, ,

How Accountability Will Save You From Overwhelm

I asked a question in a reader survey last week (thank you to those of you who filled it out!) and the top two responses as to what they struggled with and/or kept them up at night most were stress and feeling overwhelmed.

The reason for my survey was to give me direction on what my readers would find most helpful in my future posts.  It would seem sensible for me to take the information from my survey (clear direction provided by my readers) and write about feeling overwhelmed or stress, right?

Easy, if I wasn’t swirling down a drain of overwhelm myself!

Because of the overwhelm I was feeling I had trouble focusing and was experiencing major self-doubt.  I didn’t even think I would be able to get my blog done this week–not due to a lack of time–but because I was paralyzed by fear and doubt.  In my state of overwhelm I was questioning my ability to write and whether I had a place to provide insight on a subject I struggle with myself.  Not the best ingredients for writing encouraging and helpful content on the subject of overwhelm!

If you’re reading this, you know that I’ve figured out a way to deal with this fear and doubt.  I tackled it!  If I made that sound easy, don’t let me fool you.  The truth is, I needed help.

My help came through accountability.

Over the years, when I’ve been in a state of overwhelm, I’ve found it extremely beneficial to have an accountability partner.  Someone to help keep you focused on a goal.  Whether it be someone who will “shame” you if you don’t show up at the gym, or someone to hold you accountable to finish that sweater you’ve been knitting for the last decade, having someone else hold you accountable is super powerful.

It’s important to remember that ultimately you’re still accountable for your own actions, but your “partner” will be there to provide a gentle nudge or reminder when you’re straying off track or to offer a word of encouragement for you to keep up the good work.

Following are six types of accountability partners/teams that I’ve at some point been part of over the years.  Pick one that works for you and watch how your feelings of overwhelm will disappear.

Friend – Friends can be the best accountability partners.  They are free and they have your best interest at heart.  I have a couple of friends who I walk with regularly.  I’m not likely to cancel on a pre-arranged time to walk with a friend.  On the other hand, if I plan on walking after work by myself, I find it easier to agree with myself on how exhausted I am after a long day and how it will be fine to wait and take that walk another day.  We can be our own worst enemies!

Spouse – My husband is the best at talking through things and helping me to see fresh perspectives when I’m overwhelmed.  The problem with family is that sometimes they can give the best advice ever, but you may be more likely to take the advice of someone that you are not as closely tied to.  I know this is crazy, but it’s true.  There are numerous “I told you so” opportunities for my husband to use on me, but being the good man that he is, he doesn’t play that card.  Thank you sweetie!

Mentor/Coach – Whether you pay to work with a mentor or a coach or you find someone who will provide this service at no cost, this relationship can turn your life around.  I have been on both sides here.  I worked with a life-coach several years ago to help me work on career direction.  Her services were extremely helpful and because I had “homework” due every week, it kept me very focused on working toward my goals.

On the flip side, I have provided mentorship through several organizations over the last several years, and the results, when the mentee is willing to work, are extraordinary.

Mastermind Group – This is a peer-to-peer mentorship group.  Being part of one of these groups helped deliver me from my state of overwhelm this last week.  I recently began meeting with an awesome group of business people every week who hold each other accountable for projects we are working on.  This type of group is a tremendous resource for brainstorming and keeping each other on track with our goals.  Here’s a great article from Forbes on reasons to join a Mastermind group.

Study Group – Whether you’re a student trying to get through Calculus or you’re in a Bible study, a study group is yet another great way to help you to keep accountable to your assignments and to learn from others.  I wouldn’t have made it through Calculus in college had it not been for a girl name Michelle Storm.  I haven’t talked to her in over 20 years.  If you’re reading this Michelle, thank you!!

Support Groups – There are groups to help people who are struggling with and/or recovering from most anything: drug and alcohol, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, sexual addiction, disease, abuse, anger management, etc.  Google or call 211 to find a support group in your area.

Here’s my suggestion for you today: Think about where you are most overwhelmed or feeling out of control.  Now take a look at my list above and see where you might benefit from an accountability partner or support group.  Once you’ve decided, make it a point to get something started within a day or two.  Trust me on this!  When in a state of overwhelm it’s easy to put things off, which in turn, adds to our level of overwhelm.

Now, if you’re feeling so overwhelmed right now, that you’re not able to narrow down the decision on a person or group to get started with, then just pick one thing in your life to work on.  Don’t fret over picking the right thing, just pick one thing.  You may be struggling with depression and asking a friend to get outside and walk with you every morning might be the easiest thing to start with now.

Depending on your situation, you may feel embarrassed to ask for help – don’t.  Every single person has something they are struggling with and could use some help.  There is no way to grow if we don’t stretch ourselves and step outside our comfort zones from time to time.

If you care to share, I’d love to hear what you are going to get started with.  When you answer in the comment section below you have already made progress, as your answer or commitment is a form of accountability.

You all, whether you realize it or not, are my accountability partners in writing this blog.  Thank you for reading and for the encouragement you have given me through your comments and feedback.  I appreciate you!

Have a great day!

Jill xx

/0 Comments/by
, , ,

The Art of Delegation – Let It Go

Today wraps up our three-part series on self-care.  Week one, we talked about taking care of yourself before you crash and burn; week two, we talked about the power of saying “no”; and this week we’re tying this self-care package up with a pretty little bow called DELEGATION.

Now before you decide that the only people who have authority to delegate are people that have employees, think again.  Let’s see how Merriam Webster defines the word delegate:

delegate definition

Good news!  Every single one of us has the power and authority to delegate stuff in our lives!  Stuff in our work lives, stuff at home, stuff in our community involvement, etc.

My list of current “would love to delegate” items include: monthly deep cleaning at my house, some of the back end tech stuff for this blog, picking up dog poop in my yard (ok, that’s just dreamy talk…I wouldn’t ask anyone else to do that awesome job!).  We did recently hire someone to mow our lawn (our son who has moved off to college was our previous delegatee for that job).

Lazy or unrealistic you may say??  I beg to differ!  Here are a few reasons why I think it’s important to delegate as part of your self-care regimen:

  1. You will open yourself up to more meaningful opportunities. If your schedule is full, you will likely turn down or miss out on really good opportunities because you can’t fit them in your schedule.
  2. You should always try and utilize the highest and best use of your time. For example: Say you have 15 potentially productive hours in any given day.  Here’s a hypothetical breakdown:  Work at your job = 9 hours, commute to and from work = 1 hour, grocery shop = 30 minutes, prepare & eat dinner = 1.5 hours, laundry/iron = 1 hour, exercise = 1 hour.  That all equals 14 hours.  You’ve got one hour left of “awake” time in your day.  Would you rather have some down time to read, work on a fun project, visit with a friend, spend quality time with a family member OR mop the floors?  I say throw the dang mop in!  Hire someone to do the deep cleaning of your house.  Can you tell I’m working on convincing myself here? ; )
  3. You empower and/or provide opportunities for others when you delegate. That’s right!  Consider your delegating as an altruistic act.  : )
    On a serious note, we often hold on to tasks/jobs/activities for the wrong reasons—we’ll discuss some of these below–but by letting go, you may be giving someone else an opportunity at a learning experience or a chance to shine in something they do very well.

So now that we have some good reasons to do some delegating in our lives, let’s flip the coin and address some reasons as to why we might have trouble actually delegating stuff in our lives.

  • Fear.  Many people, especially in the workplace, fear if they delegate, their job might be in jeopardy or they will be needed less or seen as less important.  This is generally not the case.  Someone in a company who masters the art of delegation, will usually get more accomplished by utilizing the highest and best use of their own time.  The same thing can happen with families–for all you homemakers out there–it is not a sign of failure if you decide to delegate some of your home management duties.  You know the saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
  • Loss of control. Whether you are a perfectionist or uncertainty causes you anxiety, the idea of losing control is a tough hurtle to overcome.  You must first come to terms with the fact that no mortal being has control over the future and to charge one’s self with the weight of this is an unrealistic burden.  Secondly, fighting perfectionism is an uphill battle.  If you can manage to let go of control, you will experience a freedom like no other.
  • Martyrdom.  If you are taking things on to make people feel sorry for you, please find it within yourself to stop immediately.  Martyrdom is the wrong reason to do anything.  It is a form of manipulation that is not healthy for you or those around you.
  • Lack of money. I mentioned wanting to hire someone to do the deep cleaning at my house—yes, this costs money, but my husband and I both have full-time jobs and we make decisions and sacrifices that will add value to our chosen lifestyle.  Obviously, each individual or family has to make their own decisions as to what is important to them and what they can afford.  If I make the leap to hire a housekeeper, I would personally make a decision to cut back on eating out.  If it’s not an option for you to delegate tasks where a fee or charge is involved, I would highly recommend a barter.  Using my example, I could offer a housekeeper free marketing or business coaching in return for his or her services.  Get creative…there is usually a way to make things work.

We all deal with different obstacles when it comes to empowering ourselves with delegating, but the key is to remember that the point of delegation is to create a life for yourself in which you are free to do what you were created to do, what you enjoy doing, what is necessary for your family, and what you do best.

I encourage you today to take a look at areas in your life that may be worth delegating, so that you can get to the really good stuff.  I’ve created a Delegation Worksheet to help you get started.

Click here to download your free Delegation Worksheet.

I’d love to hear what you decide to delegate!  Leave your one thing or a list of items in the comments section below.

Thanks for spending time here with me today!

/4 Comments/by
, , ,

5 Steps to Overcoming Difficult Obstacles

Trying something new this week…a VIDEO blog post!  

Let me just begin by telling you, it’s not as easy as it looks!  I decided after 20 + takes that it’s better to put something out there than nothing at all.  You’ll understand what I mean when you watch the video.  Please excuse my mess ups, and just know that I’m speaking from my heart.     

So, what you’ll hear me talking about is something we can all relate to — the need to overcome obstacles that will inevitably show up in our lives.

Whether you’ve been through something in the past, you’re going through it now, or there’s something around the bend that’s about to smack you in the face, obstacles are a part of all of our lives, so it’s in our best interest to figure out how to deal with them.

Enjoy the video!

By the way, I filmed this video in a hotel at nearly midnight with my camera propped on an ice bucket…oh the professionalism!  : )

I’d love to hear from you.  What have you found to be helpful in overcoming the obstacles you’ve encountered in your life?  

I’d also like to hear what you think about the video format?  Do you like or do you prefer the fully written post?  Please let me know in the comments below.

Thanks and have a great day!

Jill xx

/10 Comments/by
, , , ,

Get Back On Track After Falling Off the Wagon

Do you feel like you’ve experienced a bit of whiplash with how quickly these last two months have flown by?

I sat down the other day and reviewed my written goals for the year (which I strongly urge you to do at least once per month) and realized that of the 15 goals I set back in January, I’m only following through with eight of them.  I know I should be happy with the progress of the eight, but it’s the other seven that are staring me down and making me feel bad.

Here’s the deal–and I’m talking to myself just as much as I’m talking to you: There’s no time to sit around and feel bad about what could have been.  It’s time to get back on the wagon.  We can’t change the past, but we can certainly learn from it.

I’ve got three simple steps to get us back on the right track.  There’s no time like the present, so let’s get started!

NOTE: If you wrote your original goals in a journal, I suggest you do the following exercise in that same place.  It’s helpful when you can look back and review where you’ve been and what you’ve accomplished.

First Step:  Figure out what the stumbling block has been for you to achieve or move forward with your goals.  Warning…you’re gonna have to be introspective and honest with yourself in this step.  It might even be helpful to put the superhero cape aside during this exercise.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Do the goals I came up short on, scare me somehow? What fears do I experience when thinking about those goals?
  2. Are my goals unrealistic? Have I set too many goals?  Have I set crazy timelines that I can’t possibly meet with the demands my busy schedule?
  3. Have I failed to set proper systems (time management, accountability, etc) in place to help me succeed?

Second Step:  Now that you’ve defined the problem, the next step is to figure out how to fix it.  Let’s address the three questions you answered above:

  1. Fears: Break down any fears you have associated with your goals. Oftentimes, when we break things down like this into bite-sized pieces, the “scariness” falls away. Now, these bite-sized portions of your big goal become manageable mini-goals.  Now you can begin working on each mini-goal, one by one, until completion.  This really works!
  2. Unrealistic goals: Maybe you were a little ambitious, like I was, at the beginning of the year and set too many goals. If that’s the case, list out and prioritize your goals.  Maybe keep the top 3-4 and drop the others.  You can always focus on those you dropped later in the year or even next year.  If the main problem is the unrealistic deadlines you set for some of your goals, then set new dates that are more realistic to match your lifestyle.
  3. No systems in place: Say your goal was to organize your house this year, but you didn’t set up a proper system to accomplish it. Now you’re sitting here a couple months later with the same mess and even more stress about it.  Make it your goal today to set up a system that will help you achieve success.  It may be as easy as creating a weekly project checklist.  Don’t overwhelm yourself by assigning yourself too many tasks each week.  Maybe set two 30 minute time slots per week to tackle a specific area in your home.  Once you finish that area, start on the next.Just as we talked about earlier, cutting your goal up into bite-size pieces will cut back on the overwhelm and make your project manageable.  This is key…Don’t forget to keep yourself accountable by scheduling this in your calendar and set a timer to work by.  Take your goals seriously and don’t let anything interrupt the time you’ve set aside to accomplish these goals.

As I mentioned earlier, I fell off the wagon on some of my goals this year, too.  Here is how I worked through the exercise we just outlined:

I’ve narrowed it down to two trouble areas for me:

  1. Problem: Wasting too much time online.  I would start to do some research for a blog post I was working on and next thing I knew I was reading about Madonna’s daughter’s new fashion line!  And just so you know, my research had nothing to do with fashion!  It’s super easy to get sucked into the online vortex, but admitting your problem is the first step, right?
    My fix:  About a month ago I began setting a pretty strict morning schedule for myself.  The routine has been great, but after the first month, I realized I needed a little more structure to ensure my success, so I incorporated tracking each of my daily tasks in a planner and using a timer.  This has worked very well.  Daily accountability in black and white and on a countdown!By the way, I plan to write an entire post on the beauty and benefits of setting a morning routine (even for you non-morning people) with some really great tips for you to consider, so be on the lookout for that in the future.
  2. Problem: I was overly ambitious and set too many goals.
    My fix: I had to reprioritize my goals and drop some of my overambitious goals off my list.  The ones I dropped are still important to me, but I dropped them in an effort to do better in certain areas and not spread myself too thin.  I will revisit those goals in the future.

I hope working through this exercise will help you to get back on track.  It has helped me!  Now, one last thing…

Third, stay positive!  Don’t dwell on what could have been.  As long as you made an effort to understand what the obstacles to your progress were, and have set some solutions, get back on the wagon and enjoy the ride!  Pat yourself on the back for the successes you’ve already had this year.  Even if you’ve only accomplished or have improved on one goal on your list–good job!

I’d like to hear from you.  How are you doing now that we’re two months into the year?  Are you doing well with achieving your goals, or can you relate to this post?  What have you struggled with?  Please do tell…you’re helping others by sharing.

As always, thanks for spending time with me today.

Jill xx

P.S.  If you haven’t already subscribed to my blog, please do so now by entering your email address in the form on my site.  You will receive a weekly post filled with inspiration, a fresh perspective, and a challenge to create the life you want and love.

/0 Comments/by
, , , ,

Never Stop Learning

 

“The greatest enemy of learning is knowing.” John Maxwell

What do you think about Maxwell’s quote?  It’s a little counter-intuitive, isn’t it?

Knowing is good, right?

Socrates said the only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing.

Hmmmm….

The point Maxwell and Socrates are trying to make is to never stop learning.

The moment we claim to know all that we need to know is the moment we should fear, not celebrate.  There is, and always will be, more to learn.

One of the most beloved and revered coaches of all time, John Wooden, put it this way, “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

When’s the last time you learned something new?  Are you working on something now, or has your life grown a bit stagnant?

If nothing’s coming to mind, this may be the perfect time to commit to learning something.

Maybe in reading this, something popped in your mind immediately that you’d like to get started on.  If so, go get ‘em!

Need some inspiration to get your “learning” juices flowing?  Here’s a list of 20 ideas to get you started:

  • Learn a new language.
  • Learn to cook. Too broad?  Learn to cook Asian food.
  • Learn to plant and grow a vegetable garden.
  • Learn a new productivity system to be more effective. (I’m working on this one now.)
  • Learn to play a musical instrument.
  • Learn to play tennis.
  • Learn to blog. (I did!)
  • Learn to sail.
  • Learn to listen. (Don’t laugh, this one can take a lifetime for some.)
  • Learn to take good photos.
  • Learn to tile a floor.
  • Learn public speaking. (I tried this and bailed after a couple months.  Bailing can be ok for the right reasons.)
  • Learn to build wooden birdhouses.
  • Learn something new to help your business grow.
  • Learn to budget and manage your money well.  (Working on this one too.)
  • Learn a photo editing software to “play” with your photos.
  • Learn to knit or crochet. (I’ve always wanted to do this!  Saving for retirement.)
  • Learn to whittle.
  • Learn to upholster a piece of furniture.
  • Learn to restore old books.
  • Learn to __________________. You fill in this one.

The possibilities are endless.  Find something that sounds fun–even challenging–and go for it!

How to Start/Continue the Learning Process Today:

  • Read. Read. Read. Learn from the “masters.”
  • Take an online class or a class at your local community college, community center, craft guild, music center, etc.
  • Ask a friend to teach you something they know well.
  • Ask questions of those you are learning from. Lots of questions!
  • Listen to podcasts. There are podcasts on pretty much any topic you can imagine.
  • Browse the web for DIY how-to sites, pick a project, and get to work.

If any of this seems overwhelming, just focus on taking one step at a time.  Always keep your end goal in site, but break down the steps to get there into manageable pieces.

I’d love to hear what new things you have been or will be learning about.  Please share in the comments section below.

Have a great day!

Jill xx

/4 Comments/by
, , ,

How To Set and Achieve Your Goals in the New Year

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”  – Henry David Thoreau

As we approach the New Year, 45% of Americans will set a New Year’s resolution.  The most common resolutions involve losing weight, getting organized, and spending less and saving more money.  The bummer is that only 8% of those will be successful in achieving their resolution.  Only 8%!

The dictionary defines resolution as a firm decision to do or not to do something.  Whereas, a goal is defined as the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.

In years past I have resolved to exercise more and boy oh boy, those first three or four weeks were awesome!!  Next thing I knew excuses would slip in as to why something else was a better use of my time.  Sometimes that “something” was nothing but catching the latest episode of House Hunters International!

What went wrong?

Most people who fail in their New Year’s resolutions set unrealistic goals and/or expectations and oftentimes resolve to do something that they are not really ready to do.  In the case of my failed resolution attempt, it was not taking into account the type of exercise that would be fun and motivational for me, and setting overambitious, unrealistic goals—a surefire way to burn out.

As Thoreau points out in his statement above, it’s what you become by achieving your goals that is important.

We all want to be the best version of ourselves and lead meaningful lives, right?  If so, we must first get serious with deciding on what it is that we will resolve to do to become that best version of ourselves.

How do we do this?

We set goals that get to the heart of who or what we want to become.

Following are some tips and points to consider as you set your goals in an effort to be the best YOU for the New Year and beyond!

REFLECT on the past year—the good, the bad, and the ugly.  What were you most proud of, what did you enjoy the most, what failure can you learn from, what helped you to become more of the person you want to be?  Reflection will help you to examine and learn from your past experiences in order to fine-tune your future steps.

DON’T COPY someone else’s goals just because you think they’re awesome.  It’s ok to look to others for inspiration, but it’s critical to set goals that are realistic and unique to you.  As Oscar Wilde put it, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

BE INCLUSIVE.  It’s important to give attention to all areas in your life when setting goals.  If your goals are all centered on finances and you ignore the relationships in your life, then you will never achieve a life of balance or be the best version of yourself.  I broke down my goals this year into four categories: Well-being (includes exercise, diet, and spirituality), Relationships, Business, and Financial.  I then included 3-5 goals under each category.  Be careful about setting too many goals—overwhelming yourself like this can cause you to abandon ALL your goals.

THINK SMART.  S.M.A.R.T. goal-setting is a method used to define and break down goals in the following way: Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Bound.  Click here for an in-depth post I wrote about using this method.

WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN and you will be 42% more likely to achieve success with those goals.  Enough said.  Click here to check out Dr. Gail Matthews’ research on the subject.  By the way, I wrote my goals in a journal a friend gave me for Christmas and then I use this goal-setting worksheet I created to work on the details.

SHARE WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST.  I am a firm believer in having an accountability partner for certain goals.  This person can be someone actively involved in helping you to achieve your goals or they can be someone you periodically count on to bounce ideas off or receive a word of encouragement or advice from.  Please choose this person carefully–forget about the “smoke-blowers” and the naysayers and choose someone who has your best interest at heart.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!  You are your best advocate.  Don’t let negative self-talk make you believe something that is not true.

Wishing you a New Year filled with blessings!

One last thing…I’ve got some great stuff planned this next year for my blog. Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing!  Just enter your email in the box above or below this post and you will receive new posts via email each week.

Jill xx

/2 Comments/by
, , ,

Overwhelmed by the Holidays?

Tis the season to be…..

Overwhelmed??

Wait a minute.  I thought this was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year!

Each year I see more and more people running around trying to complete an insanely huge list of things they think they should get done during the holiday season.  It’s important to note that most of these people running around do not have smiles on their faces.

Did you know that holiday gift shopping is up 8% from last year and shoppers around the country say they are planning to spend an average of $861?  That’s a lot of money and who decided that more is more!  The upside this year is that 54% of these shoppers will not be adding to the traffic jams around town because they will be making their purchases online.

Whether you are in full overwhelm mode, are in denial of your state of overwhelm, or it’s just about to set in, here are a few suggestions to make this holiday season a little merrier and bright.

Prioritize.  What is the most important thing about the holiday season to you?  Put aside what you think you should do and decide what is truly important to you.  Is it spending time with family?  Volunteering in the community?  Having the best Christmas light show in town?  Make a list and spend your time on the top two to three items.  Chances are those items that fall to the bottom of the list are the culprits that kick you into overwhelm each year.  Get rid of them and don’t feel guilty about it.

Get Rid of the Guilt.  A lot of the guilt we feel during the holiday season is based on not meeting a list of unrealistic expectations.  Guess what?  When you create the priority list above, you are starting fresh and setting your own realistic expectations.  For example, for years I felt guilty when I didn’t send out Christmas cards.  The problem was that I wanted to personalize each and every one and that would take forever, so instead I didn’t do anything at all.  One year I decided to send a card to anyone I loved that was over the age of 80.  I accomplished my Christmas card task that year.  Granted, I only had to send 5 or 6 cards, but I did it.  The key was taking a task and making it manageable and realistic for me.

Curb the Cookie Cussing!  When you are cursing under your breath while baking the 27th batch of cookies, it may be time to step away from the rolling pin!  If you have committed to making cookies for your 27 closest friends, but hate every minute of it—stop it!  Your friends will still love you, even if you don’t deliver cookies to their doorstep this year.  Don’t want to deprive yourself of the entire baking experience?  Maybe making a batch of cookies with your family on Christmas Eve is more manageable and realistic for you.

Party Like It’s 1999 or Not!  Don’t feel that you have to attend every holiday party.  You may get uninvited in future years, I know I have, but adding 22 parties to your already busy schedule can drag you down.  Question?  Why does everyone and their brother choose to throw a party in December anyway?  I know our houses look pretty with all the decorations, but wouldn’t it be great if groups of friends would put the names of all the months in a hat and draw out their designated party month?  This way we would have a nice party to look forward to each month throughout the year!

Be a Blessing to Others.  There are lots of opportunities in each of our communities to be a blessing to those who are less fortunate or lonely.  Consider helping out at a homeless shelter or food bank, sing carols at a nursing home, visit a home-bound person who doesn’t have family around, or donate a gift for a child that may only receive that one gift.

How are you doing this holiday season?  Are you in the overwhelmed category or have you found a good balance?  Tell us about it in the comment section below.

Wishing you each a very peaceful and happy holiday season filled with love!

Jill xx

/2 Comments/by
, , , , ,

Dreams Can Come True

Last week we talked about dreaming big and why many of us do not.

The main reasons I see dreams dashed are: fear, procrastination, and listening to negative talk–either from yourself or others.

Did you notice I didn’t say the main reason people don’t fulfill their dreams is because they don’t have an MBA or gobs of money in the bank?

Following are 8 steps that anyone can use to begin the process of making their dream become a reality.  

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work.” ~ Colin Powell

  1.  Find your passion. Sounds easy doesn’t it? For some people it is.  For the rest of us, it can be a life-time struggle and endless search.

Merriam-Webster defines passion as:  A strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.

With this definition in mind, here are a few questions for you to ponder:

  • What is so exciting that it keeps you up at night?
    Writing, cooking, knitting, opening a restaurant, wanting to help others, drawing, etc.?  You fill in the “blank”.
    NOTE: If you read my last post, you may have already worked on this list.  If not, grab a notepad or journal and jot down some ideas now.
  • Here’s another way to look at it.  What do you get supercharged about?  In conversation, what topic pops up that you just can’t get enough of?  For me, it’s talking to someone about their dreams and goals in life and helping them to figure out a game plan to make it all a reality.
  • What are you curious about?
  • What is most important to you in life?  Stability, adventure, comfort, helping others, tons of money, early retirement, etc.?

What sticks out on your list?  Did something in particular rise to the surface?  Yes?  If so, move on to the next step.

If you didn’t come up with anything earthshaking today, don’t worry.  These questions are good ones to get you thinking and exploring ideas.  Put your list down and come back to it later.  For now, let’s move on to the next step.

  1.  Dreams can come true. Have you admitted to yourself that the ideas and excitement that keep you up at night are part of a dream that could actually become your reality? Sometimes we keep our dreams in a little box that we only allow ourselves to take quick peeks inside before closing it up again.

I dreamed about starting this blog three years before I actually did.  I came up with every imaginable excuse of why it wouldn’t work… you don’t know how to write, who wants to hear what you have to say, stick with helping others figure out how to achieve their dreams–not your own, you don’t have time for any “side” projects.  Want to know the turning point for making my dream of creating this blog come true?  Long story short, I had a neck injury that had me lying flat on my back in pain for several days.  Besides praying for relief, I reflected on what’s important in life.  I realized that writing this blog was something I felt I was meant to do, even if that meant me stepping out of my comfort zone.

  1.  Realize if your dream is just that–a dream (best left on the pillow). If you are 50 years old, have never ice skated, but have decided that you are going to make your Olympic ice skating career a reality, it may be in your best interest to come up with a dream that’s a bit more realistic. The next step (#4) will help reel you in with this one.  You may come to realize that some things are better enjoyed as hobbies.
  2.  Take action. Ok, so now you’ve got a great idea and you are convinced it’s not just a pipe dream. Time to get moving! If you don’t start, you’re not going to get anywhere, are ya? I suggest you define and evaluate your goals by using the S.M.A.R.T goal setting method.

Here’s how to break down the S.M.A.R.T. acronym:

  • SPECIFIC – What do you want to accomplish?  Break it down.  Be very specific.
    Not specific: I will write a book.
    Specific: I will write 2 chapters in my book every week.
  • MEASURABLE – Figure out how to quantifiably measure your goal.  Put some concrete numbers down here.
    Not measureable: I will earn a ton of money when my book is published.
    Measureable: I will earn $175,000 in profit after publishing my first book.
  • ATTAINABLE – Is your goal something that can be achieved within the framework of what you can commit to?
    Not attainable: I will write 14 hours per day while holding down my full-time day job, too.
    Yes: I will spend 2 hours per night devoted to writing.
  • REALISTIC – This goes back to the Olympic figure skating example earlier.  Is your goal realistic within your abilities, experience, etc.?
    Not realistic: I will skate in the next Winter Olympics at the age of 51.
    Realistic: I will take ice skating lessons and join an over 50 ice skating club.
  • TIME BOUND – Every goal should have a deadline.  I have found that when I don’t assign a deadline, the goal will be pushed back to the end of the line time and again.
    Not time bound: I will write two books.
    Time bound: I will write my first book by the end of the year and complete my second book within 18 months following.

I have created a form to help you organize your S.M.A.R.T. goals.  Click here to download your free S.M.A.R.T. goal tracker.

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”  ~ Conrad Hilton

  1.  Let it evolve.  Now that you’ve got your S.M.A.R.T. goals written down, don’t let how you think the plan should play out overrule the organic evolution of “the dream”. Often times we try to control the outcome so much that we miss out on the beauty of the natural creative flow that takes place. Yes, it’s important to write down goals and have a plan of action, but there may be opportunities that present themselves along the way that change the course a bit.  How you get there may change, just keep the end goal in focus!
  2.  Don’t get distracted. Do you tend to have the “shiny object” problem? At times I will be steadily working on a project and decide to stop and check my emails.  The “I’ll just check real quick,” does not work.  The next thing I know, I have responded to several emails, checked Facebook, and it’s an hour later.  Don’t allow yourself to be caught in a time-suck that throws you off your game!  Stay focused!
  3.  Visualize your dreams coming true.  This part is fun! Who hasn’t had the, “What would you do if you won the lottery conversation?” When we visualize a desired outcome, our brains can sense that motivation and new ideas will begin to materialize.  My husband visualized hitting a softball solidly out of the park when we were on an amateur league at my office years ago.  You know what?  Almost every single time he stepped up to bat, he hit it out of the park!  A large part of training takes place when you close your eyes.  Visualizing creates muscle memory.  The same idea can work to help you see your dreams come to fruition.
  4.  Celebrate your successes (even the ones that some people call failures). Cue the Kool & The Gang song… ♪ ♪ Celebrate good times, come on! ♪ ♪  Determine “success milestones” and celebrate your accomplishments. The process of realizing your dreams can be hard work! Go ahead and pat yourself on the back…treat yourself to a large pepperoni pizza…get that mani/pedi—and then get back to work.

On the other hand, learn from your mistakes. Consider your mistakes a gift.  A gift that is used wisely will bring you much success in the future.  The key is to avoid making the same mistakes again and again.

Ok, so now you have 8 steps to get you moving in the right direction to making your dreams come true.

Hold on!  I’m going to add one more important step.  Let’s call it THE GOLDEN BONUS STEP.  This one will take some courage but will pay off.

Here it is…THE GOLDEN BONUS STEP!  Tell me (in the comment section below) what two steps you will take in the next 24 hours to work toward your dream.  Don’t let this step intimidate you.  Maybe your two steps will be to print out the goal setting sheet and spend 15 minutes each day over the next week working on completing the sheet.  That’s awesome!!  As a matter of fact, you can just copy what I just wrote and paste it in the comment section below.  Sometimes just publicly saying you are going to do something, will keep you motivated (and held accountable) when you feel like giving up.

Remember, I am here to offer you direction and encouragement along the way.  If you have questions on anything I have written about here, just ask.  I would love to help you work toward making your dreams come true!

If you found this post helpful, inspiring, or just plain awesome, please be kind and share with others.

Jill xx

/2 Comments/by
, , ,

Why We Procrastinate and How to Stop!

“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.” ― Rita Mae Brown

Who can relate with Miss Rita Mae? My arm is raised up high as I write this!

I have a natural inclination to procrastinate, especially when it comes to non-work related things. As a matter of fact, most Friday nights I am up until the wee hours finishing my Saturday blog post.

Sometimes, I think my best work is done under pressure! Other times–not so much. Let’s face it, procrastination can be painful; it can cause major undue stress.
I once heard someone say that procrastination is like a credit card, it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.

So, why do we procrastinate? Following are six causes of procrastination and some helpful “fixes” for each one.

• Fear.
Fear rears its ugly head so often with procrastinators. These fears are mainly based on two factors:
1. Fear of failure. This can be a tough one to overcome. Our egos get in the way and that voice in our head telling us we are unworthy often speaks louder than the truth.
2. Fear of success. This seems odd, doesn’t it? Who doesn’t want success in their life? Success can actually be quite scary. Just think about the amount of work that could come with your new-found success. How about the new expectations, from yourself and others, that may come along with success?

In either case, fears, founded or not, are powerful and hard to overcome.

The Fix: Put your fears in perspective. Ask yourself, is there a history that substantiates my fear? What is the worst case scenario? Oftentimes, working through these questions will ease your fears. Another thing to do, especially if ‘fear of success’ is stopping you from moving forward, is to create a plan of action for your success. Seriously — without getting too crazy — think about a few scenarios that might come up if your potential success were to come to light, and create a general plan for how you would handle each scenario. Creating this plan will help organize your thoughts and get you motivated! A good plan will have fear shaking in its boots!

• Too Many Distractions.
I am the queen of having 10 internet tabs open at once, 10 emails in process, and 10 apps going at the same time. This can prove to be very distracting. There is a time and a place for multi-tasking, and when you need to really focus, clearing out distractions will not only help to get things done quicker, but the final product will usually be better.

The Fix: Focus on one thing at a time. When I work on my blog posts, I work in a Word document and only visit the internet for research. I don’t allow myself to check Facebook, Twitter, or my email. I even turn off the ringers on my phone. I also close out my email or, at least mute the sound notifications. I don’t know about you, but when I hear that alert announcing a new email, it’s hard to not take a “quick peek”.

• Too much on Your Plate.
Sometimes our schedules can become so packed that we become overwhelmed with even the simplest tasks. People don’t do their best work when frazzled, overworked, or spread too thin.

The Fix: Take a look at your calendar. What can you cut? If I hear you saying you can’t cut one thing, think again. One woman I know decided that with kids, her job, and volunteer activities she needed to cut something out so that her family could have clean clothes and she could get the things done she needed to. That’s right! She decided to pay someone to come in once or twice a week for a few hours to do the laundry. It may sound like something only the rich can afford. Not true. She had to cut back on eating out a bit, but that was worth the benefit of having clean and folded laundry. Figure out the highest and best use of your time and make some changes in your life today.

• Lack of Prioritization.
Some things are more important than others. Some things are more fun to do than others. When you don’t have an order of priority, the general tendency will be to do the easier things first. Easiest does NOT equal top priority!

The Fix: Make a list of “to-do” items you need to get done. I like to draw a square check box next to each item on my list. Placing that check mark in the box upon completion is very fulfilling. Yes, I will admit, I’ve even been known to complete a task that wasn’t on my list and add it to the list just so I could check it off. 

• Lack of Motivation.
There are some things in life that we must do regardless of whether we like doing them or not. Everyone has that one thing that they dread. I have two: cleaning the bathroom and having the oil changed in my car!

The Fix: Remember how you just made your grand “to-do” list and prioritized each task? Consider placing the things you don’t want to do higher in your priority list. Of course, don’t sacrifice important deadlines for other tasks. It’s your list, so no one is going to kill you if you ignore the dreadful tasks, but wouldn’t you rather just get them done and move on? Hold yourself accountable. Remember saying to your friends in school, “I swear to God on the Holy Bible”? Try similar statements to yourself when you’re trying to get stuff done. I use it sparingly, but boy does it hold me accountable! 

• Just Plain Lazy.
You know what I’m talking about. You’ve been there. It’s Saturday morning and all you want to do is stay in your jammies, drink coffee, and do crossword puzzles. I know, I’ve been there too. Sometimes we need this type of downtime and there is nothing wrong with that, but if this is something that seems to be an overriding theme in your life, you may want to consider some alternative Saturday options.

The Fix: If you know you have these tendencies, you may want to make accommodations for downtime in your checklist, so that you get some “lazy” time in your schedule. There’s nothing like lazy-time after you’ve checked a bunch off your “to-do” list!

I hope the suggestions above will help you get moving in the right direction.

Where do you struggle with procrastination?  What tips work for you to help stop procrastination?  Share your comments below.

P.S. I had to get this post done early so I could go camping. Nothing like a little incentive to get ya movin’!

/3 Comments/by
, , , ,

The Beauty of Living a Life of Balance

Have you noticed that a lot of people are running around with a crazed look in their eyes?

The other day, I was talking with a friend and I let out this weird cackle-laugh that I had never heard before! The translation of my cackle was “Oh my gosh, I love talking to you and what you just said was seriously funny, but I have 1,467 things to do before I leave for my vacation!!!”

So maybe we all feel a bit frazzled before leaving for vacation, but if we look around us and, better yet, look within ourselves — we may notice that we are all stumbling around a bit unbalanced.

Answer me this: On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being super-balanced, to 1 being on the verge of falling apart, where do you stand in the balance department?

I would guess that most of us have been or are currently in the lower half.  If you are reading this and happen to fall in the super-balanced end of the spectrum, feel free to skip to the end of this post and leave a comment with your best tips. Sharing is caring, people!

So, if you find yourself in a place where you are stressed, maybe even resentful of the direction your days go, read on, there is hope to be found here.

Let’s talk about some ideas and actionable steps to creating a life of beautiful balance.

Realize and admit you need to make some changes.
The first step to positive change is admitting there is work to be done, adjustments to be made. This seems like an easy step, but many of us have a hard time admitting that we don’t have it all together. Here’s the deal, not one single person on earth has it all together. Each and every one of us has room for improvement.

Stop the comparison game.
Live your life, not your neighbor’s life. You were created for a specific purpose, with gifts that are specially yours. The most honorable thing you can do is to be who you were meant to be.

Write a top 10 priority list.
What are the non-negotiables in your life? Be specific here. If riding 100 miles/week on your bike is critical to your well-being, include that. Don’t leave off the boring stuff, like doing laundry and yard maintenance.

Remember that this is not a bucket list. It’s a list of things that need to get done on a regular basis type of list.

Also remember that you want to enjoy your life, so including hobby or exercise time is not only fun but is beneficial to your health.

NOTE: non-negotiables will change throughout your life. It’s a good idea to review this list at least once per year.

Here is my list as an example:

priority list small

Take a look at your calendar.
Write down or print out a full typical month of your calendar. Many of us may not include grocery shopping, picking up dry cleaning, visiting a friend in the hospital, etc. in our calendar, but for this exercise, adding these items is important. Don’t get caught up in the details of exact shopping times or days of the week, just get it all down on paper.

Reflection time: Are your calendar and top 10 priority list in sync?

Just Say NO!
Now that you’ve got it all down in black and white, do you see anything glaringly obvious that you just don’t have time for?

It’s time to make some cuts.

If you are a parent, it may be that hauling your kids around to four different practices is killing you.

If you are a business person, it may be that working 14 hours per day is killing you.

It may be that you are trying to pack too much fun into your calendar. This may sound absurd, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

Take some time to decide what you will say no to. It took 43 years for me to become comfortable with saying no (by the way, as I write this I am 43 & 3/4). Still a work in progress.

Now before you try and convince yourself that saying no is mean or a bad thing to do, let me stop you there. When you have the courage to say no you are clearing out room for a well-cultivated YES!

Unplug. I love technology! With that being said, please unplug from your virtual world for set periods of time. Facebooking, Tweeting, and surfing the net can be a major time suck. You will not be able to achieve balance if you are living your life through a screen. (If you did not include technology time in your non-negotiable list, then consider adding it now.)

Set some personal boundaries.
The purpose of boundaries are to protect. Saying no is one such boundary that will protect you.

The lines on our freeways are boundaries that keep us from crashing into one another. The boundaries set on a football field create order.

The boundaries we set in our lives will protect us physically and emotionally. Do yourself a favor and set some boundaries.

One such boundary might be that you will not work more than 50 hours/week.

Another could be related to friendships or other relationships. There are all types of people, some can suck the life out of you. Creating a boundary of when and where you are willing to interact with these type of people is a good thing.

Be kind to yourself.  
Allow yourself some grace in this process. Finding the right balance for you can take some time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?

Allow tweaking to perfect your balance. If you fall off the wagon, just jump back on. As we talked about earlier, if you aren’t comparing yourself to someone else, you won’t beat yourself up as bad.

Today, more than ever, the lines of balance are blurred.  A lot more is expected of us, both by others and ourselves. Creating a life of balance is critical to our well-being and as models to future generations.

Which steps in finding balance do you struggle with the most?

Do you have some helpful ideas to add to the list here?

I would really love to hear from you. Please comment in the box below.

Jill xo

/10 Comments/by