I received a package in the mail this week that contained my mother’s autopsy report.  She died 11 years ago, but some of her things were sent to me recently after my step-dad passed away.  My mom’s death certificate, which I had a copy of, listed her immediate cause of death as “complications due to alcohol use”.  Until now, I’d never laid eyes on the actual autopsy report.

I didn’t know it back then, but I wasn’t ready to read this report, full of detail, 11 years ago.  I was too close to my loss and too wrapped up in the pain of my circumstances.  Reading it at that time would have been like pouring alcohol into an open wound.

Reading the narrative from the medical examiner’s office this week was not pleasant–I felt nauseous and I sat and cried for a while.  But, you know what I realized?  It didn’t feel like a Band-Aid being ripped off an exposed wound.  It just felt like I was reading a sad chapter in my mom’s life…in my life.

The lens in which I view that part of my life is different now, it’s more focused—in a good way.

These last 11 years have taught me plenty, but these two quotes beautifully sum up what I know to be true today.

“Every single thing that has happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.” –Unknown Author Read more