhere, you’ll get nowhere really fast!

So, what have you been putting off?  Has fear crept in and pushed your dream into a corner?  Are you tired of making excuses of why your dream isn’t possible?

Taking action can be really overwhelming at times.  It helps to have someone (this is where I come in!) walking alongside you offering encouragement and actionable steps as you move closer to your dream.

So today, right now, I encourage you to take the first step.  Don’t worry, this part will be fun!

Over the next several days, set aside time to reflect on what you are passionate about, what gets you excited, what inspires you.  Another way to think about this is what or who do you want to be when you “grow up”?

I suggest you write some things down in a journal or notebook.  Write down words, sentences, ideas, maybe even quotes that inspire you.  Don’t get caught up in the details of “the hows,” just let your imagination run wild!  Dream big!

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” – Gloria Steinem

Next week I will have some specific actionable steps for you to begin working towards making your dream a reality.

So you don’t miss next week’s post, make sure to sign up to receive my blog posts via email.

Don’t let your friends and family miss out on working toward making their dreams come true!  Please share the love by sharing this post with them.

Super excited to see you next week!

Jill xx

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Finding the Extraordinary in the Ordinary

Think about a typical, let’s call it “ordinary” day.  You get up, make the coffee, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, return home, make dinner, do some laundry, watch tv, and go to bed.

Just another ordinary day, right?

Think again.  There’s something extraordinary right in front of you, you just need to know how to find it.

Merriam-Webster defines ordinary in this way:

Ordinary definition

On the other hand, they define extraordinary like this:

extraordinary defintion

I think the folks at Merriam-Webster should add a footnote with both these definitions that says it’s possible to experience the extraordinary in the ordinary.  It’s just a matter of awareness, perception and gratitude.

Let’s take a look at the “ordinary” day I described earlier.  How might we uncover the extraordinary there?

Have another cup of joe: Did you know that coffee beans are actually a fruit called a coffee cherry harvested from coffee trees?  The process from planting the seed, to harvesting (often hand-picked) the cherries three to five years later is only the beginning.  A very detailed process then takes place over the next several months that includes processing, drying, milling and exporting the green beans to a roaster.  The beans are finally packaged and available for sale in your local store or coffee house.  So, as you sip on your delicious coffee each morning, consider the extraordinary efforts that took place to create it.  Enjoy!

Rub-a-dub-dub:  Did you know that 85% of the world population lives in the driest half of the planet? 783 million people do not have access to clean water and almost 2.5 billion do not have access to adequate sanitation.  As you turn on the warm water each morning and lather up with a wonderful scented soap, give thanks for the extraordinary gift that your bathing experience is.

Take the “scenic” route: Most of us spend a good deal of time in our cars, but this works for those of us on a bus or a bike too.  Take a look around.  Note the beautiful leaf color on the trees, the interesting architecture of a house or building, and the way the clouds billow high up in the sky. These things we pass by each day, sometimes without a thought–when seen through a lens of awareness, their extraordinary qualities are revealed.

Just another day at the office: I use lots of technology throughout my day at work–how is it that I become impatient when the internet (the world at my fingertips!) goes down for 5 minutes?  Remember the day when we had to go to the library and utilize the Dewey Decimal system to look something up?  That wasn’t that long ago!  We are in an age in which we are witnessing never before seen technological advances.  These tools we utilize every day, at times taken for granted, are extraordinary.

You get the point.  It’s up to each of us to find the extraordinary in these “ordinary” experiences.  I would argue that we can find the extraordinary in almost anything.

Have an extraordinary day!

I’d love to hear from you.  Look around right now, using your new eyes of awareness, what is the first extraordinary thing you notice?  Please leave your comments below.

Jill xx

Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog.  It’s free and you’ll automatically receive each new post in your email inbox each week.

 

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Why We Procrastinate and How to Stop!

“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.” ― Rita Mae Brown

Who can relate with Miss Rita Mae? My arm is raised up high as I write this!

I have a natural inclination to procrastinate, especially when it comes to non-work related things. As a matter of fact, most Friday nights I am up until the wee hours finishing my Saturday blog post.

Sometimes, I think my best work is done under pressure! Other times–not so much. Let’s face it, procrastination can be painful; it can cause major undue stress.
I once heard someone say that procrastination is like a credit card, it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.

So, why do we procrastinate? Following are six causes of procrastination and some helpful “fixes” for each one.

• Fear.
Fear rears its ugly head so often with procrastinators. These fears are mainly based on two factors:
1. Fear of failure. This can be a tough one to overcome. Our egos get in the way and that voice in our head telling us we are unworthy often speaks louder than the truth.
2. Fear of success. This seems odd, doesn’t it? Who doesn’t want success in their life? Success can actually be quite scary. Just think about the amount of work that could come with your new-found success. How about the new expectations, from yourself and others, that may come along with success?

In either case, fears, founded or not, are powerful and hard to overcome.

The Fix: Put your fears in perspective. Ask yourself, is there a history that substantiates my fear? What is the worst case scenario? Oftentimes, working through these questions will ease your fears. Another thing to do, especially if ‘fear of success’ is stopping you from moving forward, is to create a plan of action for your success. Seriously — without getting too crazy — think about a few scenarios that might come up if your potential success were to come to light, and create a general plan for how you would handle each scenario. Creating this plan will help organize your thoughts and get you motivated! A good plan will have fear shaking in its boots!

• Too Many Distractions.
I am the queen of having 10 internet tabs open at once, 10 emails in process, and 10 apps going at the same time. This can prove to be very distracting. There is a time and a place for multi-tasking, and when you need to really focus, clearing out distractions will not only help to get things done quicker, but the final product will usually be better.

The Fix: Focus on one thing at a time. When I work on my blog posts, I work in a Word document and only visit the internet for research. I don’t allow myself to check Facebook, Twitter, or my email. I even turn off the ringers on my phone. I also close out my email or, at least mute the sound notifications. I don’t know about you, but when I hear that alert announcing a new email, it’s hard to not take a “quick peek”.

• Too much on Your Plate.
Sometimes our schedules can become so packed that we become overwhelmed with even the simplest tasks. People don’t do their best work when frazzled, overworked, or spread too thin.

The Fix: Take a look at your calendar. What can you cut? If I hear you saying you can’t cut one thing, think again. One woman I know decided that with kids, her job, and volunteer activities she needed to cut something out so that her family could have clean clothes and she could get the things done she needed to. That’s right! She decided to pay someone to come in once or twice a week for a few hours to do the laundry. It may sound like something only the rich can afford. Not true. She had to cut back on eating out a bit, but that was worth the benefit of having clean and folded laundry. Figure out the highest and best use of your time and make some changes in your life today.

• Lack of Prioritization.
Some things are more important than others. Some things are more fun to do than others. When you don’t have an order of priority, the general tendency will be to do the easier things first. Easiest does NOT equal top priority!

The Fix: Make a list of “to-do” items you need to get done. I like to draw a square check box next to each item on my list. Placing that check mark in the box upon completion is very fulfilling. Yes, I will admit, I’ve even been known to complete a task that wasn’t on my list and add it to the list just so I could check it off. 

• Lack of Motivation.
There are some things in life that we must do regardless of whether we like doing them or not. Everyone has that one thing that they dread. I have two: cleaning the bathroom and having the oil changed in my car!

The Fix: Remember how you just made your grand “to-do” list and prioritized each task? Consider placing the things you don’t want to do higher in your priority list. Of course, don’t sacrifice important deadlines for other tasks. It’s your list, so no one is going to kill you if you ignore the dreadful tasks, but wouldn’t you rather just get them done and move on? Hold yourself accountable. Remember saying to your friends in school, “I swear to God on the Holy Bible”? Try similar statements to yourself when you’re trying to get stuff done. I use it sparingly, but boy does it hold me accountable! 

• Just Plain Lazy.
You know what I’m talking about. You’ve been there. It’s Saturday morning and all you want to do is stay in your jammies, drink coffee, and do crossword puzzles. I know, I’ve been there too. Sometimes we need this type of downtime and there is nothing wrong with that, but if this is something that seems to be an overriding theme in your life, you may want to consider some alternative Saturday options.

The Fix: If you know you have these tendencies, you may want to make accommodations for downtime in your checklist, so that you get some “lazy” time in your schedule. There’s nothing like lazy-time after you’ve checked a bunch off your “to-do” list!

I hope the suggestions above will help you get moving in the right direction.

Where do you struggle with procrastination?  What tips work for you to help stop procrastination?  Share your comments below.

P.S. I had to get this post done early so I could go camping. Nothing like a little incentive to get ya movin’!

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Reboot Your Life

We’ve all been there.  Our computer locks up or we get some weird error that pops up.  The IT guy tells us to “reboot”.  In most cases, the reboot works like a charm.

Ever felt like you need a reboot in life?

Does one of these scenarios sound familiar?

  • You had a conversation where you stuck your foot in your mouth and wished you could hit the rewind button.
  • You started off your day stubbing your toe when getting out of bed and ended that same day with breaking your favorite lamp.
  • A bad decision you made has gotten worse. ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’ is a cute phrase thrown around, but the reality is that some of our decisions can be a nightmare that we don’t wake up from.
  • A bad mood sets in for no apparent reason, and you just feel down.
  • You are totally overwhelmed with your busy schedule.

If a reboot works for our computers, how much more could a reboot work for our minds, our bodies, and our souls?

Here are some reboot suggestions that can be implemented immediately:

  • Take a walk.
    Research shows increased health benefits with a 30-minute walk per day. It can cut the risk of heart disease, the #1 cause of death of men and women, by 40%!Don’t think you can fit in a consecutive 30-minute walk each day?  Break up your exercise time into three 10-minute walks per day–breaking it up like this is actually more effective for blood pressure control!  After you read this, plan to take a 10-minute walk within the next two hours.  After you take that walk, set up a time for your next.  Make this a habit.  You won’t be sorry.
  • Take a deep breath…or two…or three.
    Deep breathing is a definite stress reliever and you don’t need any special gear or a club membership to do it. Deep breathing gives you more energy (bringing in more oxygen to your body), more focus (especially when you are very intentional with your breathing–you quiet your mind, giving it a break and a reboot!), and deep breathing also activates the parasympathetic nervous system which is critical to your body’s healing and digestion processes.  Try it now.  Breathe in for five seconds and out for five.  Do this three or four times.  Good job!
  • Make a change in your diet.
    It’s no fun feeling sluggish, especially when your sluggishness is caused by the things we choose to ingest.  One quick and easy change to your diet is to incorporate some foods that are not only good sources of magnesium, Omega-3 fatty acids and protein, but are also known to boost brain power!  Some good options are: salmon, avocado, nuts, berries, spinach, and dark chocolate.Now, we all know the types of foods that drag us down.  For me it’s too many carbs!!  I LOVE carbs!  It’s not until I limit (NOTE:  I didn’t say cut out completely) my carb intake that I feel and see the effects.  Here’s an idea.  Make a decision to lay off one or two of the foods that you think might make you feel sluggish and see how you feel after a couple weeks.
  • Just Say “Maybe”
    Are you a “yes” woman or man? I admit, I am a recovering “yes” woman.  For most of my life I would say yes to almost everything asked of me.  I wouldn’t consult my calendar, my already packed schedule, or my husband.  THIS is NOT a good habit.  Remember, a well thought through yes, is 100-times better than 100 knee-jerk yes’s.  My recommendation is to never commit yourself to something without sleeping on it first.By the way, some of us (women mostly) somehow decided that our worth was based on how much we were doing or what people thought of what we were doing.  The sooner we can get that line of thinking in-check the better!
  • Hang out with a friend or two.
    Friendships enrich our lives.  As a matter of fact, having a network of friends is tied to living longer.  Something to remember is that there are different types of friendships and one is not necessarily better than the other.  You may have friends that are there for the good and bad times — priceless.  Some friends have you in stiches all the time, but they may not be the “call in the middle of the night if you need help” type of friend.  You know what “they” say, laughter is sometimes the best medicine.  Other friends may be with you for a season and move on – enjoy the time you have with one another.
  • Take a technology break.
    This day and age, many of us are more connected to our virtual reality than we are to our REAL reality.  Do yourself and those around you a favor and set aside time when you truly unplug from ALL the technology in your life.  We haven’t always had the information and capabilities at our fingertips like we do today, and believe it or not, you WILL NOT die if you take a break!  As a matter of fact, you may live longer.  That’s right!  Our brain is an organ—the CENTER of your nervous system– and it needs rest in order to grow and perform to its potential.
  • Give thanks. Last but definitely not least, give thanks.  I firmly believe this is the most important on our list.  When you stop and take a moment to realize all that you have to be thankful for, your entire perspective on life changes.  Some days it might be hard to dredge up something that you are thankful for.  Start with the things that many of us take for granted, like the breath you just took or the food you ate for lunch…each of us will have a different list, but all of us can find things to be grateful for.Go ahead, grab a pen and write down five things you are thankful for right now.  If you choose to spend 1 minute per day doing this, you will be amazed at how fast your list will grow AND how much more you will feel thankful.

If you are an over-achiever, here’s the instant-reboot-implementation-plan for you:

Take a walk with a funny friend and practice your deep breathing exercises together (this will undoubtedly provide extra bouts of laughter).  After your walk, grab a bite to eat and enjoy a delicious spinach, walnut and salmon salad.  Don’t forget to give thanks for your friendship and the food before you eat!  As you part ways, tell your friend you will have to sleep on it before making a decision as to whether you will join her in volunteering to clean the local park the following weekend.

Did you notice that this entire experience was technology free?  You and your friend did not check your Facebook status once during your time together, and you lived to tell about it.

All kidding aside, what type of things do you do to reboot?  Is there something that I haven’t listed that works best for you?  Please add your suggestions in the comments section.  Your idea may be the one that helps someone who is in need of a reboot today.

As always, I appreciate you taking time to read my blog.  If you have found value in something you read here today, please share.

Jill xx

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How to Stop Your Negative Self-Talk From Bullying You

Let me ask you a question. If someone walked up to your kid, your best-friend, or your mama, would you allow them to shout insults in their face?

“HEY! YOU MAY AS WELL QUIT! YOU DON’T HAVE A CHANCE! YOU’RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAY!!”

I hope your answer is NO WAY! We would never allow this bullying behavior to continue, would we?

If that’s the case, why do you and I allow ourselves to talk to ourselves in that way?

Maybe when it happens in your head it doesn’t sound that aggressive. Your internal negative self-talk voice may have more of a calm, condescending tone to it. “Darlin’, you go right ahead and try to get that promotion at work. They won’t laugh in your face, it will be behind closed doors.” (Imagine this one with a sweet southern accent. This is how I’m guessing some of my southern sisters hear the bully in their head.)

Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Alice Domar tells us,”We have about 50,000 thoughts a day most of which are automatic. Our internal self-talk will be a mixture of positive, negative and neutral thoughts.”

It’s when we allow the negative thoughts to outweigh the others that we have a problem.

As Dr. Domar said above, we all have negative thoughts, so chances are we won’t be eradicating those thoughts completely. We CAN, however, limit the amount of negative self-talk that pervades the inner-sanctum of our minds.

Let’s take a look at the physical and emotional impact that occurs when we allow our negative self-talk to take over, followed by ways to overcome or override these effects.

Negative Self-Talk:

Intimidates us.
Makes us believe lies about ourselves.
Causes anxiety and stress.
Causes avoidance and procrastination.
Sabotages positive activity in our lives.

Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk:

Awareness:
As negative thoughts enter your head, realize that they are just that – THOUGHTS, not truth.

The more you are aware of a habit, the easier it is to make a positive change.

Judge “The Voice”:
Some negative thoughts may be there to protect us. “Don’t you dare go out with those friends tonight, you know you don’t have the power to turn down that drink.” For a struggling addict, the “you don’t have the power” statement here may be true.

In another example, let’s say that same addict is hearing, “Don’t you go to that AA meeting, you don’t have the power to follow through with those 12-steps.” It’s time to dismiss this voice and it’s “counsel” for the troublemaker that it is.

Fill Your Brain With Positive Thoughts:
When we fill our minds with positive affirmations, our realities WILL change. Every single one of us, yes, EVERY single one of us has positive character traits and attributes and true words of encouragement that we deserve to tell ourselves.

A friend of mine is in the process of writing a book about her journey with Leukemia. She writes the following about the four most impactful words – I CAN DO THIS – she repeatedly told herself during the year and a half following her diagnosis of Leukemia, “After my initial diagnosis which was followed by my first round of chemo, that afternoon, I can remember saying it a few times. I can do this. After that it was like a roller-coaster, with the number of times a day I said it, depending on, of course, where I was in my treatment. During the months leading up to my transplant and while undergoing chemo to keep my cancer in remission, I probably said it four or fives times a day. After my transplant and while living in the hospital for six weeks it was more like 20 times day. Being released to my temporary housing in Seattle Washington where I had moved to undergo the bone marrow transplant, that was a different story. I can do this, was something I told myself at the very least, 20 times a day. On my very worst days it was closer to 50.”

I am certain those four words, “I can do this,” helped sustain Mari’s life.

Shed Light on Your Negative Thoughts:
When negative thoughts are kept “in the dark,” they have a tendency to stick around taunting us, growing in size and volume.

Try “outing” these thoughts by telling a family member, friend or a counselor. Good things happen when we bring negative thoughts into the light. First of all, your friend is going to tell you how silly the thought is and provide encouragement. Secondly, most scary or bad things in the dark, appear much smaller and more manageable in the light. This makes it much easier to deal with.

I encourage you to come up with 1 or 2 positive thoughts, right now, that you can speak to yourself at any time of any day. Write these down and place them in spots where you will see them regularly (bathroom mirror, kitchen sink, car dashboard). If you care to share, please write your positive thought(s) in the comment section below. Here’s mine: “I have value to add to the world through the words I write in my blog. There is someone out there that needs to read my words to encourage their heart today.” (My negative voice has been “encouraging” me to stop writing, because I don’t have any real value to add.)

Have a great day! I appreciate you taking time to spend a few minutes with me today.

If you would like these posts to magically appear in your inbox each week, just type in your name and email address in the subscription box, and consider it done!

Jill xo

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The Beauty of Living a Life of Balance

Have you noticed that a lot of people are running around with a crazed look in their eyes?

The other day, I was talking with a friend and I let out this weird cackle-laugh that I had never heard before! The translation of my cackle was “Oh my gosh, I love talking to you and what you just said was seriously funny, but I have 1,467 things to do before I leave for my vacation!!!”

So maybe we all feel a bit frazzled before leaving for vacation, but if we look around us and, better yet, look within ourselves — we may notice that we are all stumbling around a bit unbalanced.

Answer me this: On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being super-balanced, to 1 being on the verge of falling apart, where do you stand in the balance department?

I would guess that most of us have been or are currently in the lower half.  If you are reading this and happen to fall in the super-balanced end of the spectrum, feel free to skip to the end of this post and leave a comment with your best tips. Sharing is caring, people!

So, if you find yourself in a place where you are stressed, maybe even resentful of the direction your days go, read on, there is hope to be found here.

Let’s talk about some ideas and actionable steps to creating a life of beautiful balance.

Realize and admit you need to make some changes.
The first step to positive change is admitting there is work to be done, adjustments to be made. This seems like an easy step, but many of us have a hard time admitting that we don’t have it all together. Here’s the deal, not one single person on earth has it all together. Each and every one of us has room for improvement.

Stop the comparison game.
Live your life, not your neighbor’s life. You were created for a specific purpose, with gifts that are specially yours. The most honorable thing you can do is to be who you were meant to be.

Write a top 10 priority list.
What are the non-negotiables in your life? Be specific here. If riding 100 miles/week on your bike is critical to your well-being, include that. Don’t leave off the boring stuff, like doing laundry and yard maintenance.

Remember that this is not a bucket list. It’s a list of things that need to get done on a regular basis type of list.

Also remember that you want to enjoy your life, so including hobby or exercise time is not only fun but is beneficial to your health.

NOTE: non-negotiables will change throughout your life. It’s a good idea to review this list at least once per year.

Here is my list as an example:

priority list small

Take a look at your calendar.
Write down or print out a full typical month of your calendar. Many of us may not include grocery shopping, picking up dry cleaning, visiting a friend in the hospital, etc. in our calendar, but for this exercise, adding these items is important. Don’t get caught up in the details of exact shopping times or days of the week, just get it all down on paper.

Reflection time: Are your calendar and top 10 priority list in sync?

Just Say NO!
Now that you’ve got it all down in black and white, do you see anything glaringly obvious that you just don’t have time for?

It’s time to make some cuts.

If you are a parent, it may be that hauling your kids around to four different practices is killing you.

If you are a business person, it may be that working 14 hours per day is killing you.

It may be that you are trying to pack too much fun into your calendar. This may sound absurd, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

Take some time to decide what you will say no to. It took 43 years for me to become comfortable with saying no (by the way, as I write this I am 43 & 3/4). Still a work in progress.

Now before you try and convince yourself that saying no is mean or a bad thing to do, let me stop you there. When you have the courage to say no you are clearing out room for a well-cultivated YES!

Unplug. I love technology! With that being said, please unplug from your virtual world for set periods of time. Facebooking, Tweeting, and surfing the net can be a major time suck. You will not be able to achieve balance if you are living your life through a screen. (If you did not include technology time in your non-negotiable list, then consider adding it now.)

Set some personal boundaries.
The purpose of boundaries are to protect. Saying no is one such boundary that will protect you.

The lines on our freeways are boundaries that keep us from crashing into one another. The boundaries set on a football field create order.

The boundaries we set in our lives will protect us physically and emotionally. Do yourself a favor and set some boundaries.

One such boundary might be that you will not work more than 50 hours/week.

Another could be related to friendships or other relationships. There are all types of people, some can suck the life out of you. Creating a boundary of when and where you are willing to interact with these type of people is a good thing.

Be kind to yourself.  
Allow yourself some grace in this process. Finding the right balance for you can take some time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?

Allow tweaking to perfect your balance. If you fall off the wagon, just jump back on. As we talked about earlier, if you aren’t comparing yourself to someone else, you won’t beat yourself up as bad.

Today, more than ever, the lines of balance are blurred.  A lot more is expected of us, both by others and ourselves. Creating a life of balance is critical to our well-being and as models to future generations.

Which steps in finding balance do you struggle with the most?

Do you have some helpful ideas to add to the list here?

I would really love to hear from you. Please comment in the box below.

Jill xo

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Gratitude in a Virtual World

There are 829 million daily active users on Facebook today.

What are we all doing there?

We are either sharing, watching others share, snooping, or a  little of each.

We share milestones: Births. Deaths. Job changes. Relationship status updates. The list goes on.

We share beautiful sunsets, what we ate for lunch, funny memes, how many goals our awesome kids scored, and ALS bucket dousing videos. The list goes on.

What do we tend to steer away from sharing? The awful fight we got in with our spouse or best friend, the ginormous zit on our chin, the failed test, the feelings of despair after you get “the call” from the doctor’s office. The list goes on.

Seven days ago, I was challenged on Facebook to list out things I was grateful for each day, for seven consecutive days.

While I don’t often share much about myself on Facebook, this has been a fun exercise.

What have I been most grateful for this past week? Family and friends. The sound of children laughing. My relationship with God. Being flawed, yet still fabulous. Music that rocks my soul. Quality time with my boy before he leaves for college. People who smile. Life-saving blood cells from an umbilical cord that saved my best friend’s life.

Today is the last day of sharing my heart on this seven-day gratitude challenge.

Here were the words I shared on Facebook today:

Today I am super grateful, proud and nervous to announce the birth of…

…MY BLOG.

For those of you that know me, I hope I didn’t dash your expectations for a moment that I might be birthing another human-being! Are you kidding?! I’ve got my only offspring headed to college any minute. What will this empty nester have time for now?

Writing… HERE .

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” Ernest Hemingway

I have imagined starting a personal and business development (think life-coach/teacher) website for several years. Like many of us tend to do, I pushed that idea back in the dusty corner that doesn’t receive much attention.

Until now. My dream has officially been dusted off, semi-polished and I’m throwing glitter in the air!

My goal in writing this blog is to provide a virtual space that will be a place of inspiration, encouragement and education. A place to ask questions and share ideas. (To gain a sense of why I might like to provide such a place, click here to read a little about my personal and professional background.)

I should let you know…

THIS post wasn’t the post I planned to launch my blog with. I actually wrote an extensive article on living a life of purpose and passion. I even created a printable goal sheet to go with that post! (The geek in me will tend to rear its head from time to time here—no apologies.) I hope you will find that particular post very helpful in the future. HINT: Subscribe to this blog and it will magically arrive in your inbox each week.

With this being the last day of my gratitude challenge and the launch of this website, how could I NOT write about gratitude and the effect it has on our lives.

Whether you choose to share in a public format or simply write in a journal each day, I encourage you to express your gratitude daily. It will change your life.

Choosing gratitude each day is not always easy, but with practice you will find that it is possible to be grateful even in the most difficult of circumstances.

John F. Kennedy once said, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

Express Gratitude Today

If you choose to subscribe to this blog, you will hear from me once (maybe twice) per week. I will try to bring value to your life with the thoughts and information I share. I hope you, in turn, will contribute your thoughts and ask questions for us to ponder in the comment section below each post.

I would be honored if you would put your name and email in the subscription box and see where this journey takes us.  Jill xo

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