Personal Development Archives - Page 8 of 11

Top 5 Online Etiquette Rules

I’m sure you’ve seen the animal cruelty commercials with Sarah McLachlan’s voice crooning a sad song in the background. If you haven’t, I don’t recommend you do, the images are haunting and painful to watch.

Earlier this week, I read a friend’s Facebook post and was sickened by what she had involuntarily experienced online.

Here’s what Cheri wrote:

“I feel violated! Right here on facebook I just saw a woman get run over. I’m sickened by something I cannot “unsee”. All to raise awareness of the dangers of playing pranks.

Did that need to be shared? Do tortured dogs and insane criminals and fatal car accidents need to be on facebook? Does seeing horrific images really cause people to act differently? Do scare tactics work?

Research says time and time again an astounding NO!!

So for the love of all that is good, please stop sending horrific images to your unsuspecting friends. I’d rather see people’s’ self-centered, duck-faced selfies (barf) than these kinds of horrors.

Awareness is fine. Sensationalism is not.

Rant over. Carry on.”

Have you experienced something like this? I once saw a video of a prison beating that I couldn’t get out of my head for weeks.

Did you know that in some cases, seeing images like this on TV or the Internet can lead to symptoms much like PTSD?

In light of all this, I think it’s a good opportunity for us to be reminded of some basic etiquette rules we should be following in our online interactions.

I’ve come up with my top five list here. Feel free to add others in the comments section, but please follow these rules when you do so. : )

JILL’S TOP FIVE ONLINE ETIQUETTE RULES

Be Kind. You know what it feels like when someone is unkind to you…it hurts. Remember how that felt next time you start to say or do something unkind to someone online. If there’s any question, I suggest you speak out loud what you have typed before you share, and when in doubt, just follow Jesus’ teaching, “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.”

Be Authentic. Oscar Wilde offers this bit of advice: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” If your online and in-real-life personality and behavior are markedly different, you might want to check your motives and make some adjustments. If people don’t like you for who you were created to be, don’t worry about trying to please them.

Think Before You “Speak”. Remember that nothing is ever permanently removed or deleted online. If you are super emotionally charged about something, try using a one-hour rule: write or type out your thoughts and wait one hour before hitting send/reply/post. Also, please refrain from hateful spewing when you don’t agree with someone else’s opinion or perspective. Looking for a job? Prospective employers are looking online to find out more about their applicants…they may see something that will put you out of the running.

Don’t post disturbing graphics or videos. Don’t cause your friends emotional distress by sharing things that they will not be able to “unsee.” If you’re determined to share this type of media, please post a content warning and include a link or a page your friends can visit–if they choose to.

Promote Good. There is so much good in our world, but oftentimes the “bad” news overruns the headlines. We can change this by what we choose to view and share: 1. Watch the good stuff, ignore the rest. 2. Be generous in sharing the beautiful, funny, sweet, and amazing goodness you experience or come across.

Have a great week!

Jill xx

P.S. If you enjoy reading my blog, please share with your friends and family. Thanks!

One last thing…in an effort to share joy online, you must watch this mega dose of cuteness:

July 25, 2015/5 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Inspiration, Mindset, Personal Development, Purpose

The Definition of Success – A 10 Year Old’s Perspective

Today, I’ve got a real treat for you!

Recently, my 10-year old niece, Lauren, was visiting from Texas and she asked me if we could “do a blog.” She had seen that I’ve done some video blogs, and because the kids today are all about watching YouTube videos, she thought it would be fun.

I asked her what she was interesting in doing and she said that she’d like to do a video talking about animals and nature. I explained to her, while I love talking about those things, the people that read my blog might be more interested in hearing about her perspective on some of the big questions that grown-ups ponder.

You know, the BIG questions, like: What is the meaning of life? What is success? How do you find your life’s purpose?

I explained to her that sometimes grown-ups can over-complicate things, and it would be good to hear a kid’s unadulterated perspective on these subjects.

Well, Lauren thought this would be great, so she and I worked on a list of questions and she chose this one: What is the definition of success and what does it mean to you? Read more

July 18, 2015/0 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Inspiration, Mindset, Personal Development, Productivity, Purpose

Journaling…The Benefits, Methods and Ideas

Dear Diary,

I’m feeling a little blue today. I don’t know why, but maybe the lack of sunshine has something to do with it, or maybe it’s my sister! We got in a fight today. She can be sooo emotional and rude!! I wish she’d move to Timbuktu. Later today I’m going to the mall with Beth and Maryanne. I hope I have a good time! I’ve saved up $14 and I’m going to the pet store to see if I can get a turtle. Mom’s calling…gotta go…

If you’re female, this journal entry probably looks, or at least sounds, familiar. I made this particular entry up, but I remember as a child the power of being able to write all your “young-self” thoughts and dreams down in a pretty little journal—mine, equipped with its own lock and key!

It’s been a few decades since I wrote in my first journal and over the years journaling has come in and out of my life. Today, I have three different journals that I write in–a writing journal that I mind-map my ideas for future blog posts, a daily gratitude and goal journal, and a prayer journal.

No matter your age or gender, the process of journal writing can be very beneficial. So much so, that I’m going to share with you the top five benefits of journaling, a wide variety of topics to journal on, and I’ll discuss physical and online tools for journaling and the importance of your journaling environment.

Let’s get started!

FIVE WAYS JOURNALING WILL BENEFIT YOU

Protect Your Sanity and Your Relationships. Journaling can be like having your own built-in therapist. There are times when it’s more productive and ultimately healthier for you to dump your unfiltered thoughts out on a page in your journal rather than dumping those thoughts out on your spouse, your friend, or your colleague. Don’t you hate it when something comes out of your mouth that later you wish you could take back, but by then, the damage is done? Some things are definitely better left unsaid, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and work through those emotions with pen and paper.

Processing. As I mentioned earlier, I use a journal to mind-map my writing ideas. This has proven to be a fantastic way for me to creatively process and brainstorm ideas in a way that “just thinking” about them doesn’t.

On the other hand, processing may come in the form of working through emotional stuff that’s going on in your life, like I mentioned in the first benefit above. Processing will generally bring clarity and a fresh perspective.

Hindsight is 20/20. We can learn much from past experiences—good and bad. This is of particular benefit when you use a “project” journal (more on this later). When you journal through a project you will later be able to see what worked and where things may have gone wrong. The details will usually appear more clearly when you’ve taken a few steps away from the actual experience.

This 20/20 hindsight vision can also be an awareness tool for unhealthy patterns that come up in our relationships. For example, if you are in an unhappy or abusive relationship and you take a look back over your last year of journaling and see that you didn’t have one good day, then that written reminder may give you the strength and courage to get help or leave the relationship.

Time Capsule. Your journals are a snapshot of times gone by. Even if you have an excellent memory, you will never be able to remember all that you capture in your journals. Whether you’re looking back to see how far you’ve come on a personal or professional level, or to remember the details of a trip you took years ago, a journal is an excellent way to preserve your thoughts, life’s milestones, and memories. Journals can also be precious pieces of history to pass down to your children or other family members. We’ll discuss privacy concerns later.

Deepening of Faith. I have a friend that writes to God in her journal every day. Getting things out of your head and heart and out on paper is a cathartic exercise and this type of daily communication to God has enriched her faith life profoundly. She inspired me to start my own prayer journal, and although I am not as consistent as she is, I too, find this process enjoyable and rewarding.

NOT SURE WHAT TO JOURNAL ABOUT?
10 Ideas to Get You Started Today…

Personal Journal. This is probably the type of journaling that most people think about when they hear the word journaling. This style of journaling is a great way to pour your heart out and process through things going on in your life. If necessary, keep your journal under lock and key. I have a friend who keeps his personal journals in a small locked safe in his house. His family has been instructed to get rid of the journals if he dies before them. Not that there’s anything bad in them, it just gives him a sense of peace when he’s writing that he can be totally authentic and not worry about someone reading what he writes. (Make sure to read about Journal Privacy rules below.)

Travel Journal. You won’t regret journaling during your travels. Not only will this type of journal serve as a memories scrapbook, but you can always go back and retrieve information for future visits or to share with others traveling to the same area. Make sure to include favorite restaurants, hikes, monuments, hotels or B&Bs, bookstores, etc. in your journal.

Food or Dinner Party Journal. Years ago, my mom used to keep a journal of dinner party details–who was there, what she served, and notes that might be helpful for next time those same guests came again. This type of journal would be great for passing down to your kids too. I don’t know where my mom’s journal went, but I’d sure love to have it.

Gratitude Journal. Life is good when you consistently express your gratitude. As I mentioned earlier, I have one journal that I jot down a few things I’m grateful for every day. A gratitude journal is fun to look back at over the years, because you’ll see times when you were obviously struggling to find things to be grateful for and other times when you write ten items down instead of your typical three.

Writing Journal. I love my writing journal! I mind-map most of my blog post ideas in this journal. This process allows me to brain dump everything out on a page without worrying about editing. Click here to see an article I wrote titled, “Mind Mapping: Who Should Use it And Why.”

I generally carry my writing journal around with me too. I don’t know how many times I’ve thought of a great idea to write about and if I don’t have my journal handy, I just hope that I’ll remember it when I get back home. Nine times out of ten, I forget! Sometimes I’ll just write one word or phrase down in the middle of a page and come back to mind-map it later.

Project Journal. Whether it’s a home, work, volunteer project, or something in between, a project journal is a great place to store your ideas, plans, shopping lists, purchase information, etc. Just like with a travel journal, you can go back to your project journal years later to remind yourself of that specific paint color you used or where you purchased that special lamp the dog just knocked over and broke into 22 pieces.

Goal Tracking Journal. This is a great tool for personal and professional goal tracking. I incorporate both gratitude and goal tracking in one of my journals.

Memories of Your Children or Grandchildren’s Lives. My mother-in-law kept a journal for 12 years with notes from her famous “Grandma’s Summer Camp” that our son attended at her house one week every summer. She has also keeps a separate journal for each of her grandchildren, full of special memories and thoughts specific to each grandchild.

If I could go back in time, I would have started a journal like this for our son when he was born. Even if it only included the silly little things only parents care about or “kids say the darndest things” type quotes. Think about doing this if you have young ones.

Prayer Journal. Talk to God. Thank him for your blessings and tell him what’s on your heart. I have a feeling that more people start these types of journals in times of desperation, and that is good, but if you use this type of journal in the good times too, your relationship with God will have a chance to develop on the mountaintops as well as in the valleys.

Drawing journal. Maybe you’d rather doodle than write words. Doodle away, my friends! Studies have shown that doodling helps improve memory, focus, and brain function. Doodling is a good way to express feelings too…get those creative juices flowing and see where your doodling takes you.

METHODS OF JOURNALING
There are lots of options when it comes to journaling, from using a regular notebook to a fancy leather bound journal, to capturing your thoughts via an online tool. Following are some options to consider.

Good ol’ pen and paper. Check out your local stationery, book, or gift store for a good journal selection. You can also search online (Google it) to find some unique journals.

Don’t do this: I used to get so caught up in finding the right journal, that I would delay the whole journaling process until I found just the right one. This is fine if it takes a day or two, but I would go months without finding the right journal! Trust me on this, just grab a notebook and get started. If you really want to keep it in a fancy journal you can glue or tape the notebook pages in later when you find the perfect one.

Online Options:
Penzu: This is the best online journal tool I have found in regards to functionality and design. It is super user friendly, private and secure, you can add in photos, and they will even email you a daily reminder to write. I like that it looks like you are actually writing on lined notepaper too! They have both a free and paid version. Click here to check it out.

The 5-Minute Journal: I’ve heard great things about this journal in its traditional book format and now they have an app for less than $5 that backs up your journal entries to your iCloud account. This journal has five daily writing prompts, and for those that are time pressed, it only takes five minutes per day. Click here to check it out.

Evernote: I love Evernote! Although I’ve never used it specifically for journaling, I would use it if I ever switched from my preferred pen and paper method of journaling. Evernote appears to have all the same bells and whistles that Penzu does, but you aren’t typing into what looks like lined notebook paper. Evernote also has both a free and paid version. Click here to check it out.

Microsoft Word: A word processing option for not only your home computer but for your mobile devices as well. Microsoft now has a Cloud storage option so you can access your data anywhere. Click here to check it out. If you are a Mac user, click here for info on Pages.

Google Docs: Another word processing tool similar to Microsoft Word, but it’s online and it’s free. Accessible on your PC and mobile devices. Click here to check it out.

FINDING THAT SPECIAL PLACE TO JOURNAL

My environment is super important to me, especially when writing. Obviously, you can journal most anywhere or anytime, but if you’re able to set aside a special place and specific time each day to journal, you are more likely to get it done and it makes the process more enjoyable.

You might like a cozy, quiet spot to have a hot cup of tea while you journal, while others may prefer a busy coffee shop setting. However or wherever you do it, the most important thing is to block out time to do it.

JOURNAL PRIVACY…A final word

Don’t EVER read or share someone else’s journal unless you’re invited to. Please respect the privacy of others. We really shouldn’t have to use our lock and keys.
There are only two exceptions that I can think of to this important rule:
1. The journal needs to be used as court evidence for a crime committed.
2. Someone goes missing or dies and you expect foul play.

I’d love to hear from you. Do you journal? What’s your preferred method–are you an old-school pen and paper type or do you prefer online? Is your environment an important part of your journaling experience? How often do you journal? Please share in the comments section below.

As always, I appreciate you spending time here with me today.

Happy journaling!

Jill xx

July 4, 2015/2 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Mindset, Personal Development

How Changing Specific Words You Use Every Day Will Greatly Impact Your Life

You may not realize it, but there are most likely words or phrases you use every single day that are putting a damper on the way you perceive and react to life. These words may seem innocent enough, but believe me, they’re not!

Join me as I share what these words are and discuss how you can benefit from recognizing, altering and, in many cases, removal of these words from your vocabulary. As I discuss in the video, just changing one single word will truly make a major impact on your life.

IDEA: Don’t have time to sit and watch the video? Stick your earbuds in, press play, and take a walk with me. I’m also good at chatting with you while you wash the dishes or cook a meal. 🙂

What do you think? Are you willing to make a change?
Have you noticed these patterns yourself already and made a change? If so, how has it impacted your life?

Thanks for spending time with me today! Hope you enjoyed the palm tree cameo in the video. 🙂

Jill xx

June 26, 2015/0 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Inspiration, Mindset, Personal Development, Productivity

How to Take Those Lingering Projects and Get Them Done

How many unfinished projects do you have looming right now? Have you been dreaming about a project you’d like to tackle, but fear, overwhelm, or lack of time have hi-jacked your capacity to complete the task?

I’m right there with you!

At any given point, I usually have 5-10 projects I’d like to begin or am in the process of “working” on. I’ll putter a little bit here and there, ultimately being busy, but not getting much accomplished. I’ve always prided myself on my multitasking skills—I think it may even be a bullet point highlighted on my resume! But I’ve come to realize that, overall, multitasking takes away from the laser focus needed to complete a task well and in a timely manner. Author Steve Uzzell defines multitasking as “the opportunity to screw up more than one thing at a time.”

I’ve always been, and always will be, a checklist person, but I’ve recently read a book that has drastically changed the way I choose what to work on and where it lies in my priority scheme. What I love about the concepts discussed in this book is that they challenge you to look at your purpose–why you do what you do–and use that as your foundation for setting priorities and the actions that will achieve your goals.

The book is called The One Thing, by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. The authors suggest that “The prescription for extraordinary results is knowing what matters to you and taking daily doses of actions in alignment with it.”

The authors challenge us to take a look at our work, family, personal, and spiritual goals and pick one thing to focus on as we work toward completing the goals in each category. “Extraordinary results are directly determined by how narrow you can make your focus.”

If we don’t narrow down our project lists and calendar appointments, we become overwhelmed and stressed, which equates to things not getting done or not getting done well.

A couple of weeks ago, I became super convicted on this whole “One Thing” idea and decided it was time to complete a project I had been putting off for nearly a year.

I’m sharing this example for two reasons: 1. I think you might be able to relate and I hope it will encourage and motivate you to work on something you have been putting off; 2. My precious dogs are featured in the story!

Here’s where the story begins…

About 10 months ago, my husband and I replaced our 17 year old couch cushions (just the inside foam part) and we kept the old foam pads to be used as dog beds. Excellent idea right? Upcycle, recycle, reclaim—I’m all about it!

We placed the old cushions on the floor and covered them with a big blanket. I even added a couple of our old human pillows with shams to make it extra comfortable for the dogs. DIY at its best! Shabby chic, easy, and good to go!

Well….you know how when dogs settle in to lay down, they circle around and around and dig into the blankets to make a comfy spot? Well, the dogs did a little too much digging, so much so that every time they used the bed, they would rip up the foam and batting and leave a huge mess.

Jack and Dixie with torn cushions (1)

After the first few times it happened, I told my husband that I just needed to sew up a cushion cover with a Velcro closure, so they couldn’t get to the bare cushion. With a glint in his eye, he nodded and said, “That’s a great idea, hon.” Let me preface this by telling you that my husband has witnessed me getting “amped” many times over the years about various DIY projects only to either half start it and leave it unfinished or just talk a lot about it and never even get to the starting point. So the fact that he still had a glint in his eye was promising—at this point, his eyes should have looked dead and bewildered!

FLASH FORWARD 10 months (present day)…project still not done—BIG surprise!

My husband left town for a few days and I’d been reading the book I mentioned earlier, The One Thing. Of course, I’d already started applying the concepts in the book to work-tasks and even projects on my blog, but it dawned on me that I should be applying the One Thing to my home life, too.

Yep, you guessed it! I decided to make the dog bed cover sewing project my One Thing. I was singularly focused and would not allow anything to get in the way of finishing this project. The crazy thing is that it only took me a couple of hours to do the entire project—this included setting up the sewing machine, cutting the fabric, sewing, putting the cushions in their new homes, and putting the machine away. Less than two hours!!

Look how happy the dogs are! Believe me, my husband was even happier when he came home to discover the miraculous event that had taken place in his absence.

So, I know I’ve given you a silly example here today, but the point is that all of us have things we want or need to get done. I think we can all agree it’s easier to get fun stuff done first and leave the more important things on the back burner. It’s important to set goals for all areas of our lives and one of the keys to success is defining your One Thing and blocking time out of your day(s) to focus and get it done.

What do you have in your life that you need to apply some laser focus on to get it done?

Best of luck to you! My dogs and I are cheering you on!

As always, thank you for spending time with me here today.

Jill xx

BONUS PICS (for those who can’t get enough of the cuteness.)

Dixie wasn’t about to let me cut the fabric in an orderly fashion.

I finally got the fabric cut and Dixie sat with the strips of left over fabric for a good part of the evening!

Jack enjoyed the cushions doubled up.

June 20, 2015/7 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Mindset, Personal Development

How to Stop Hurting The People You Love The Most

Have you noticed how we have a tendency to lash out or act ugly with those we love the most? From the use of a condescending tone to being unreasonably impatient, it seems the closer we are, the worse our conduct can be. Then we turn around and use our best manners with perfect strangers!

I’ve been guilty of this type of poor behavior and I’ve witnessed others doing it too. Why is it that we allow ourselves to do this to our most precious relationships??

The reason I bring this topic up today is because I believe if we purposely pay attention to how we treat others, especially those closest to us, and take steps to improve our interactions, our relationships will flourish and we will be happier people.

The good/bad news is there’s always room for improvement. If you’re reading this and think that there is not one thing you could do to improve your interactions with your loved ones, think again.

Since it can sometimes be hard to take an objective look at our own behaviors, I’ve found that it’s helpful to observe others around us and learn from their interpersonal interactions.

Whether you’re at the grocery store, a dinner party, a sporting event, at church, or at a family gathering, watch how others interact with their spouses, kids, friends, siblings, parents. Do they exhibit kindness, respect, and patience, or rudeness, disrespect, and shortness? I think you’ll find there are some common misbehaviors among people. Take note of these and spend some time in honest self-examination–ask yourself if you’re guilty of any of the negative behaviors you witnessed.

Once you’ve figured out where you might be able to make some improvements, there are two important steps to take.

STEP 1: Change your behavior. You’ve already overcome the biggest hurtle—identifying the problem and admitting the need for change.

You can get to work on this step immediately. The next step, however, may take some time, but is critical to your long-term success.

STEP 2: Get to the root cause of why you fell into the bad behavior in the first place. Invariably, when people behave poorly there’s something going on “behind-the-scenes” that needs to be dealt with.

Let’s take a look at some of those root causes here:

Three Root Causes of Poor Behavior:

Unfulfilled. We live in an age of comparison where it’s easy to get caught up in coveting the “amazing” lives of others that are constantly displayed all over the internet.

When we’re not content with our own lives, we have a tendency to drag others down with us. Unfortunately, our loved ones are usually the closest thing to grab on to on our way down.

Resentful. Resentment occurs when we feel disrespected, mistreated, not understood, or not listened to. It can stem from being hurt by someone or from our own mismanaged expectations of others. If you don’t let go of resentment, it will ruin any chance you have of true happiness. You’ve probably heard this quote, but it really hits the nail on the head of this issue: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Undefined Boundaries. Adults can be vulnerable to a “rule-less” life and misbehave just like a child whose parents don’t provide boundaries for acceptable behavior. Reasonable boundaries make people–young and old–feel safe. If you weren’t brought up in an environment with reasonable boundaries, you’re going to have to learn some in order to experience success in your relationships.

Think about it this way…relationships are a two-way street and your responsibility is to keep your side of the street in good shape. When you notice a pot-hole, you’ll want to fix it, but it’s also a good idea to figure out the reason for the weakness in that area in order to ward off future problems.

I appreciate you spending time with me today!

Jill xx

June 6, 2015/6 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Mindset, Personal Development, Productivity, Purpose

When Quitting is a Decision That Will Enrich Your Life

I used to think that quitting was for losers—unless you were quitting heroin, of course!

The inspirational quotes that populate Pinterest and our Facebook pages urge us to “Never Give Up!” I’m all for these types of mottos, but not when you find yourself staying in the game for the wrong reasons. In some situations, “never giving up” can be an absolute exercise in futility.

I know several people, and I’m sure you do too, that are experiencing some pretty serious levels of unhappiness in their life.

Maybe it’s a job with a horrendous boss, a project that’s sucking the life and creativity out of them, or a relationship that’s draining or abusive.

In these situations, quitting—or withdrawing one’s self from a situation—can be one of the wisest, most freeing, and empowering decisions of your life.

The bad news is that oftentimes the choice to quit can be harder and scarier than the alternative.

The good news is that, in most situations, we hold the key to the prison we find ourselves in, and our sentences are determined by our action or inaction.

If you’re in a situation where you’re trying to gain clarity on whether to withdraw from a situation or a relationship, consider the following sections below:
1. Common obstacles to quitting
2. Reasons why it may be time to quit
3. Help in the decision making process

Common Obstacles to Quitting:

Fear. This emotion can paralyze you, but there are ways to overcome fear.
Because you’ve been told you can’t do it. Don’t listen to the haters—they don’t have your best interest at heart.
Just because it’s hard. Hard does not equal impossible. Keep your head up and use your resources.
Because progress is slow. A lot of good things take time. Patience is a virtue.
Laziness. Being a couch potato is a poor excuse to quit! If this is you, it’s time to turn up the Rocky music and get going—You Can Do It!

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s take a look at some reasons where you can benefit from quitting or removing yourself from a situation.

It May Be Quittin’ Time When:

You’ve given it a fair shot and it’s not what you expected or what you want in your life.
You’d like to venture into other opportunities and need to let something go in order to make room for something new.
You’re stressing more about the work, projects, or relationships in your life than you are loving your life.
You are in physical or emotional danger.

Help in Making a Decision:

Talk to friends, mentors, and counselors.
Write a pros and cons list.
Work through your scenario in mind mapping style! I’ll show you how here.
Pray for wisdom and direction.

Once you’ve thought it all through, and you decide it’s in your best interest to quit or remove yourself from a situation, try your best to exit with grace and fairness.

Blessings to you!

Jill xx

May 30, 2015/2 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Personal Development, Productivity

How Accountability Will Save You From Overwhelm

I asked a question in a reader survey last week (thank you to those of you who filled it out!) and the top two responses as to what they struggled with and/or kept them up at night most were stress and feeling overwhelmed.

The reason for my survey was to give me direction on what my readers would find most helpful in my future posts. It would seem sensible for me to take the information from my survey (clear direction provided by my readers) and write about feeling overwhelmed or stress, right?

Easy, if I wasn’t swirling down a drain of overwhelm myself!

Because of the overwhelm I was feeling I had trouble focusing and was experiencing major self-doubt. I didn’t even think I would be able to get my blog done this week–not due to a lack of time–but because I was paralyzed by fear and doubt. In my state of overwhelm I was questioning my ability to write and whether I had a place to provide insight on a subject I struggle with myself. Not the best ingredients for writing encouraging and helpful content on the subject of overwhelm!

If you’re reading this, you know that I’ve figured out a way to deal with this fear and doubt. I tackled it! If I made that sound easy, don’t let me fool you. The truth is, I needed help.

My help came through accountability.

Over the years, when I’ve been in a state of overwhelm, I’ve found it extremely beneficial to have an accountability partner. Someone to help keep you focused on a goal. Whether it be someone who will “shame” you if you don’t show up at the gym, or someone to hold you accountable to finish that sweater you’ve been knitting for the last decade, having someone else hold you accountable is super powerful.

It’s important to remember that ultimately you’re still accountable for your own actions, but your “partner” will be there to provide a gentle nudge or reminder when you’re straying off track or to offer a word of encouragement for you to keep up the good work.

Following are six types of accountability partners/teams that I’ve at some point been part of over the years. Pick one that works for you and watch how your feelings of overwhelm will disappear.

Friend – Friends can be the best accountability partners. They are free and they have your best interest at heart. I have a couple of friends who I walk with regularly. I’m not likely to cancel on a pre-arranged time to walk with a friend. On the other hand, if I plan on walking after work by myself, I find it easier to agree with myself on how exhausted I am after a long day and how it will be fine to wait and take that walk another day. We can be our own worst enemies!

Spouse – My husband is the best at talking through things and helping me to see fresh perspectives when I’m overwhelmed. The problem with family is that sometimes they can give the best advice ever, but you may be more likely to take the advice of someone that you are not as closely tied to. I know this is crazy, but it’s true. There are numerous “I told you so” opportunities for my husband to use on me, but being the good man that he is, he doesn’t play that card. Thank you sweetie!

Mentor/Coach – Whether you pay to work with a mentor or a coach or you find someone who will provide this service at no cost, this relationship can turn your life around. I have been on both sides here. I worked with a life-coach several years ago to help me work on career direction. Her services were extremely helpful and because I had “homework” due every week, it kept me very focused on working toward my goals.

On the flip side, I have provided mentorship through several organizations over the last several years, and the results, when the mentee is willing to work, are extraordinary.

Mastermind Group – This is a peer-to-peer mentorship group. Being part of one of these groups helped deliver me from my state of overwhelm this last week. I recently began meeting with an awesome group of business people every week who hold each other accountable for projects we are working on. This type of group is a tremendous resource for brainstorming and keeping each other on track with our goals. Here’s a great article from Forbes on reasons to join a Mastermind group.

Study Group – Whether you’re a student trying to get through Calculus or you’re in a Bible study, a study group is yet another great way to help you to keep accountable to your assignments and to learn from others. I wouldn’t have made it through Calculus in college had it not been for a girl name Michelle Storm. I haven’t talked to her in over 20 years. If you’re reading this Michelle, thank you!!

Support Groups – There are groups to help people who are struggling with and/or recovering from most anything: drug and alcohol, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, sexual addiction, disease, abuse, anger management, etc. Google or call 211 to find a support group in your area.

Here’s my suggestion for you today: Think about where you are most overwhelmed or feeling out of control. Now take a look at my list above and see where you might benefit from an accountability partner or support group. Once you’ve decided, make it a point to get something started within a day or two. Trust me on this! When in a state of overwhelm it’s easy to put things off, which in turn, adds to our level of overwhelm.

Now, if you’re feeling so overwhelmed right now, that you’re not able to narrow down the decision on a person or group to get started with, then just pick one thing in your life to work on. Don’t fret over picking the right thing, just pick one thing. You may be struggling with depression and asking a friend to get outside and walk with you every morning might be the easiest thing to start with now.

Depending on your situation, you may feel embarrassed to ask for help – don’t. Every single person has something they are struggling with and could use some help. There is no way to grow if we don’t stretch ourselves and step outside our comfort zones from time to time.

If you care to share, I’d love to hear what you are going to get started with. When you answer in the comment section below you have already made progress, as your answer or commitment is a form of accountability.

You all, whether you realize it or not, are my accountability partners in writing this blog. Thank you for reading and for the encouragement you have given me through your comments and feedback. I appreciate you!

Have a great day!

Jill xx

May 16, 2015/0 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Mindset, Personal Development

Four Steps to Living An Authentic Life

I observed a few things while travelling recently that really made me stop and think about how some of us have fallen into creating a false representation of what’s really happening in our lives. We need to be careful in how we portray ourselves for those around us as well as for ourselves. In today’s video, I’ll share some simple ways to live a more authentic life that brings you joy and contentment.

Watch here and let me know what your thoughts are on this topic in the comments section below.

Have a great day and remember these four steps discussed in the video on how to live a more authentic life–the life you were meant to live:

Check Your Motives
Be Yourself
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Express Gratitude

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May 1, 2015/8 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater

Blog, Inspiration, Personal Development

Taking Time to Develop My Passion in San Diego

If you’ve read my blog before, you know I am a big believer in self-care and personal development. As you can see from my note above, I traveled to San Diego, California this week to do a little of both: attending a one-day conference and visiting with family. I won’t be writing a typical blog post this week, but wanted to share some photos with you for fun.

If you’ve never been to San Diego, you must! It’s a beautiful area. I’m going to share a few photos below of the first 36 hours of my visit.

I should have known something was going on when my luggage was held up in security. They spend a good two minutes eye-balling my bag under the x-ray machine.
I’m guessing this stash below was the reason why. My husband snuck in these tasty goodies to surprise me on my trip. Yep, he’s a keeper!

The weather in San Diego is typically clear skies and sunny with an average temperature of 70 degrees. Not too shabby! It has been a little overcast and in the mid-60’s on my visit thus far. Great walking weather!

I’m staying in the La Jolla area and there are lots of surfers, and as you can see from the photo below, scuba divers too, that frequent this beach.

Beach art!

I could watch sandpipers all day. They walk super fast and stick their long beaks in the sand to pull out insects and other small organisms to eat. Check out his reflection.

This seagull had a cool personality. He was strutting around like he owned the place.

Surf rescue gulls!

These beautiful trees, at a park along the beach, are works of art!

These flowers along the beach path that smell like heaven! Not sure of the name but I had my nose buried in these every chance I got.

Leaving the beach area now and strolling through some neighborhoods close by…

I have some horticulture, landscape design friends who laugh at me because instead of identifying plants/trees by their real names, I just name them for how they look. I have named this tree a “painted bottlebrush”. Please chime in down in the comment section if you know the true name.

Bird of Paradise!

Amazing succulent garden in someone’s front yard.

These beautiful gated entryways to homes are typical in this area.

I feel sorry for these people. Just look at what they have to look at every day!

Rusty pelican guarding this home’s front entrance.

After enjoying a long walk, I headed off to my conference.

This was my view at the conference. That’s Chris Ducker and Pat Flynn up front. The day was AWESOME! I met so many smart, kind and generous people with hearts for making a difference online. I’ll tell you more about it in the future.

I’m here for a few more days to spend time with some of my West Coast family. Look forward to meeting you back here next Saturday!

Jill xx

April 25, 2015/6 Comments/by Jill Gottenstrater