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3 Secrets to Managing Your Expectations

What if I told you that you could cut back on frustration, disappointment, and preserve your relationships, all in 3 simple steps?

OK, that may have sounded a bit like an infomercial!  JUST 3 SIMPLE STEPS for $19.99!! Order now while supplies last!! (Best if read in your best late-night infomercial voice.)

But seriously…who wants to feel these negative emotions and threaten our most precious relationships?

The key is to managing your expectations.

Think about all the life events in which we either don’t know what to expect or we have a very clear expectation, but for one reason or another, that expectation is dismantled when #LIFEHAPPENS.

What sort of expectations do you have around the circumstances of your life?  There’s no one way to handle a newly emptied nest, a divorce, a scary diagnosis, a rebellious child, a new job, losing a job, a difficult relationship, or any other life-transition, but you can sure hedge your bets for a smoother experience if you learn to manage your expectations.

These 3 steps will help…

I’d love to hear from you.  In the comments below, tell me which of these steps is the most difficult for you.  The 2nd and 3rd have been my main stumbling blocks, but you know what? Just reminding ourselves of steps like these are how we get back on track.

As always, I appreciate you spending time with me here today.

Here’s to successfully managing our expectations in an effort to live our best lives!

Jill xx

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Are You Making Decisions Based on Fear or Joy?

As summer rolls around, there will be lots of opportunities to do stuff.  It’s a nice feeling when we have time, choices, and a variety of opportunities in front of us, but just make sure you’re not making decisions based on the fear of missing out.

Fear of missing out, or FOMO, is when a person experiences anxiety at the thought of missing out on an exciting or interesting event.  Chances are, when people make decisions based on their fear of missing out, they aren’t thinking about how missing out might actually bring them joy.  Yes, there’s a term for that too!  JOMO = Joy of Missing Out.

Imagine on Friday night a bunch of your friends decide to get together at the new (and highly anticipated) restaurant in town.  You’ve heard the food is divine, and to top it off, this particular evening they have an award-winning cellist playing.  It all sounds great, but the reality is, you’ve worked hard all week and you’re dead-tired.  You have two choices.  Which wins?  FOMO or JOMO?  P.S. JOMO includes kicking up your feet in your favorite chair or couch, pajamas, and a good book or movie.  Unless you’re under the age of 35, I’m thinking most of us would seize the opportunity to embrace the joy of missing out.

Either way, a life in which we make decisions based on joy, as opposed to reacting to fear, is always a good choice.

So, as opportunities present themselves in the coming days, weeks, months, and years, try and run your decisions through your FOMO/JOMO filter.

The switch from FOMO to JOMO will be difficult for some, while others will find the transition easy and life-affirming.

One way to do this is learning to understand the underlying factors for your FOMO.  On the flip-side, it’s also important to understand what it is that brings you the most joy.

Following are a couple suggestions:

  1.  Make a list of likes/priorities and dislikes/unimportant  

You know I’m big on getting things out on paper.  Some of my best thinking comes from brain-dumping and mind-mapping.  There’s such power in emptying your mind of all thoughts on a certain topic and then seeing them there in front of you in black and white.

So, get your paper out and divide it into two columns.

On the left side, write out what activities (including doing nothing) you value and get the most out of.  On this same column write out who (by name) is most important to you.  For example, if one of the activities you include as a priority is building relationships, then make sure to be clear on who or what type of person you would like to invest your time in.  If you don’t narrow it down, you may find yourself saying yes to things and people that meet your goal of building relationships, but in reality you’re investing your time and energy into the wrong people.

On the right side of your paper, write out things you don’t consider a valuable investment of your time.  Include the things you have a tendency to get sucked into, but that aren’t necessarily important to you.  Think about the things that you say yes to because of your fear of missing out.  You’re going to have to be real honest with yourself here.

  1. Reflect on the causes for both your fears and joys.    

FEAR

Now that you’ve got this all down on paper, it’s time to understand what’s causing you fear of missing out on something.  Here are some possible reasons:

Fear of not being in the “know”.
Fear of not being invited again.
Fear of others experiencing things that you won’t.
Fear of being left out.
Fear of living a life that isn’t what people would expect from you.
Fear of disappointing others.  (Hand raised over here!  I’m a recovering people-pleaser and can attest to the hard work this takes to overcome.)

Whatever the reason for your fear of missing out, the key is to identify it and begin working toward eradicating it.  Sometimes all you’ll need is to identify the problem and make a decision to stop thinking or acting a certain way.  Other times, you’ll have to do some soul-searching and maybe even partake in counseling to overcome your fears.

JOY

Now, for the fun part!  Spend some time reflecting on what brings you joy.

Is it from spending time with people you love?  Your faith?  Wild experiences?  Helping others?  Spending time alone?  A hobby?  Your work?

You’ll find that when you frame your choices around doing that which brings you joy, any FOMO will be replaced with JOMO.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else.”

The key to JOMO is being selective with who, what, where, and when you spend your time and attention.  Yes, you miss out on things, but you won’t mind because you’re CHOOSING JOY!

Have you experienced FOMO?  Do you think framing your decisions with the idea of JOMO will help you?  Please leave  a comment below, I’d love to hear from you.

Jill xx

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Do The Next Thing

You know what I want for all of us?  Hint: It’s my favorite thing to write about on this blog and to personally strive for in my everyday life: Joyful, intentional, balanced living.

Dictionary.com defines these words as follows:

Joyful:  Full of joy, as a person or one’s heart; glad; delighted.
Intentional: Done with intention or on purpose.
Balanced: Being in harmonious or proper arrangement or adjustment, proportion,etc.

Joy.  Purpose.  Harmony.  I feel a song coming on!!

If only it were as easy as singing a song and — voila! Done.  We live happily ever after, day after day, with joy, purpose, and harmony.

The problem is when we have those those long days (and sometimes even weeks) where we feel frustrated, stuck, exhausted, or overwhelmed.

Those awful days that steal our joy, have us forgetting that we do have a significant purpose, and those days that we feel so out of whack, that balance is the farthest thing from what we feel.

I’ve just experienced a bit of this feeling recently and after I let myself sit in the dumps for a bit, I decided to follow one piece of advice that is like a miracle cure to get you back on the joyful, intentional, balanced train.

Do.  The.  Next.  Thing.  

That’s it!

Remember the song, Put One Foot In Front of The Other?  It’s as simple as that.

It sounds pretty easy, especially when you’re singing that song, but when you’re feeling depressed, unmotivated, confused, anxious, overwhelmed, ticked-off, unsure, worthless, unhappy, or even just lazy, it’s not easy — at all.

I find when things are hard like this, the key is to break projects down into small actionable steps and pick one thing to do.  Now don’t overthink it.  If you start to overthink it, don’t allow yourself.  Pick one thing and start with that.  Who cares if it’s not the most critical thing that needs to be done?!  We’re not in the frame of mind to be hyper-organized right now!  After you do that first thing, then do the next thing.

For example, say you have people coming over in a couple hours and you’re on the verge of cancelling everything because your house is trashed, you’re in a bad mood, and the cat just puked on the floor.

My suggestion is to clean the cat puke up first, otherwise you might step in it later and then you’re really gonna fly off the handle or just sit down and cry.

Then…

Make yourself go into one room that people you have coming over will see, jot down the top 2-3 things that need to be done and do the one on the top of your list. Then…do the next thing.  Then…do the next thing.  Then, move on to the next room and do the same thing.

Did you see what happened?  You just got that one room ready by practicing doing the next thing.

At this point, as you begin to tackle the next room, a strange whistling sound may escape your mouth!  Yes, you may begin to feel happy, because you’re getting stuff done, my friend!

Now, imagine you’re so flustered that the thought of even writing a 2-3 item to-do list per room will send you over the edge.  That’s ok.  You, my friend, are going to go into one of the rooms that people will see and look down or off to the side and pick something up.  Take that thing and put it in its proper place.  Continue in that same room, just doing the next thing until the room is sufficiently ready to be used by you and your guests.

These “next things” can span from changing the next diaper, to picking up the next dust-bunny, to writing the next check, to paying your bills, to pulling the next weed, to putting the next dish in the dishwasher, to writing that next sentence in your journal, to calling the next house repair person on your list, to writing that next proposal, to mailing that next condolence card, to filling out the next online form, to calling the next person you need to follow up with on something….

You see where I’m going with this?  There is major power in just doing the next thing.  When you create momentum by doing the next thing, it will help bring you to a place of joy, intention, and balance.  That’s the way we’re supposed to be living!

You might not be able to achieve it in one afternoon, but as that momentum builds, you start creating order in your life which allows room for joy, intention, and balance.

Here’s to you leading a joyful, intentional, and balanced life, one step at a time!

Jill xx

P.S. You know others are going through this same thing, how about sharing this with them to help get them moving in the right direction?

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How To Avoid Breaking Your New Year’s Resolution

As the New Year approaches, many of us will be setting goals and making resolutions.  There’s nothing like a fresh start, a clean slate, and a new beginning!

The problem is, only 8% of those that set these goals and resolutions will succeed.  Only 8 people out of 100!

In my experience, waiting until January 1 to get started on my goals and resolutions has just been another form of procrastination.

I’m a firm believer in goal-setting, but I’m also a firm believer in the power of just getting started and taking small steps to move toward those goals.

Friends, each and every day is an opportunity to create change in your life that will bring about fulfillment and allow you to make a greater impact.  Why wait?

I’ve got an idea!  I believe if we set our intention and get started today, we are far less likely to be one of the 92 people in that failure category for New Year’s resolutions.  We’re 19 days out from the New Year, so that means we’ve got 19 days to create some pretty serious momentum.

Curious as to the top 10 commonly broken New Year’s resolutions?

Here’s Time magazine‘s list:

  • Lose Weight and Get Fit
  • Quit Smoking
  • Learn Something New
  • Eat Healthier and Diet
  • Get Out of Debt and Save Money
  • Spend More Time with Family
  • Travel to New Places
  • Be Less Stressed
  • Volunteer
  • Drink Less

Read more

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